Please Validate my reality asap

[pinemartina]

this page is my back story

My parents visiting today.
Saw solicitor re access for xp and baby ,yesterday
He "caught" me - rang landline I picked up - but was ok, asked about access,accepted that letter on way soon,then asked after dc's and if I wanted help ...heard my m in background,asked after them....

I'm changing baby with m + d in front room,dc's coming on from school 1 by 1...in walks xp.
straight into room ,sits on sofa and greets m
+d and asks how they are.

They start to chat! I stand up with baby and ask him to leave..he appeals to m+d "look folks,you know how she is, i love her and kids and want to help...

Iask him to come into kitchen away from evryone he carries on with victim crap ...sympathy offered by them...

Igo into kitchen he follows SHOUTS IN MY FACE im holding baby,he wont shut door so all in front room can hear,every so often he yells OW - DONT DO THAT and calls to m an d that I am losing plot and he is trying to help and begging me to be reasonable

no one comes to see
he is doing this foir 1 hour
shouting shouting

he pops into see them few times pleading for help that i am ill and he wants to see baby and wants to help me but I am too difficult to cope with

they agree and are sympathetic

he SHOUTS IN MY FACE FOR AGES - YOUVE DONE IT NO MAN WILL TOUCH YOU,YOUR POOR KIDS AND XH'S ---loads of details then about my family that i have told him in confidence he tells them but twists it ,they BELIEVE EVERYTHING HE SAYS

HE goes to have chat wth my mum in private then leaves.

he has told her that i am ill and denying him contact and abusinf him and kids

she had a go at me why am i like this

my dc's crying she pretends not to notice

they refused to go home i asked them to they are sitting round my table having tea wth my dc's chatting happily

i am ignored as if invisible

m said why do i do this all my life

he is trying so hard she said =i told her hv witnessed verbal abusew did they not hear him shout

she says funny how men always end up doing that to me isnt it time i looked at why instead of calling it abuse?

she says come on dc's lets not keep on with this nonsense

now says please dont keep on or changes subject if i speak

i am invisible
i am everyone's problem

losing reality

phoned wa
said tell parents to go = they wont til later

i am totally losing it

i really need my reality validated

how do i live like this

feel like disappearing....i am the problem to thesespeople

sorry for appalling spelling dont worry typing one hand bf'ing baby and crying
MN is a more real place to me than RL right now

call the police and have your parents removed from your house.

the reason your parents are complicit with this is because they think it's ok to behave like your ex does, which is why you ended up with him in the first place - you were raised to think it's acceptable.

Phone women's aid again when they have been made to leave, and speak to them about mobving house.

Iam in my bedroom in attic

dc's and parents all happy downstairs

i am the odd one out

get out of your bedroom and go and be the adult in your own life. get your children into the bedroom with you, and go and say to your parents that if they don't leave, as youhave asked them to do, you will call the police and have them removed from your premises.

Nobody can do this for you. YOU have to do it.

Honey, FGS don't let the buggers across the doorstep again. They only come in to make trouble. It's an awful awful thing to have to exclude your own parents from your house, but you do have to, because they are so bad for you and for your children. Surely this incident is the last straw that gives you complete licence to cut that dangerously barkin' XP and parents right out of your life? You are not, not, not crazy. But they will drive you crazy eventually if they can.

What you wrote here is the truth, PM. What you saw, heard, felt - is real. Your parents are as mad as X. So horrid to call the police on your own parents, but DO IT. How dare they deny your existence, your right to choose who eats your food in your home, your pain, your right to live safely?

Get rid of the bastards.

Oh PM poor you.

Call the police, It's your home and you DO NOT have to accept this behaviour.

They are disgusting to treat you and your children like this.

You need to cut ALL of these nutters OUT of your life. All of them. You can do it...I know you can. You are sane, you are strong. You and your kids are a wonderful family.

Tell them to leave. And when they do. Don't let them back.

I'm holding your hand spiritually! Now go downstairs and ask them to leave.

