Found condom wrapper...very confused!

[departure101]

Ok...never posted on here before but hoping someone can give me some advice on what to do/ what they would do? It may be long sorry!

I went to stay with a friend in another part of the country on Saturday / Saturday night. DH went to a rugby match on saturday daytime and then went out into town later (on his own as no-one else wanted to go out - their team had lost!). I spoke to him about 12pm, pretty drunk as expected but all fine, he bumped into a few ppl he knew. His phone then ran out of battery but he called me when he got home off the home phone (about 2ish).

Anyway, I got home Sunday morning - had a nice day in garden etc (DH very hungover!). Going to bed last night I was sorting out mobile phone charger - plug is on wall behind bed. Noticed something under there so reached under (its a bed on legs so lots of space under there) to pull it out - was a condom wrapper.

Now we hardly ever use condoms. However, we did use one a while back, been racking my brains to think when it was and can't pinpoint but think it was mid April... Immediately ask DH whats this doing under here (calmly) and he first says "don't know" then said it must have been from when we last used one. I was giving him a funny look and so he then starts getting offended that I "could even think he'd done something". We don't have an argument just a small convo about it, I say I was just curious as to why it was there....end conversation with me appologising for even thinking he could do that...

Unfortunately I'm one of those who can't get things like this off my brain. Been thinking about it all morning and I've probably convinced myself of things that don't exist now! But here is what is circling round in my head -

1. Door was unlocked when I got back about 10am. At the time meant nothing, I did ask him if he forgot to lock on sat night and he said he'd opened it for me as he know I would be back early (even tho I have a key on me)...anyway, could be me looking into it too much but he hasn't done that before.

1. As soon as I got home he was all over me (at the time was nice, this isn't unusual, he's very touchy feely ) and wanted to give me oral sex...guilt?! (I know, I know, reading into it too much and sound ungrateful!!)

1. We ended up having sex but he had to go wash his "bits" cos there was all this dried white little blobs on the end of "it" (sorry tmi!).

1. We have wooden floor in the bedroom so dust/hair collects quite a lot under there. I know I cleaned under there quite recently but can't work out if it was before or after we had used a condom last. I did say that in passing in our convo last night which he dismissed.

1. Since convo last night I have remembered I dropped something under bed and went under there to get it. Wrapper definately wasn't there when I did this, or I would have binned it! I can pinpoint this to the beginning of May (had to clean what dropped under there).

1. From memory the wrapper wasn't dusty at all. Which I didn't notice last night but was thinking about this morning. Wrapper was at the side of the bed last night so if it hasn't moved by tonight I'll have a look. Do ppl know if a wrapper is "moist" on the inside? I might check later, if it was from April it would have dried out by now!

1. He has never been faithful to anyone before me. He told that to me himself. He was engaged to a girl before me for 3years and told me he slept with 7 other girls in that time, including a year long affair. (this was in a confess all convo we had at the beginning of relationship. He swears he would never do it to me).

1. His pillow had brown marks on the face area (like dark brown eye shadow). I did ask him what it was but he didn't know. No foundation though and no black mascara marks, just dark brown.

I think thats all. The length of this post tells me I am looking way too much into it. There is a chance it is the wrapper from April. I know I need to talk to him about this again but how do I bring it up without him getting offended again (to be fair, I prob would be offended if I got accused). Or do I just forget about it and accept its an old wrapper...We've been married for 2 years, no kids. I love him so much and know he loves me, he really is an amazing husband - but he's got a history of cheating. Can't ask anyone in real life, he could have done nothing wrong and its me being paranoid.

What would you do?! leave it or start a massive argument...I don't want to lose him due to me doubting him, but if he has done something I would not stay with him...

I think your reading too much in to it tbh. It could have been your wrapper, and in all likely hood he was too drunk to lock door. And heaven forbid he might want to "be" with you if you been away for weekend

But you clearly dont trust him so he is screwed either way

Just a thought.

We use condoms and my DH has a habit of throwing the packet anywhere when we are about to get down to it.

I'm guessing tidyness is not on his mind right at that moment.

I've found packets down the back of drawers, under the bed and otherplaces.

My DH is just a laxy arse, not a cheat. Could be that yours is the same.

yes SM, but the OP thinks the wrapper wasn't there since last time they used a condom iyswim

I think you are reading way to much into it.

I wouldn't bring it up again...but I would keep a close eye on him...
If he was drunk enough to bring someone back to your bed and sleep with them, he'd bee too drunk to remember to use a condom, surely!

This is asking you for TMI OP but if the white bits on the end of his willie were dried semen, why had he not had a wash before you came home, and why was he so open and unfazed about admitting he needed a wash?

If he was with someone else, he certainly hasn't covered his tracks.

I think you're reading too much into it.

Surely if he was cheating and was good at covering his tracks he wouldn't be stupid enough to forget about the wrapper?

'I would be suspicious of any married man with previous who went out round town alone when his wife was away. Seems like a prime opportunity to pick someone up.'

I honestly don't know how people can go about their daily lives with such a high level of suspicion, it would absolutely cripple me.

You use condoms and found an old packet under the bed
Your pillow is dirty
Your drunk dh left the door unlocked

I'm sorry but none of this would leave me unduly worried
All this investigative bullshit is silly IMO

Gps phone
search car
swab dick for DNA

how is the front door being left unlocked significant??

