Found condom wrapper...very confused!

[departure101]

Ok...never posted on here before but hoping someone can give me some advice on what to do/ what they would do? It may be long sorry!

I went to stay with a friend in another part of the country on Saturday / Saturday night. DH went to a rugby match on saturday daytime and then went out into town later (on his own as no-one else wanted to go out - their team had lost!). I spoke to him about 12pm, pretty drunk as expected but all fine, he bumped into a few ppl he knew. His phone then ran out of battery but he called me when he got home off the home phone (about 2ish).

Anyway, I got home Sunday morning - had a nice day in garden etc (DH very hungover!). Going to bed last night I was sorting out mobile phone charger - plug is on wall behind bed. Noticed something under there so reached under (its a bed on legs so lots of space under there) to pull it out - was a condom wrapper.

Now we hardly ever use condoms. However, we did use one a while back, been racking my brains to think when it was and can't pinpoint but think it was mid April... Immediately ask DH whats this doing under here (calmly) and he first says "don't know" then said it must have been from when we last used one. I was giving him a funny look and so he then starts getting offended that I "could even think he'd done something". We don't have an argument just a small convo about it, I say I was just curious as to why it was there....end conversation with me appologising for even thinking he could do that...

Unfortunately I'm one of those who can't get things like this off my brain. Been thinking about it all morning and I've probably convinced myself of things that don't exist now! But here is what is circling round in my head -

1. Door was unlocked when I got back about 10am. At the time meant nothing, I did ask him if he forgot to lock on sat night and he said he'd opened it for me as he know I would be back early (even tho I have a key on me)...anyway, could be me looking into it too much but he hasn't done that before.

1. As soon as I got home he was all over me (at the time was nice, this isn't unusual, he's very touchy feely ) and wanted to give me oral sex...guilt?! (I know, I know, reading into it too much and sound ungrateful!!)

1. We ended up having sex but he had to go wash his "bits" cos there was all this dried white little blobs on the end of "it" (sorry tmi!).

1. We have wooden floor in the bedroom so dust/hair collects quite a lot under there. I know I cleaned under there quite recently but can't work out if it was before or after we had used a condom last. I did say that in passing in our convo last night which he dismissed.

1. Since convo last night I have remembered I dropped something under bed and went under there to get it. Wrapper definately wasn't there when I did this, or I would have binned it! I can pinpoint this to the beginning of May (had to clean what dropped under there).

1. From memory the wrapper wasn't dusty at all. Which I didn't notice last night but was thinking about this morning. Wrapper was at the side of the bed last night so if it hasn't moved by tonight I'll have a look. Do ppl know if a wrapper is "moist" on the inside? I might check later, if it was from April it would have dried out by now!

1. He has never been faithful to anyone before me. He told that to me himself. He was engaged to a girl before me for 3years and told me he slept with 7 other girls in that time, including a year long affair. (this was in a confess all convo we had at the beginning of relationship. He swears he would never do it to me).

1. His pillow had brown marks on the face area (like dark brown eye shadow). I did ask him what it was but he didn't know. No foundation though and no black mascara marks, just dark brown.

I think thats all. The length of this post tells me I am looking way too much into it. There is a chance it is the wrapper from April. I know I need to talk to him about this again but how do I bring it up without him getting offended again (to be fair, I prob would be offended if I got accused). Or do I just forget about it and accept its an old wrapper...We've been married for 2 years, no kids. I love him so much and know he loves me, he really is an amazing husband - but he's got a history of cheating. Can't ask anyone in real life, he could have done nothing wrong and its me being paranoid.

What would you do?! leave it or start a massive argument...I don't want to lose him due to me doubting him, but if he has done something I would not stay with him...

The biggest problem isn't all the suspicious (or not) stuff, surely it's the fact that he stays out till 3-4 am and drinks a whole bottle of vodka!
He sounds like he has alcohol problems, a bottle of vodka is enough to kill a person.
If you are going to be starting family at some point, is this the kind of life you want for them, seeing their dad roll in legless on a Saturday night, having to keep them quiet on a Sunday so he can sleep it off? It's not a nice way to live.

mascara on the pillow and a condom wrapper under the bed?

be serious, what are you asking for?

How on earth can you be with a man - a grown up man supposedly- who drinks a bottle of vodka- and falls over several times on the way home?

That amount of alcohol is seriously dangerous and I assume he does it quite often otherwise he would be unconscious/comatose?

