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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

me and alcohol have ruined my family

999 replies

jesuswhatnext · 31/05/2010 12:32

title says it all really - i really cocked up last night, dh walked out, i cant remember what i said to him

today i have actually been in touch with AA but i think its all too late, my dd hates me, as does my parents, yes im feeling sorry for myself right now but i also know i have to change and stop drinking but dont know how.

what can i do to put things right? help me!

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jesuswhatnext · 05/07/2010 17:14

thats interesting miflaw, i asked the lady because everyone keeps saying its the way to go and i dont want to jeapodise my recovery by ignoring the advice iyswim, (don't get me wrong, i like her very much and we seem to have a great deal in common) but right now i feel like im getting on just fine without a sponsor, am more than willing to give it a go though if it helps keep me on the straight and narrow.

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WasindieNial · 05/07/2010 17:42

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jesuswhatnext · 05/07/2010 19:55

wasindie - i found my meeting by phoning the aa helpline - the person i spoke to took my number and found someone in my area to give me a call, i then arranged to meet a lovely lady just before the meeting who welcomed me and almost led me by the hand in to the room.

WITHOUT EXCECPTION i was welcomed by everyone, they were all friendly and seemed pleased to see me, that may sound daft, but that was the impression i got.

i wish i had gone years ago - dont be put off by the 'type' of person you will meet, there are a few older guys in my group who are ex street sleepers there are a few younger people who have mulitple problems, ie, drugs, self-harming etc and then there are the people like you and i, the middle class ones who spent years denying that we had a problem as we 'did'nt drink before lunch - at the end of the day we all suffer from the same problem - we cant control alcohol, it controls us!

btw - imo - we couldn't go on and on for years and years, eventually our bodies would simply have given up, i don't want to die before my time, i have far too much to look forward to.

can you tell i had a good meeting today?

i expect miflaw will be along soon with some pearls of wisdom for us

be back later.

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curryeater · 05/07/2010 22:14

Good evening
Hello Indie!
Well done to everyone, especially Venus after the Lunch Trial. I know what you mean about the smell of a meal you would associate with wine, and the petulant sort of furniture-kicking anger you get about not being able to have a drink.... "Whyyyyyyy..." like a teenager.

Looking back on it, I think I should have recognised my spoilt brattish attitude about not being able to have a drink (none left, no one will drink with me, pub closing, whatever) as being the start of my problem. I can remember thinking "oh well, why not have a cup of tea then" (years ago) and that being fine. A sense of entitlement to drink is what keeps you at it long after you should have stopped. And gets you stashing the stuff away so that you never run out.

Anyway I've not been feeling as good as I'd hoped. Just feeling tired and sad and missing my joie de vivre. I know it was fake, but I missed it anyway. I get very tired and drink is a way through that, some fake energy to relax with and have fun.

I have to work out what to do about visiting an old friend this summer who I think has a drink problem and I doubt will be ok about me not drinking. We have yet to set a date and I am quailing at the thought of her brandishing bottles and bossing me about. Pathetic, I know. I should just face up to her. Easier said than done. It doesn't feel the right thing to do to just not go - I am very fond of her and haven't seen her for a long time and she made a long journey to see me when my baby was small. But.... I am not sure what to do for the best.

Six days.

Thank you so much everyone for all your help and support. This is the beginning of a new chapter for me and you are helping me get there.

jesuswhatnext · 05/07/2010 22:30

hi curry, i reckon if you give it a few days some of your joie de vivre will return, i felt absolutly knackered for a good fortnight, feeling sooo much better now though.

i think i would give your friend a bit of a wide berth at the moment, you have to look after yourself right now - i had aday out with girlfriends a couple of weeks ago, one of them i shan't be seeing for the forseable, i think she proberbly has a drinking problem and she really tested me that day (and i had the support of other good friends) - im afraid that right now, her problem is hers - i HAVE to take care of mine.

well done on 6 days!!!

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MoominMags · 06/07/2010 09:15

Morning ladies (and MIFLAW!), hope that everyone is OK today.

It's so inspiring to see how well everyone is doing. Day 13 for me. Had been feeling loads better but I could not sleep last night think that it may be all the Diet Coke! So I am feeling a bit tired and grumpy this morning. Had a great meeting last night though, the main share was a woman I had not heard before and I got so much identification with her.

Wasindie, there are people from all walks of life at AA meetings - I am friends with people that I would never have come across normally but everyone has the same problem and we're in it together. Just give a few meetings a try and see how you go.

curry - you will feel better, keep going. 6 days is fantastic!

JWN - sounds like you had a fab meeting and got loads from it!

Take care everyone!

helpmenow · 06/07/2010 09:39

Excuse the hijack, but this page is a link to my rock bottom a year ago. Curryeater, have you made it to a meeting yet? I can so identify with you, right down to the weary DH!

