Found condom wrapper...very confused!

[departure101]

Ok...never posted on here before but hoping someone can give me some advice on what to do/ what they would do? It may be long sorry!

I went to stay with a friend in another part of the country on Saturday / Saturday night. DH went to a rugby match on saturday daytime and then went out into town later (on his own as no-one else wanted to go out - their team had lost!). I spoke to him about 12pm, pretty drunk as expected but all fine, he bumped into a few ppl he knew. His phone then ran out of battery but he called me when he got home off the home phone (about 2ish).

Anyway, I got home Sunday morning - had a nice day in garden etc (DH very hungover!). Going to bed last night I was sorting out mobile phone charger - plug is on wall behind bed. Noticed something under there so reached under (its a bed on legs so lots of space under there) to pull it out - was a condom wrapper.

Now we hardly ever use condoms. However, we did use one a while back, been racking my brains to think when it was and can't pinpoint but think it was mid April... Immediately ask DH whats this doing under here (calmly) and he first says "don't know" then said it must have been from when we last used one. I was giving him a funny look and so he then starts getting offended that I "could even think he'd done something". We don't have an argument just a small convo about it, I say I was just curious as to why it was there....end conversation with me appologising for even thinking he could do that...

Unfortunately I'm one of those who can't get things like this off my brain. Been thinking about it all morning and I've probably convinced myself of things that don't exist now! But here is what is circling round in my head -

1. Door was unlocked when I got back about 10am. At the time meant nothing, I did ask him if he forgot to lock on sat night and he said he'd opened it for me as he know I would be back early (even tho I have a key on me)...anyway, could be me looking into it too much but he hasn't done that before.

1. As soon as I got home he was all over me (at the time was nice, this isn't unusual, he's very touchy feely ) and wanted to give me oral sex...guilt?! (I know, I know, reading into it too much and sound ungrateful!!)

1. We ended up having sex but he had to go wash his "bits" cos there was all this dried white little blobs on the end of "it" (sorry tmi!).

1. We have wooden floor in the bedroom so dust/hair collects quite a lot under there. I know I cleaned under there quite recently but can't work out if it was before or after we had used a condom last. I did say that in passing in our convo last night which he dismissed.

1. Since convo last night I have remembered I dropped something under bed and went under there to get it. Wrapper definately wasn't there when I did this, or I would have binned it! I can pinpoint this to the beginning of May (had to clean what dropped under there).

1. From memory the wrapper wasn't dusty at all. Which I didn't notice last night but was thinking about this morning. Wrapper was at the side of the bed last night so if it hasn't moved by tonight I'll have a look. Do ppl know if a wrapper is "moist" on the inside? I might check later, if it was from April it would have dried out by now!

1. He has never been faithful to anyone before me. He told that to me himself. He was engaged to a girl before me for 3years and told me he slept with 7 other girls in that time, including a year long affair. (this was in a confess all convo we had at the beginning of relationship. He swears he would never do it to me).

1. His pillow had brown marks on the face area (like dark brown eye shadow). I did ask him what it was but he didn't know. No foundation though and no black mascara marks, just dark brown.

I think thats all. The length of this post tells me I am looking way too much into it. There is a chance it is the wrapper from April. I know I need to talk to him about this again but how do I bring it up without him getting offended again (to be fair, I prob would be offended if I got accused). Or do I just forget about it and accept its an old wrapper...We've been married for 2 years, no kids. I love him so much and know he loves me, he really is an amazing husband - but he's got a history of cheating. Can't ask anyone in real life, he could have done nothing wrong and its me being paranoid.

What would you do?! leave it or start a massive argument...I don't want to lose him due to me doubting him, but if he has done something I would not stay with him...

Sorry to say - the writing is on the wall...
no matter how much you try to find excuses or justify - i swear i am not trying to hurt you as i have been there and done that - but if there is an opportunity, i reckon most husbands will take the gap.

i fell hook line and sinker, despite SO obvious clues, it is just so horrid, but in your heart of hearts, you must know that he has gone with his "small brain" (the one in his zipped/unzipped party pants) and ignored all sense from the brain in his head...

