me and alcohol have ruined my family

[jesuswhatnext]

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

JWN, well done on being so positive about turning your life around. Just keep on doing what you're doing because it's obviously working.

As for your DD, try your best to back off a bit. I'd leave your DH to take the lead in talking to her. The truth is that he'll have a much better idea of how she's feeling than you do.

Just come back to thread after busy couple of days.

You are all very kind.

JWN - well done you! Just keep on keeping on.

"dd is still so angry with me" - none of us get angry with people or situations we don't care about. And this is the first time in a while when you are in a position to listen to her anger. So expect it and take it for what it is - concern and love.

Worth remembering too that many people get annoyed with us in early sobriety. She's been nagging you for ages and you've apparently done nothing. Suddenly, you go to meet a group of strangers and stop immediately. She's probably thinking, what have they got that I haven't got; and why, if it was that easy, didn't she do it years ago?

Of course she's got the wrong end of the stick but that doesn't make it any less real for her. Bear with her.

Please don't ever say "I'm only a week sober." Tomorrow there may be a newcomer in the room. He or she will hear you are a week sober and imagine you are some kind of god. Seven days without a drink! It seems impossible. It seemed impossible to you a week ago.

So, yes, keep things in perspective - but don't downplay your achievement. You're doing great.

good morning - thanks miflaw, i intend to 'keep on keeping on'

dd stayed with her bf last night but she did at least come in first and tell me where she was going.

today i am going into work, going to AA at lunch time, back to work amd then this evening i fancy pottering in the kitchen, i may make some cakes to take into AA on wed.

btw - miflaw, i look a bit spotty this morning, is this normal?, i'm assuming it is toxins coming out of my body?, other than that i feel fantastic, best i have felt in years actually.

be back later, must get my act together and get to work!

Sounds like yesterday was a little tougher on you. Well done for getting through it and not drinking.
I'm sure it's painful but does it feel good to go through the feelings you're experiencing with a clear head?

Can you bake an extra "virtual" tray of those cakes for your cheer squad here?!!

"btw - miflaw, i look a bit spotty this morning, is this normal?, i'm assuming it is toxins coming out of my body?, other than that i feel fantastic, best i have felt in years actually." Don't remember spots specifically, but I would say that, in general, you should expect the unexpected for the next month or so as far as your general well-being goes (obviously, if you're properly ill, don't hesitate to go to a doctor.) Not only is your body getting rid of a load of toxins; probably your whole sleep pattern will change, your diet and eating habits willshift massively in balance, you'll be making all sorts of new lifestyle choices ...

Pretty much the definition of being an alcoholic is that alcohol became the very central point of your life - physically, mentally and emotionally. Now, perhaps literally overnight, you have removed that central point. You have to expect some changes as everything else moves around to fill the gap. So just take it in your stride and try to roll with it.

have been to meeting, absolutly heartbreaking, a lady shared that her dd had been taken into care this week , poor poor woman, i just wanted to hug her but nothing would have helped her total devastation i honestly think that the more i hear the stonger i become, there are many roads that i have not been down and i will do my absolute damndest not to go down.

on a good note, dd has asked me to go into london with her this week to an exhibition she wants to see - this is lovley, she could have asked any friend, they are all on study leave right now, but she chose me

anyway, back to work now - thank god i have this, it gives a proper structure to my day, something that i am hearing many people would give their right arm for.

Just another cheer Well done for today. xx

oh how hard that must have been for you to hear today, that really hit you right in the solar plexus didn't it?

You see? look at your OP, you said it was too late... it wasn't was it. Although she won't see it just yet, but it's not even too late for the lady you heard today. She's still living and breathing, there is still a chance she can turn it all around.

Funny enough, you seeing her story will help you in your resolve for your own journey.

You don't need to focus on the roads you don't wish to take, only on those that you do. Set your sights on your ideal, on your path and don't deviate.

JWN, you are doing so very very well, it's truly awesome to witness, and so inspiring for so many of us. Even those of us that haven't ever had addiction problems.

Everyday that you are sober is a huge achievement and one for which you ought to be very proud of yourself.

I'm actually moved to hear that your DD has asked for you to go with her! You see? more proof if proof were needed that you made the right decision.

I admire you JWN, you are wonderful!