I haven't read your back story, but I can tell you that your parents shoudln't treat you like this. They should be defending you with their last breath, not telling you that the abuse is your fault.

Please get sme help/advice from wa (or similar) and keep your paremts at arms length until you have sorted yourself out.

Call wa again - they will tell you to ring the police, I'm sure of it.

Are you ok? Have they gone yet?

Still with you.

they have gone now
Thanks Unsearchable,I took those words like a slap - in a positive wake up way, no offence.
I went downstairs.
I said I want you to go hone now
Repeated
REPEATED

They carried on ignoring me - changing subject,walking to another room --whistling..really, no joke

i just coudnt bring myself to call the police or even say it to them

I went and stood at the far end of kitchen telling myself --be a grown up be an adult it;s your house.

DS came and hugged me and said is this the elephant in the room (talked about it before like this re them)
said he felt scared and funny
M comes down and tells him to come and finish cake
He says my m is upset
ignores
Granny,why are you ignoring me,m is very sad and xp was very scary and you changed the subject and were nice to him

wHY are you keeping his dd from him she asks me
ds says she isnt ,we are not supposed to let him in as he is scary
he has a right to come to see his dd she says

and on like this
she shrieks in high voice saying stop shreiking at me ,to me.Ds asked her why she didnt mind xp shouting scary words and swearing at mummy
He didnt she says
he did
he didn't
You are causing a row,you know he didnt do that- she says in mean voice to ds

ds - 9 yrs - says, you cant tell me what I know Granny.If I was bigger I'd hit xp and I wouldnt pretend he was nice when he's behaving mad.

She becomes hysterical
Father shuffles in on sticks - (v.ill) says we are bystanders in your domestic drama again and will not be drawn in.

You heard him shout Gramps says ds
Well its not our business it m's life and she has to sort
my m starts with the - you are pushing us away as you always have.you never phone,you have ostracised your brothers (oh god long awful story NOT NOT NOT me) we have done so much for you
we just want to see our gc's.
we are not welcome children
we don't need all this
we are old and shoul be enjoying visit to you

etc etc they go

I will keep them away now
the family will be discussing me/this for next 5 years.proves all they believe
xp knew this wd happen.he did it on purpose to cause this.He's the only one I ever trusted with the truth.
At least I cannot possibly love him now

Yes, he did it on purpose. And your so-called mother lapped it up.

PM, you did well. You know what you've done so incredibly, fantastically, beautifully well? You have taught a nine-year-old boy to recognise and value the truth, to stand his ground firmly and with dignity, and to denounce mind-games like 'elephants in the room'.

That is amazing. What a wonderful boy; what a fine testament to you as his mother.

Have a peaceful evening, at last
xxx

Bloody hell!!!! I cannot believe the disgusting attitude of your parents!! Your poor DCs having to witness all this. At least your DS knows what your ex p is like even if your m is denying him shouting and that.

Please please be strong and don't let them back into your home. It is somewhere where you and your DCs should feel safe. Your parents are toxic and should fuck right off. If they force their way in, I would call the police and have them removed. Maybe that way they will realise that you are serious when you ask them to go!

Oh PM well done you and well done your wonderful, beautiful ds!

Let those people go who brought shame upon themselves by acting the way they do.

Give you and your dcs a chocolate cake and a glass of wine and make plans to exclude your parents and phone WA.

Accept all the help they and others can do for you.

You poor love.

Pinemartina

What a terrible, terrible time you are having. The previous poster is dead right. The reason your XP managed to get you to this state is because you have been trained by your parents to think you are the one in the wrong. He, and your previous partners also by the sound of it, recognised this in you, and pounced.

Even your young DS can see the truth. Thank God for him!

I have been through similar to you, and am now out the other side. I am almost there. You can be at this stage too.

It will be hard, but you have to keep your parents away if you can. They are living in their alternative universe, and are completely unable to see what is under their noses.

Do you have any good friends or relatives who are normal? Anyone who is on your side in all this? I have read some of your previous posts. Was it you who said the HV witnessed an episode with your XP?

