Drunk BIL Snuggles Up in Wrong Bed! WWYD?

[Vagabond]

I'd really love your opinions on this and I'll try to keep it snappy.

My sister and BIL hosted a housewarming party last night. It was a huge night, loads of people and everyone ended up very drunk and going to bed in the wee hours. (I wasn't there, btw).

My sister's best friend (let's call her Stacey) was visiting from abroad, just to attend the party, and was staying in the guest bedroom with her 5 year old DD.

My sister woke up this morning with a heavy head, but feeling happy at the huge success of the party. She went to give Stacey a cup of tea in the guest bedroom but found that she was gone. Upon further investigation, my sis discovered that her suitcase and hire car were also missing. She rang Stacey immediately to find out what was going on.

Stacey was calm but insistent that my BIL had snuck into her bedroom and 'tried it on with her'. It seems that Stacey woke up at 4am to find her knickers on the floor and my BIL kissing her tummy. My BIL was right there when the phone call happened and protested his innocence, grabbed the phone and tried to make sense of it all with Stacey. He apologised "if it did happen" but claimed to have no recollection of the events.

Stacey then got back on the phone with my sis and told her that her husband is a pervert and that she should leave him.

My sis and BIL are understandably distraught and upset. They both, however, have come to believe that it DID happen. However, they also firmly believe that it was a drunken mistake.

Sis and BIL have 2 boys under 3 and are constantly playing musical beds due to snoring and kids constantly waking up etc.. etc. I know this to be true because I've seen it on umpteen occasions. Also, they have a large house and it's very easy to be confused in the corridors. Lastly, Sis and Stacey look similar.

My BIL is not a pervy guy at all (and I'm not his biggest fan). Far from it. I honestly believe that it was a mistake - a huge, drunken mistake - but Stacey is adamant that it was not a mistake and says her friendship with my sis if over unless she splits with BIL. Stacey was also pretty drunk that night. I'm not blaming her at all (far from it!) but she didn't even wake up until he had her knickers off and was kissing her on the tummy.

My BIL phoned Stacey again later to apologise and to say that it's entirely possible it had happened but that he has no recollection of it and that it was unintentional.

My sister is on BIL's side (just) but is understandably worried that Stacey will tell all their friends (which she probably will) and that her carefully constructed life, new home, two young boys etc is in tatters because of this.
BIL is beside himself with shame and distress. I have to reiterate, he would have known that he couldn't have got away with it and I honestly feel that it was a hideous, drunken mistake.

I don't know why I'm posting. Just wondering if you'd believe that my BIL made a drunken and unintentional mistake. And more, how should my sis repair her friendship with Stacey?

TIA

I don't really see how a man can remove a womans knickers and be kissing her stomach and not know its not his wife! sorry.

Was her daughter in the room too?

This sounds very familiar.....

How drunk can he have been if he was able to take someone's knickers off?
I could perhaps understand him going into the wrong room and falling asleep but to initiate oral sex?

Stacey is mistaken...it was someone else, not BIL making the move.

The only flaw to BIL's protestations of innocence is that however big a house it is, and whatever bed-hopping goes on, you do tend to know where your own bedroom is, however drunk you are. That's the bit that makes me a bit dubious.

I'd say it's bloody unlikely the Stacey friendship will survive. Your sis may just have to give up on that. And you can't really blame Stacey - you have to see it from her POV.

I can't really see it from Stacey's point of view. If a friends DH came on to me, I'd think what a twat...but I wouldn't want it to ruin my friendship. I'd actually be thinking, here's a friend who is gonna need a lot of support in the future.....

TBH I read this thinking at some point it will turn out not t be BIL but another man entirely.

I've travelled a lot with DS when he was around that age and we would sleep in the same room. I never got so drunk that I passed out so badly that I wouldn't notice a man in the room, let alone taking my knickers off. There is a protective thing there surely?
Even if DD wasn't in the room, how can you get that drunk with a 5 y o to see to in the morning?

From what you've said, I don't believe her.

She's not unreasonable to bring it up and demand an apology, and I could understand her never wanting to see BIL again - but she's very unreasonable to demand that your sis leaves her DH over it! Noone has the right to demand that of someone else.

But if your friend's DH came on to you, he denied it and the friend backed him up, you'd be pretty hacked off.

Being so drunk you don't know someone is taking your knickers off, but feeling well enough to pack your stuff and your DD into the car and drive off..where did she go?

Don't blame Stacey for her attitude. She is being quite restrained actually.

What happened after she woke up i.e. did BiL return to his own bed/crash out? I am a bit suspicious about BiL's account and just how aware/unaware he was.