I think you have more potential issues than just possible infidelity.

Sounds perfectly normal to me. All explicable. An occasional blowout on booze doesn't write him off as a potential dad. White stuff plausibly just sweatiness after a long day, and dust on wrapper cliches it for me.

Not guilty, milud. Next!

On the alcohol front, its certainly not a regular thing - in fact that much is very rare with him. Hes a big bloke (muscly) so can drink alot, although sat night was a heck of alot even for him! I think it was one of those big days out for them all...I wouldn't say he had alchol problem

Whenever we go out together on a night out we usually stay out to that late so it doesn't seem that strange to me. We are both still pretty young and when we do have a family I'm sure our priorities will change

Am with bof, all these things taken together could make you suspicious, obviously, but actually I think you've been grown up, discussed it and now should move on. It is all explicable.

I wouldn't worry about the going out drinking either, it was presumably a rare occurance for him to drink that much, fgs you haven't got kids, enjoy it while you can!

Glad you've sorted it

So he washed before sex?
The only time my husband gets dried white bits is after we´ve had sex.

I find it odd that noone else wanted togo for a drink-because the team lost-and going alone would make be suspicious tbh.

Nothing in this strikes me as damning evidence. Glad you have come to a decent conclusion in your own mind.

And yes a whole bottle of vodka is hardly ideal but so what? The thought of it makes me feel rather queasy but thats just cos I can remember doing similar

a whole bottle of vodka is just stupidity.

i'm gonna ask my husband about the knob thing. surely all knob sweat is the same.

well if he really did drink a whole bottle of vodka I doubt he could perform anyway.

I think you need to seriously htink about htat amount of alcohol- big bloke or not- it's enough to kill someone.

Can't understand this attitude of some posters who say "Enjoy it while you can" etc- at that rate he won't be around to enjoy it.

Did you know that anything over 5 units in one evening is considered binge drinking- and do you know what that does to your liver- or rather, does he?

sweat isn't white

semen is, or...

does he have thrush ?

Smegma is white. Smegma makes sense if he's a sweater. If he drinks that much he will be a sweater. Nice

oh fucking hell

smegma

is that not just the worst word/concept in the whole world ??????

I was going to have cottage cheese for my tea... < hurrrrrrrll >

Thank god for Andy!!!

Seriously - stuff like that has literally driven me insane (therapy etc). When you go looking for stuff, you find it.

DON'T go looking through his phone and crap - it only leads to a lack of trust and him feeling very hurt (again - speaking from experience).

I found a dummy under my bed about 6 months back.

DD1 was the only one to have dummies. She gave them up before DS was born... he is 4. I have rearranged the room and had a new mattress in that time. Things appear from nowhere.

Oh and both me and DH often wash before sex. Nothing sinister... tis just nice to be clean!

define smegma.

Smegma is the build up of protein and bacteria under the foreskin. Commonly known are 'willy cheese'. If you sweat you get more of it. It's common to all mammals apparently and women get it to - the white stuff on your vulva.

yuk - what a grim discussion, I feel sick, glad I don't have a man around to make me worry about that.

Seriously if you are suspicious I would definitely advise you to dig deeper, it does drive you mad but you may find the truth and put your mind at rest either way.

Ok, I've seen this mentioned on a few threads around here and really don't want to throw a spanner in the works but..

'BATTER AN EYELID?'

Is it a British thing? I have visions of you battering the crap out of his eyelids, which would take a lot of control really so as not to damage the eye underneath, but still quite weird

Or do you mean 'bat an eyelid' and just got it wrong?

I would appreciate some insight (

No, no, no..,def not batter!
Bat an eyelid, BAT! Never batter.
I've never seen anyone say batter an eyelid, are you sure you've seen it??

Perhaps you have smegma in your eye?

that smegma's a bugger.

They had smegma on that sex-education programme on the telly last week. There was a picture of a penis with smegma - a real one, from the unfortunate team of Saturday footballers who must be bitterly regretting their agreement to take part.

I must confess, I'd thought it was a rude word for ejaculate - but it's not. Smegma is the coirect term for knob cheese. It's a normal bodily emission that needs to be washed off.

Gosh, the things you learn off the small-hours telly!!

Ooh, whomovedmychocolate, is the lady version called smegma as well?

Somebody on the film I'm not watching just gave a speech about "an honourable discharge"
Now I feel sick, too.