Well done JWN you are doing fantastic

just checking in - lovley comments, thank you

one guy said something today that i have been thinking about - sobriety should be enjoyed, not endured - what a fantastic thought, everytime i feel like a drink this evening i am going to do something i find enjoyalbe - time for me and dd to drag out the foot spa and mamma mia dvd i think!

gordon bennett, i reckon the booze has melted the brain cells that once learnt spelling and grammer

enjoy every minute! I was just thinking, that lovely day out in London you're going to have with your DD - you could spend some "alcohol" money on a treat for you both - maybe lunch or a pedicure or something.
Not sure if that's a bad or good idea!

Either way - well done on today!
xxx

grammer! see, i told you!

just a really quick update - dd and i are sitting in kitchen together sewing her new hair extensions together

will not be drinking this evening!

well, today has been really good, dd and i have had a lovely evening together, sorted out (finally[shocked]) her prom outfit, she will look stunning - its vintage black velvet, figure hugging (5ft7 and a size 8 [green]) have cooked dinner, done a bit of housework, everywhere looks nice, dh has just told me how well i look and my sil has booked us in for a spa day, how lovely of her!

HAVE NOT HAD A DRINK.

am off to bed now, this is quite a late night for me but i feel all sort of 'buzzy' so am off to drool over the property porn mag i bought earlier - good night, see you tomorrow

Goodnight. You are doing brilliantly and so deserve these 'treats'. Well done and enjoy a good healthy sleep

jesus ( sorry but I do feel odd calling you that!) I think you are doing wonderfully well! Sounds like you and dd are re-building a lovely relationship. And you deserve the spa day! Enjoy! I think the more you fill your life with pleasures that don't involve alcohol the better you will do.
( Sorry, not very MN!)

Your experience with your daughter is an example of the promises beginning, ever so slightly, to come true. Page 83-84

www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/BigBook/pdf/BigBook_chapt6.pdf

But don't forget that the positive promises are not the only ones in the book. There are equally reliable promises about what happens if we try to drink again, mostly in Chapter 3.

www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/BigBook/pdf/BigBook_chapt3.pdf

Once again, stick with it and enjoy the results - and keep coming back till you have a better idea!

good morning, i'm a bit late today, had a bit of a lie in, i still feel exhausted but in a good way rather than a hungover way iyswim?

today i will not be going to AA as i have a hospital appointment right in the middle of the meeting, so, i will be using my numbers a bit later and just having a chat - i dont think i will drink, just want to try and keep safe iyswim?

am not in the office either, so, the plan for today is to sort out my personal paperwork, do some handwashing that i never seem to have time for, and make some biscuits and sausage rolls - that should be enough to keep me busy

i feel very organised right now, the last few months had decended into chaos around me without me even realising , still, i am getting back on track!

btw - talking of paperwork, i have lost a premium bond certificate, does anyone know an easy way of tracking it down?

anyway, will be back later

MY INTENTION TO DAY IS NOT TO DRINK!!!

miflaw - thanks for those links, very timely for me as i cant get to meeting today. - i have had a quick scan through them, i will read them slowly and properly later on, you could not have sent them at a better time.

i have to say the thought of telling someone my life story is very scary, although i had a wonderful, quite privilidged childhood, i have often managed to cock up my adult life in spectacular fashion - it is only since having my dd that i have lived anything like a stable life, and thats mainly due to the fact that i met dh when i did (he is dd step father, has bought her up as his own since she was a few months old)(her father and me are a WHOLE other chapter, one that i'm very scared of looking at) i seem to have a kind of self destruct button - sometimes i have pressed it deilberatly, this time though, i did'nt, it all just crept up on me and bit on the bum - i really have to face some demons soon, but right now, just being sober for the day it enough.

whew - that was a bit of a marathon, be back later!

Jesus

Step 5 is called step 5 because you don't do it till you've done steps 1, 2, 3 and 4. Even when you're actually doing step 4, you're not obliged to share it with anyone (I suggest you do, but no one's going to make you.)

"One day at a time" relates to drinking, but also to everything else. Don't worry about your life story till the day you need to tell it. Just concentrate on not drinking for today and for keeping your day-to-day life on track.

"i have often managed to cock up my adult life in spectacular fashion" - if that's the bit that's worrying you, btw, don't bother telling it - it's pretty much par for the course for all of us so it's not news ...

Just lurking on your thread, admiring how well you are doing; I think you could try chasing up premium bonds here.

JWN, I've been enjoying reading your posts more and more as time goes on, not just the positive direction you're going in but the sense of humour that is starting to shine through. ("Property porn mag" made me smile - my mum used to have a Country Life habit!) Sounds like your DD genuinely enjoyed the day because you were fun company, not a thing everyone would associate with a day out with their mothers... Her dress sounds terrific btw.