Please Validate my reality asap

[pinemartina]

this page is my back story

My parents visiting today.
Saw solicitor re access for xp and baby ,yesterday
He "caught" me - rang landline I picked up - but was ok, asked about access,accepted that letter on way soon,then asked after dc's and if I wanted help ...heard my m in background,asked after them....

I'm changing baby with m + d in front room,dc's coming on from school 1 by 1...in walks xp.
straight into room ,sits on sofa and greets m
+d and asks how they are.

They start to chat! I stand up with baby and ask him to leave..he appeals to m+d "look folks,you know how she is, i love her and kids and want to help...

Iask him to come into kitchen away from evryone he carries on with victim crap ...sympathy offered by them...

Igo into kitchen he follows SHOUTS IN MY FACE im holding baby,he wont shut door so all in front room can hear,every so often he yells OW - DONT DO THAT and calls to m an d that I am losing plot and he is trying to help and begging me to be reasonable

no one comes to see
he is doing this foir 1 hour
shouting shouting

he pops into see them few times pleading for help that i am ill and he wants to see baby and wants to help me but I am too difficult to cope with

they agree and are sympathetic

he SHOUTS IN MY FACE FOR AGES - YOUVE DONE IT NO MAN WILL TOUCH YOU,YOUR POOR KIDS AND XH'S ---loads of details then about my family that i have told him in confidence he tells them but twists it ,they BELIEVE EVERYTHING HE SAYS

HE goes to have chat wth my mum in private then leaves.

he has told her that i am ill and denying him contact and abusinf him and kids

she had a go at me why am i like this

my dc's crying she pretends not to notice

they refused to go home i asked them to they are sitting round my table having tea wth my dc's chatting happily

i am ignored as if invisible

m said why do i do this all my life

he is trying so hard she said =i told her hv witnessed verbal abusew did they not hear him shout

she says funny how men always end up doing that to me isnt it time i looked at why instead of calling it abuse?

she says come on dc's lets not keep on with this nonsense

now says please dont keep on or changes subject if i speak

i am invisible
i am everyone's problem

losing reality

phoned wa
said tell parents to go = they wont til later

i am totally losing it

i really need my reality validated

how do i live like this

feel like disappearing....i am the problem to thesespeople

sorry for appalling spelling dont worry typing one hand bf'ing baby and crying
MN is a more real place to me than RL right now

Can you get a phone with caller display? Then you can tell the kids not to pick up. Otherwise, given the history with your parents and xp, maybe think about changing your number?

Pinemartina, have just found your thread and read with . I am a lurker generally but needed to post to tell you what a strong and wonderful mother you sound. Despite all that others are throwing at you, both you and your children are being amazing.

I have no real experience of any of the things that you are facing so no constructive advice or words of wisdom other than a thought. How possible would it be for you to stop contact with your parents? I know its not as simple as that but it sounds very much like she is, at the moment anyway, a huge cause of anxiety.

Sorry PM, so for what they have done to you. I have been in a similar situation before where I was shaking with anger and disbelief at being told I was 'ill', 'confused' and in the end I rang the police to have my father in law removed from the house. I was cluthing my 9 months old child at the time and never in my life have I felt so helpless and demeaned, so scared of not being taken seriously.

Your parents have behaved in a terrible way towards you, I'd really be prepared not to let them over your doorstep again. I second others' advice: do you get any help with your dc? Could you speak to your GP about it? I'd still ring the police and register your exp coming and threatening you, get the HV to give a witness statement. You do not want that man coming at you in a few months/years' time and taking your dd if he makes you look like you are ill.

Also I'd speak to a GP and try and get help from him, councelling (sp), anything to give you support.

Wanted to add: your ds, bless him, he was amazing. You have good reason to be proud of yourself and your kids. You're a good mummy!! Don't let your ex and toxic parents shatter your confidence!

(((pm))) I'm thrilled to hear the covert abuse is starting to show itself to you now, PM.

A couple of weeks ago, somebody here gave a me link to this page. It freed me completely from my overhanging self-doubts about my second marriage. It identified at least ten of my ex's behaviours, which were still bothering me - I was still making excuses for him, still wondering what was wrong with me. The only thing wrong with me was that I was being abused! Drip, drip, drip ... the gas light flickers ... drip, drip. There are no excuses for him: he had Aspergers but what he did there was abuse.

I am applying the lessons of that article to my mother also.

Yes, this forum is GREAT therapy!

lucky - I am going to Argos when they get home from school today....

tobermory - thank you for those lovely words!
I really want to drop contact,and listen intently to the posts from those who have/are doing so ....there is a big block around the whole thing with my family and I am not sure what it is,or what to do.......

kitty - sorry to hear about your experiences..I have reported to police,I had a long chat with the Domestic violence coordinator yesterday,they are in the picture.I have a panic button on the phone and someone is coming to put a chain on the door.
The health visitor reassures me that I am doing very well with all dc's including baby.I have asked school nurse to speak to eldest dd's.

We have no children's services here,other than acute end,which is very limited.
I'd like some family therapy,but there's nothing.

My second h has been getting shopping and dropping it off after contact - we were on ok terms,despite acrimonious split,by the time I met xp,but xp would not tolerate me even speaking to him -can't believe I got drawn into that---( I also had a letter from xh2 expressing sympathy for xp leaving and offering friendship.He also acknowledged some of the issues that he had always refused to discuss when we split up,which was helpful....no agenda,I think.He said kind and encouraging things,which he didn't used to when we were married....)

Not really any other support.Not made many friends here and not getting out ,yet.
A couple of colleagues phone regularly for a chat.

Dc's are lovely,but I am lonely when they go to their Dads

Grace - thanks for the link.I read it just now.It describes both xp and mother....

I just can't believe what I have put up with
I have lived a feeble lie for 3 years and believed I was enjoying myself - that I was "lucky"....

I have to get to grips with my family somehow...I have lurked on Stately Homes for a while....not sure where to start....