Keep posting on here. There are some of us who know exactly what you are going through. Keep talking to WA. They have seen it all and can really help you.

Do you keep a log of these incidents? your DS can obviously see what is happening here. That means that you have NOT imagined it all. And it is NOT you. It's THEM.

Have you spoken to your GP? It may be possible for you to see a Clinical Psychologist, which is what you need. I have had to wait two years for a place, but am now in a group therapy place, which is saving my life.

I wish I could do more for you. I feel your pain. I rarely post nowadays, but your posts have moved me more than any others recently.

Keep strong, and remember all this shall pass. xxx

Gosh, aren't your children fantastic? You must be amazingly proud. Now you know you have to keep them with you where they can flourish like this, instead of being beaten down until they can't tell truth from fiction by their mad grandparents.

I tell you what, if there's one thing (apart from being tickled) that makes me homicidal, it's being ignored. I'd probably have hurt somebody if they'd just pretended not to hear when I asked them to get out. Good thing you didn't, because again their accusations of your madness are shown up to be nonsense.

Blimey PM, you must be exhausted.

For what it's worth, I can empathise more than I would wish.

And now they are gone, and it is over.

How to stop it? There are ways, you know that and you probably know what you have to do, and how big each step you can take at a time can be. Take your time.

You are an AMAZING mother. Your kids will not behave like this in their relationships, or tolerate it in others.......and that is because of you PM.

Now go and love YOU that much too.

(((((pm)))))

Thank you so much everyone ,thank god MN, I do really believe I wd have lost it this time if not for here.
I definitely would have gone back to him by now

Just had chat with dc's
Parents were telling them I was being awful to xp and that he was quite right to put me in my place
M asked them to stick up for their baby sister and tell me to let her daddy come home
she told them they should phone her or MY BROTHERS and let them know what was going on but not tell me!!!!!!
dd3 - 8 said she was crying and saying lets get him out he's not supposed to be here,but was told not to take any notice because xp giving me what I need and its grown up stuff!!!!!!!!!!11

Lots of talking to be done.

[shock and

Is there anyone else that could talk to your dcs to reinforce what an already marvelous job you are doing with them and confirming that unfortunately their gps are... wrong on so many levels.

I think it would help you (less pressure) and more validation on your lovely dcs.
How awful for you.
Thinking of you.

Dont know your back story but god this is utterly appalling, truly bad.

I have cut my mother out for less than this!

Don't let these nutters anywhere near your wonderful wonderful children again.

dd1 ,14, just told me it was my m who opened door and invited xp in, just as dd1 was coming in from school.
dd1 had said - he's not allowed in - as HV has told us all

• but my m said not to be silly,he's entitled to come whenever he wants to see baby - and she hugged and kissed him and brought him in to front room...

dd1 went straight upstairs, but stood on landing and heard everything from both rooms -

xp shouting and parents to other dc's

she is very upset and angry

I AM FURIOUS
I just dont know how to manage parents now

father on last legs. if not ,would break all contact.feel i cant as will feel worse not knowing when he gets worse/dies....also ,dc's want to keep in touch....

i dont want to see m ever again

or xp

Don't worry, you'll hear when your dad gets worse. Your mother won't be able to resist the dramatic potential ...

You could offer a formal access agreement re DCs. I'd be inclined to find out if you can get a harrassment order against all 3 of them - sorry, I don't know the legals but should think you have adequate grounds. Think you need to mull it over for a bit, calm down from this evening.

It is just awful that you & kids have had to go through this. I'm so glad you're together and safe.

You dd and ds sound lovely, pinemartina.

They can certainly see the elephant in the room.

I am totally on your side, as is the rest of mnet! This is gaslighting, and it sounds like you mother, dad and ex-p are very experienced at it.

PM whatever happens, you have AWESOME children who love you and believe in you.

The strength of their protectiveness is testament to what a good mother you are, never forget that, despite the crap your 'family' throw at you.

You know where your loyalties MUST lie, please talk to WA.

Wishing you strength x