I have posted my situation here before a few months ago under 'How do I tell if my DH is having, or about to have an affair' and I'm just back now for more advice.
Nothing has changed - briefly my DH admitted an attraction to someone he works with and socialises with, a single woman with 'boundary problems'. He then spent a couple of months being odd, secretive about his phone, cranky with me and DSs, emotionally detached from me and not intimate, aggressive a couple of times and very very stressed. Said it was all work and there was some truth in this, and we were also moving house. However he would be really cross if I questionned him going along to an out-of-work event that she was involved in - like drinks after work or football, he just would not allow me to express upset about those things and dismissed me as being 'ridiculous'. So I stopped mentioning it and quietly gritted my teeth, as I wanted the bad atmosphere to go away, not to make it worse.
So after loads of fabulous advice on here I tried snooping and did not get far at all. No idea of email password, blackberry blocked, no evidence on visa cards. Nothing. A RL friend suggested looking him in the eye and asking him to be honest and tell everything - she does not get him at all. He would not admit an affair as he has too much to lose. He loves me, loves DC, has been through 1 marriage breakup already and does not want to go through another. So I believe he stopped the affair to protect his marriage and family. BTW we were great before this started - happy, regular sex, every friday night out as couple, even a few nights away on own, so not a marriage in trouble at all, I didn't think.
BUT I am now struggling to get over this and let him back in. I can't be the same with him. I don't laugh genuinely at jokes, I can't connect emotionally with him and I don't want him to touch me. If I tell him why, he will deny everything so I feel there is no point opening up to him.
So I have carried on snooping and was really hopeful that I could get into his blackberry to read txts and emails. Then I did. I found his password in an old filofax of mine and I had an opportunity with him out and his phone left behind to go through it. My heart was pounding. I saw loads of boring work emails, quite a few friendly warm txts but nothing incriminating. The friendly txts were very cosy and intimate even but nothing that would show any inappropriate behaviour and if I mentioned them to him, would make me look paranoid and blow my cover and make him hide even more from me. Atleast he is relaxed enough to leave his phone lying around. But both txts and emails stopped showing beyond a few weeks - there was no way to scroll down further. I know he clears out his in-trays so I am now realising this is not the answer I hoped it would be. I can't think of other ways to find out for sure and am wondering how other people have found out about affairs. Short of getting him (or her!) blind drunk, then asking for confession I just feel stuck