That said, it doesn't mean he wants to lose you - just that the PEN IS (is) mightier...

just to give you a little background (and hopefully convince you that you are NOT going mad) my dp sent me and our 2 dc's on holiday a week earlier than him (HIGHLY unusual behaviour)

blah blah blah - i ignored my gut instinct

when we got home after 3 weeks abroad, my housekeeper had not finished the laundry...the bed linen from our marital bed was still in the bathroom

with stains...(sorry if tmi)

i never had the courage to ask her why this was so, i think partly because i KNEW something was up, and i did not want to face it and more than that - SHE knew and was giving me the ammunition to fight with.

later later MUCH later, my dp confessed that he had brought his mistress to our home

they do it because they CAN - only you can stop it

bleurgh - did NOT know that smegma was a defined genuine word for knobcheese - am impressed and shall use it forthwith.

I was going to say - you do know mascara comes in dark brown as well, don't you?

But it seems you have cleared it all up. I have to say, along with flame, that things do sometimes "appear" as if from nowhere under the bed. I have lost things before in my bedroom, searched everywhere, thoroughly - and they have still turned up weeks, if not months later, under the bed. Where I had searched! I think the sheets or blankets eat them... and then spit them out again at a later date when dislodged.

By CheekyPinkSox Mon 24-May-10 12:10:29
"I would go with your instinct as your first instinct is always right."

That's true for every woman in the world, is it?

suzy...don't apply your husband's extremely low standards of morality to the rest the male sex, if you please

"most husbands will take the gap"...what a horrible statement

Flamespar - it sounds like your faithless husband has been bringing other babies into your home when you are away!

Some men just can't deny themselves the rush of those newborn days with the sleepless nights and constant dummy replacement.

suzy- you seem to live in a different world to many of us, myself included.
"MY partner snet me and 2 DCs on holiday for an extra week"- no man "sends" me anywhere.

I don't have a housekeeper- or even a cleaner.

My DH does not,as far as I know, have a mistress- which I always think is a rather posh way of saying a "bit on the side".
Mistess gives some status to a woman in a perverse way and makes her sound like a permanent feature.

If your partner is unfaithful the minute you are out of the country ( and when you are still in it?) is he really worth staying with- you imply he is some poor little man who simply can't help keep his willy in his trousers for 3 weeks.

Smegma- amazed at the ignorance at this- I think it was first discussed in my sex-biology lessons round about 1971. It collects under the foreskin, so in circumsized men (my DH) isn't there so much (at all)

I avoided buying certain kitchen appliances on display in J Lewis as they are made by Smeg and have the name emblazened on them!

skidoodly - the bastard. I feel so cheap and betrayed. Our own babies weren't enough for him.

Yes Smegma refers to men, women, even whales.

So yes you have it to.

And now you know the proper name you can know too that if it turns yellow or starts to smell like a kipper you have a 'bacterial flora inbalance' (now doesn't that sound better than 'a smelly minge')

Pmsl @ cheapening a thread where the op's problem has been sorted and people are just hanging around to talk about knob cheese

begins to make mores sense of Red Dwarf now, when Lister was always saying smegging this and what the smeg - I get it now.

I would never buy Smeg appliances because of that - now I have this reason too!

Op - I'm very pleased that this has been resolved.

I do think it's very difficult to trust a man with a history like your DP. My ex H also told me that he'd cheated on all his ex's when we first got together, I found it very hard to trust him. I don't know if he ever cheated (it wasn't the reason we split), but I don't think I ever spent a day of that marriage without double checking that he wasn't pulling the wool over my eyes. Not a great way to live. I don't know how you get around this, but I do feel very sorry for you.

Lol this thread has gone downhill overnight

CelticBanshee - I meant bat an eyelid - now I read back batter doesn't sound right! Sounds like you would deep fry it after battering it!

Haha - smegma would be a good explaination - he's not circumsised and it was a hot day with a 4hr coach trip each way to the match...think he prob would have been v.sweaty...!

HousewifeOfOrangeCounty - I would say I'm pretty trusting of DH normally and certainly don't go checking up or anything. Inevitably though, when something is looking dodgey his history will be a factor. And if I did ever find out he'd cheated I don't think I could stay - I'd always wonder how many others there were..

Thanks all for replying and for giving me a laugh this morning!

Good point

Oh yes eight hours on a coach will give you very sweaty bollocks and that's smeg city that is!

Yuck! If anyone was desperate enough to shag him that state she's have had to be hard up. Yuck! Thus I concur he is faithful (yet stinky!)

have you had sex with him again since the great wrapper day incident?

@worriedsickhelpplease You'd probably be better starting a new thread of your own, this one's 15 years old.