Also it doesn't seem normal to remove someone's underwear while they are unconscious, wife or not.

When DH 1st met my sis, he ended up getting into bed with her! Long, funny story, but w were all absolutely plastered, he got as far as one leg over (to get to the other side of the bed against the wall) before she screamed, then he screamed, then I ran in, then I screamed...you get the picture! Point is, it's really bloody hard to make that kind of mistake,
Where was everybody when they woke up? dons detective hat

There are certainly some dubious bits in Stacey's version of events. She wouldn't stand up to interrogation.

But they're not denying it, are they? It sounds like they're willing to believe her and apologise, and already have, in fact. What more does she want? Blood? Compensation?

I'd be upset and not want to stay again, but there's a limit to what sis and BIL can do at this point to make it better, apart from apologies, flowers etc.

OP, does BIL have form for being so drunk he gets lost/confused etc? Is he the sort of man who pees on the sofa instead of the loo when shitfaced?

Major cross posts!

A drunk woman has her underwear taken off and her body kissed, and somehow she's at fault??

Am with antoinette on this one.

The fact that the BIL concedes if might have happened makes me think he must have some flash of memory of the event. Otherwise I think you'd just deny absolutely.

It once happened to me!
My dsis and I were both staying at my cousin's house with our respective partners. All got ++drunk together and I went up to bed first. I was woken by a man getting in to bed with me who started kissing me and touching me. Instantly I knew it wasn't my partner, screamed and switched on the light to find it was sisters bf. He was mortified and I just put it down to a genuine mistake. Funnily enough I never told her although we are very close (she was passed out next door).
It was a long time ago and we're both now married to different men.
I am also suspicious as to how it could have got so far without either supposedly realising.

There's a difference between coming on to someone and removing their knickers and kissing their tummy...

BIL phoned Stacey, admitted that it is likely it could have happened but that he doesn't remember and that he is bitterly sorry.

I think it's good that he fronted up to it and phoned her immediately to apologise.

I've never seen my BIL so pissed that he would make such a mistake but I also know myself that it's easy to be confused in their house. I also know that my BIL has been under enormous amounts of stress and that it's likely he would have gotten very pissed to celebrate his new job and his new house.

My sister knocked on Stacey's door at 3:30am to give her a glass of water but Stacey was passed out cold and didn't answer. Sis put the glass of water by her bedside and went to bed.

It's not clear what happened when Stacey woke up to find my BIL errr... kissing her tummy. I don't think either of them remember. Stacey certainly didn't freak out at the time. She just drove off the next day leaving my sister and BIL very confused and upset. Of course, Stacey is also very upset. I don't know what's happened since then as my sister didn't want to talk this evening.

Hmmm - what more can you do but apologise?

These threads (and this isn't the first) make me sick.

The implication that somehow "stacy" should share the blame (or even more shockingly that she is lying when the BIL has accepted it probably did happen) by virtue of the fact that she didn't notice what was happening "soon enough" or produce the "appropriate" response is vile.

OP sorry I am just too angry to even address this issue vis a vis your sister.

A drunk woman drove off in her hire car with her 5yo DD in the car?

This makes no sense.

Who, on earth, was looking after the bloody 5YO????????? If you were all so drunk that no-one knew what anyone (themselves included) was doing?

And, yes, I do think that a woman has to bear some of the responsiblity of what happens when she is responsible for a 5YO in her charge.

nancydrew maybe if you're that angry you should step away from the thread. I'm not sure most people are saying Stacey is responsible for what happened, more that it's a very odd tale all round, really, and it's difficult to know who's telling the truth when everyone was so plastered. Presumably BIL thinks it must have happened because Stacey wouldn't make it up, but it's still very bizarre, and I don't know if I find it more believable that BIL did it and forgot or that Stacey made it up/dreamt it/it was someone else. That's where knowing the people involved is the important thing, I guess.

And besides, responsibility is neither here nor there. BIL has apologised, sis has tried to smooth things over with Stacey, what more can be done?

surely bil would have remembered being chastised and turfed out of the room?

and why should sis end her marriage for a drunken mistake.

they should learn to laugh it off.

I don't think anyone is saying this is Stacey's fault...indeed even BIL is saying it is his fault and has apologised for doing something he doesn't remember doing. Staycey was drunk and asleep, so of course it wasn't her fault. (But why she was so drunk when her child was there is another matter!)

"Stacey is adamant that it was not a mistake and says her friendship with my sis if over unless she splits with BIL"

So Sis if sis won't leaven BIL, Stacey won't be her freind anymore? How old is stacey? Sounds like she's about 10. This is the bit I have a problem with.