What do your DS's do justwith their Dads??

[PrettyFeckinVacant]

I am getting really pee'ed off with my H (separating). There is nothing special that he does with our DS (10).

DS has been having golf lessons for the last year so I suggest they do that together but H doesn't like golf.

Recently, DS went out with a friend and his family and they went fishing (just using cheap rods etc) and he really enjoyed himself - came back buzzing about it.

I have tried to set up H taking DS to a local fishery where they can rent the equipment and get a lesson in casting etc and then, after DS went to bed last night, H said "I dont fancy fishing in any shape or form"!

I reminded him this wasn't for him it was to get out with DS and just enjoy the day - but he wont do it

I am taking our 2 DD's out today so was hoping the boys would have a boys day.

What do your DS's do with their Dads??

watch football together or go swimming sometimes.

What's your husbands interests? can your son not get involved in those.

Do agree that it should be other way around though

DH and DS do playstation playing.

They go swimming together.

Am trying to think what else they do just them.

My boys often go to the park for a kick around - rugby or football. He take sthem shopping as well which is always dangerous!! pmsl.

Later on I know he has said he will do fishing and he would love the boys to play golf - he bought DS1 his own golf set but he is still a little young to remain quiet enough on the course!

But you have mentioned pretty much all of that! Sorry I couldnt be more help.

errrrrrrrrrrrrr... loads and loads really, every sport you can imagine, holidays (yes, they have weeks away with me - bliss !) - camping, etc. The question for me is more what does my DS do with me - Bank Holiday today and DH is working abroad - DS already in tears at the thought of a long day with mum !

H not sporty at all (as in playing) but he does watch some football but doesn't involve DS.

H's main love is cricket and, to be honest, I am amazed that he hasn't involved DS in that.

They do play PS3 together but I wanted them to do something outside the house. Something they can go off together and enjoy.

I honestly thought that H would be a more hands-on Dad

cycling, kayaking, homework, cooking food, tidying the house.
The sporting stuff is largely because my ex is interested in them though and son has become interested through his dad.
It sounds like one problem may be you trying to suggest what your soon to be ex should do when he's with his son. If I started suggesting things to my ex he would (rightly in my opinion) see it as me trying to control his life through our son, and this is less likely to be successful than me saying to the kids "ask your dad if you want to do x".
Adults revolving their weekends and leisure time around their kids is a fairly new concept, and many people don't like it. My parents didn't revolve their weekends round me, they just did stuff and we did our own thing. My dad never took my brother off and did special stuff with him. If we went out we all went out together. You do have to try harder with nonres kids though as they don't have local friends to play out with. At the moment I presume your son does have friends locally.
I'd ask your son to suggest things to his dad if he's bored and keep out of it.

My ds and his dad like to get out in the garden together, digging, planting and making things out of wood.
They do lots of other things together swimming, park etc but we all do those things where as the gardening is something I don't really take part in.

Ski (for one or two weeks a year) - they go off on holiday together as a threesome.

Play tennis - at weekends and on holiday.

Have lunch - DP picks one of the DSSs up from school at lunchtime on alternate weeks and they have lunch as a twosome.

Doctors' and dentists' appointments.

I like that Bonsoir that DP and DSS get a lunch date.

play football, gardening, go swimming, dp does bathtime, go to dp's friend's house and play with friend's dds, park and playground, bike rides, read stories, do painting, clean up house together (hoovering, wiping up the kitchen, changing sheets, etc), go to places like B+Q to look round and buy things

ds1 is 7 now

Football, playing/watching/training

Swimming

DIY/Gardening - they enjoy just pottering around "helping" Dad.

I am embarrassed at this as it outs my men folk as uber geeks, but they recently were given all of FIL's old Hornby train stuff, as well as DH's from when he was a boy. They have spent time restoring it, buying things from collectable toy fairs and then setting it all up. It has really interested them and it's nice that they are using stuff that their Dad and Grandad used to play with.

I find it deathly boring though

i ocne read of a dad and lad doing an alphabet of activities together

a= archery
b= bowling etc

DS is like DH's little shadow. Wherever DH goes, DS (7) must go too. This can be a trip to the skip, watching TV, gardening, park, anything really. It doesn't reallt matter to me that they do 'activities' as such, they just spend lots of time together doing 'stuff'.

fishing, camping, going t the cinema, bike rides, plane spotting and generally the great outdoors and wildlife

I think the way it usually goes is the DS gets interested in whatever the father is already interested in, not the other way round, so if DS likes golf, but the father doesn't you'll have a struggle on your hands.

I'd try to encourage the cricket thing if that's what your H is interested in. It's easier to get the DS interested in something his dad likes that the other way round.

Thanks for the suggestions.

I know what you mean 2rebecca but I feel if I dont suggest things for them to do then nothing would happen.

With our separation, DS is feeling it bad, and is having major trouble sleeping. I was trying to find something that they could do, just the 2 of them.

Personally, I think H is being selfish not just trying a hobby that DS likes but then he isn't my most favourite person at the moment, so maybe I am biased.

Dh goes swimming with the children much more than me. He takes them on days out if I need a day to sort the house. He runs his train with our eldest child. He does loads of things with them.

Cricket is fabulous. My sister greatly encouraged her DSs to love cricket, despite having a French non-cricket loving (or even knowing about) DH. Her boys spend hours and hours and hours playing cricket (with lots of encouragement from our father and various paternal uncles/cousins) and her DH has got interested now, to the extent that he has taken on responsibilities in the boys' cricket club in Amsterdam.

DS & DH don't see that much of each other as dh away a lot & ds has loads of hobbies, BUT once a year they go camping just the two of them and have a great time. No washing/toothbrushing, minimal washing up etc.

So far they haven't contracted legionnaire's and they both seem to like it.

DS is 15 btw

Re the lunch date thing - I have a good friend who raised his son alone from aged 2 after his wife left. (He later married a friend of mine when his son was 7.) He worked long hours as a joiner and his mum helped with childcare, but from when his son was 3 he used to take him out to one of the local restaurants for dinner once a week (nothing fancy - thai/Indian/Chinese etc.) They would have long chats, try different types of food and son would learn the dos and donts of public table manners. Son is now 18 but I know from chatting to him that he clearly remembers and values these meals and always looked forward to them as a high point of the week.

Could ba an idea?

Just to update - H and DS actually went fishing after much harumphing and, guess what - they BOTH loved it and want to do it again.

H used the fact that his Dad never took him fishing as an excuse for not doing it before

They are already talking about buying rods etc

I shall definitely push the cricket this summer. Trouble is we are in Scotland and it isn't a big a thing here as it is in England but I know there is a club not too far away.

Thanks for the suggestion notyummy, we do go out to meals quite a lot. I take him on his own every Sat lunch so he gets spoilt that way already.

Also, H is away Sunday night to Friday night so the DC have limited time with him.

Thanks again

That could be another good one pixie. They are both quite arty (unlike me!).

DS likes to go out with a pad and sketch buildings etc

They don't do cooking but they love ice-cream making - that's completely different!

It may seem old-fashioned but nothing wrong with a bike ride & take 'men snacks' not picnic.

Well I think so pixie but then I am slightly biased

They also love bike rides - good idea munster