You don't think somebody was in your house and left without locking the door behind her do you?

Right... just read the OP and see that you didnt get back til sunday. stupid q. i get it now.

I think he shagged somebody else in your bed. I think if it was somebody else you'd see it instantly but your own brain has put a brake on processing the evidence, to protect you from having the rug pulled from under you.

No- she thinks he might have come let someone nad forgotten, out or that someone let herself out and he wasn't awake/sober enough to lock up.

sorry that reads like jibberish- deleted some and didn't re-write.

Meant to say he might have let someone out and forgotten to lock up- or that "someone" let herself out and he forgot to lock up.

sorry purple, but that makes no sense!!

Just thinking- if this was the other way round- do you think a guy would agonise like this- or just come straight out with what he was worried about?

OP what worries me is that in your first post you say you are afraid to discuss in case you lose him by being suspicious.

This seems a very insecure/back foot position to be in after only 2 yrs of marriage.

Would a man know when he last cleaned under the bed though!

'I think he shagged somebody else in your bed. I think if it was somebody else you'd see it instantly but your own brain has put a brake on processing the evidence, to protect you from having the rug pulled from under you.'

Gosh that's a rather huge leap you've made there

if she had found texts or womens knickers I would agree but the evidence is hardly compelling, is it?
the lack of trust in some relationships is shocking

I can honestly say none of the things mentioned in the op would make me think my husband has been shagging another woman in my bed

this all pile on-he's a scumbag-swab the pillow barrage of posts is really unhelpful

op i think you are reading way too much into it

OP, I would just talk to him in a calm manner and carefully watch his reactions.

I dont think you should jump to too many conclusions but you do need to talk to him and settle this thing, because judging from your original post, I don't think its something your likely to forget very quickly. I dont think I would either.

please explain 'dry white blobs on the end of it'.

did YOU see it or did he mention it?

"5. Since convo last night I have remembered I dropped something under bed and went under there to get it. Wrapper definately wasn't there when I did this, or I would have binned it! I can pinpoint this to the beginning of May (had to clean what dropped under there)."

well you seem pretty certain that it wasn't there... why are you questioning yourself then?

Ime washing knob+giving oral sex= subtle attempt at requesting blow job, not shagging other woman in marital bed

The thing is that it doesn't matter if any of us think that this does or doesn't sound suspicious because we are all judging it against the backdrop of our own relationships and how secure we do or don't feel in them. Only the OP can judge the situation accurately because so often our gut feeling is based on more than just the immediate facts.

FWIW, I once found a condom wrapper in DH's house when he was living away for work. I asked him about it, he told me he had no idea how it got there. I believed him 100%. It turned out that some scruffy bloke had shagged a girl in his bathroom (where I found the wrapper) during a party. If I read this story on MN, I wouldn't believe it either but in the context of my own relationship, I knew it to be true. So, OP I think you have to trust your instincts, if they tell you that this is wrong then you probably have other reasons to distrust him.

Morning

Cheers for all the messages since I last posted. Most seem to say I was overthinking it and I am seeing that now! To answer a few questions - he always calls me when he gets in, 2am is quite early - its usually 3-4! He has never been into town drinking on his own - but it was on the way back from the match so he wasn't there until about 11ish. I did say the next morning (in a jokey way!) that it was a bit sad - He said he wished he hadn't, it was only because he was drunk and wanted to carry on, all his mates went home!

Spoke to him again about it last night (no shouting just talked!). His reaction wasn't suspicious, didn't go on the denfence immediately or anything. I checked the wrapper, it was still a bit moist inside but looked like it had re-sealed so that could be why? It was a bit dusty on the outside.

He said again that the door was unlocked as he knew I was coming back - he was on the sofa when I got back. No glitter on marks on pillow and the bath is filthy (footmarks) from where he had a shower Sunday night, so I think it must be dirt!(he did drink an entire bottle of vodka so got knows how many times he fell over..!) I saw the white bits on his willie before he washed, he said he had been out all day and night and was sweaty and sometimes that happens to it.

He said he didn't want to cause an argument or upset me but he was pissed off I was accusing him of something he hadn't done and never would. I said I wasn't accusing him, just wanted to ask him about all these things as I've been thinking about them all day and can't ignore them. But of course by even asking the question I'm accusing him really aren't I!

He's been a bit quiet since but we have made up and I've said I will leave it and it must be the one we used a while ago.

I've got to just forget this now. I know it sounds to everyone like I'm very untrusting but this is the first time I've been suspicious. As I've said all along I didn't batter an eyelid to any of the things I was worrying about until I found that wrapper!

Thanks for everyones posts and keeping me on the straight and narrow. I thought the majority of responses would be one of two extremes - "your a psycho" or "hes a cheating bastard, get rid!"

Smell that pillowcase. Women don't go out without perfume when it's hot.

brown glitterless stains could be fake tan.

Given his history, I'd assume the worse.

oh dear colditz. . . .poor Departure101 was just feeling better bout it all. !! Still, you are entitled to your opinion.

Thread closed!
Happy ending!

Now some major sucking up (no pun intended)

visual of white bits on willy shall haunt me.

sounds weirdy to me.