Good luck to us all, remember its a daily reprieve and HALT.

jesuswhatnext · 06/07/2010 10:09

morning all! - am having a bit of a lazy morning, still not dressed

anyway, once i get my act together i am going in to the office, doing a bit of gardening later, the tempreture here has dropped, i can finally breathe have washing to do, in fact, quite a mundane day ahead, do you what? i really dont mind, life just feels kind of easy going iykwim?

curry - so you made it to week one!!!! well done you!!

you sound bright and sunny moomin!

hope everyone else is ok, today

I WILL NOT BE DRINKING!

see you all later

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WasindieNial · 06/07/2010 11:22

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venusandmars · 06/07/2010 11:22

Hello all. Like others I find this thread very supportive. I have spent so many years covering up my drinking habits, and it is so liberating to be able to be honest on here, and to know that others understand and do not judge me for it. I also have found that same acceptance at the 2 AA meetings I have been to.

Wasindie, your story sounds so much like mine. Except that I had progressed another step. I didn't drink during the day until I found a couple of opportunities, and hey ho that became part of what I did as well

I would have described myself as a high-functioning alcoholic. I still run my own business, I function 'nomally' in society, I doubt that many of my acquaintances would classify me as an alcoholic. There would be the occassional missed deadline at work, and the occasional dinner-party disaster when I'd over done it, but in the main I was performing well and not losing it.

However, I think I now recognise that "high-functioning" is just an excuse for me. I am as much an alcoholic as any other. I read this recently about the myth of alcoholism: "We cling to stories about the true alcoholics - unstable, lunatic, destitute - because that is not us, we're in control, we're OK."

I also read that only 9% of all alcohoics conform to that stereotype, the rest of us are somewhere on the path.

I am here hoping that by coming to terms with my alcoholism now, I can stop that descent.

Today I intend not to have a drink.

venusandmars · 06/07/2010 11:33

I am also finding it 'amusing' how many of us used to drink on a train - I thought I was the only one, but now I have an image of trains all over the country stuffed with secret drinkers!

I think there was something about the anonymous cocoon of travelling by train or plane. No-one who saw me drink would know me, and a "nice lady" like me drinking fizz must surely be celebrating something wonderful, so my drinking could be tolerated and even smiled at by other passengers.

MoominMags · 06/07/2010 11:37

Wasindie, hello, I think you may have thought I was having a dig or something re the range of people at AA. I think I was trying to reassure and encourage you! I am really sorry if it came across wrong!!

Well done curry and venus!

MoominMags · 06/07/2010 11:38

Am with you on the train-drinking too! God, the amount of times I got off the train plastered - and then headed to a pub...

WasindieNial · 06/07/2010 12:05

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WasindieNial · 06/07/2010 12:15

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jesuswhatnext · 06/07/2010 12:22

i wonder if we ahve all met on the train? that would have been a bit of a piss-up!

i imagine we would all have been thrown off

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jesuswhatnext · 06/07/2010 12:24

perhaps we all ought to meet up for tea at the ritz - much more ladylike

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jesuswhatnext · 06/07/2010 12:27

btw - i have started slim-fast today, my weight loss is giving me such a boost, i feel quite nice when i look in the mirror right now, so i thought i might just as well give it a go.

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WasindieNial · 06/07/2010 12:54

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MoominMags · 06/07/2010 12:57

Phew - glad we sorted that out wasindie!

I agree that the thought of us all on the same train is horrific and hilarious at the same time!

I also agree about the correlation between stopping drinking and taking more pride in our appearances. As I posted before I lost about 2 - 2.5 stone once I stopped, skin and hair in lovely condition! For me I just did not care how I looked or I thought 'Sod it, I'll have some wine and I won't care.' I hated looking in the mirror. It's nice to be bothered again. It's a lovely by product of stopping drinking I think. (Especially for women!)

MoominMags · 06/07/2010 16:28

Well, it's almost the end of the working day again...

I am off to a meeting tonight which I am looking forward to. Anyone else meeting-bound?!

I hope that you all have lovely, sober, peaceful evenings.

Take care.

jesuswhatnext · 06/07/2010 16:34

hi moomin - have a good meeting and a nice evening, im still at work right now, no drink, 2 slimfast and loads of water today - been piddling for britain

dh and i alone for dinner, maybe having an early night

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MoominMags · 06/07/2010 16:46

Sounds lovely! Enjoy!

WasindieNial · 06/07/2010 18:20

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jesuswhatnext · 06/07/2010 19:33

im cooking dinner too right now, having a long slimline tonic and lemon, very nice!

hope your evening goes ok wasindie - my sil is fantastic too, she has been an absolute brick since i told her what was going on - moomins 2.5 stone loss sounds just great, i think thats the sort of weight i need to lose my skin looks really fresh now and my eyes are most definalty more sparkly (even though i do say so myself ) it is a really positive help to start seeing physical benefits of being sober

see you all later!

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