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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

untrustworthy husband

52 replies

bubble1 · 26/04/2010 23:10

my hubby has joined facebook...but is using it like a chat up site.he has set his sights on a particular woman and has sent her suggestive messages and made her one of his friends
i read these messages...we had a big argument...i threatened divorce, slept on sofa a couple of nights, then seemed to resolve issue. i basically told him to stop acting like a single man. for a few days things went better...but i still had this feeling of unease.
i know it was wrong but i removed her from his facebook friends...he put her back on...i am ready to walk...but have not confronted him yet. why is he doing this...surely he should have realised why i removed her from friends list and left it at that if he wants to save his marriage

OP posts:
SugarMousePink · 26/04/2010 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 26/04/2010 23:26

sorry, but i'd throw him out.

EcoMouse · 27/04/2010 00:37

You're engaged in a power struggle.

You shouldn't have to 'tell' him how to behave and when you do and he ignores or does the opposite, he is displaying classic toddler defiance to a parental demand.

I'd send him back to his mum, personally.

Seriously, kick him out and don't take him back, if you do, the game is bound to continue.

HappyWoman · 27/04/2010 06:42

So he doesnt want to stay married does he.
He thinks you will 'allow' this to happen??????

You have to stay strong - it would be a deal breaker for me.

GeekOfTheWeek · 27/04/2010 09:56

Dealbreaker for me.

He has no respect for you or your feelings.

Get rid.

Rindercella · 27/04/2010 09:59

Bubble, I remember another thread of yours about your husband. What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? The man is an arse.

LoveBeingAMummy · 27/04/2010 10:02

Do you want to get rid if him?

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 27/04/2010 10:16

bubble1 I think I asked you on one of your other recent threads (about this Facebook war) how old you both were? I'm assuming by this behaviour you must both be very young, in which case that is great news because you have loads of time on your side to realise that this man is an absolute arse and isn't worthy of you.

Stop playing games or making threats to leave, then backing down. It's not working.

CelticBanshee · 27/04/2010 11:10

'surely he should have realised why i removed her from friends list and left it at that if he wants to save his marriage'

He obviously doesn't want to save it and by what you've said, I really don't know why you'd be arsed saving it either

Kick him out

Original poster
bubble1 · 27/04/2010 21:00

Things are even worse now...he has changed his facebook password, he obviously knows i have been on it. i have removed him from my friends list...this all happened last night but he has not commented on the fact that his wife has removed him as a friend...although he noticed pretty bloody quick that she had been removed!!
can still read his emails...he has had 3 facebook messages from her today...what the hell do i do now? if i confront him he will know i still have access to his emails...but i cannot just sit back whilst he makes me look a twat on facebook. i also changed his profile from married to single

OP posts:
KristinaM · 27/04/2010 21:03

bubble - stop playing around on facebook and decide if you want to stay married to this man

oliviasmama · 27/04/2010 21:04

he's treating you like shit....sorry.

get rid!

Portofino · 27/04/2010 21:05

OMG how old are you?

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 27/04/2010 21:07

I keep asking that - it is absurd....

whatname · 27/04/2010 21:09

this is like some silly childish game of chess.
stop pissing around, talk to him

Original poster
bubble1 · 27/04/2010 21:09

believe it or not i am 43 hubby 45 been together 10 years and have 2 kids and he has not done anything like this before.
i have not eaten anything now for 1 whole week...am existing on fags coffee and whisky. help!!!
by the way woman on facebook is young and gorgeous

OP posts:
whatname · 27/04/2010 21:12

stop tormenting yourself
he is your husband and he is being and idiot
tell him

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 27/04/2010 21:12

So what if he knows you have been on his facebook.

Either talk to him and tell him it is you or her, put up with it or kick him out.

whatname · 27/04/2010 21:16

you are obviously worried about confronting him.
It's not that bad. confrontation, i mean.
the best is that he will realise he is being stupid and apologise, the worst is what?? how bad could it be? you say you are ready to leave

Original poster
bubble1 · 27/04/2010 21:17

she is younger...in her 20s i guess and has a young child
she has just split up with her bloke and is living local again she could be on the rebound
the house is in his name...can i ask him to leave as its his kids home?

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AnyFucker · 27/04/2010 21:19

bubble...you might be in your 40's but you need to grow up

fgs, give yourself a slap and stop playing games

then when you have done that, tell your twat of a husband to sling his hook

whatname · 27/04/2010 21:21

what exactly did you see in these messages?
forget what she is like... the problem is with your relationship.. if you can't talk to him.

Original poster
bubble1 · 27/04/2010 21:22

not saying they have done anything yet but the email fb messages are flying thick and fast between them...so its only a matter of time
he knows i have already been to see a solicitor but its like he is emotionally retarded and refuses to fight for this marriage
my 8 year old son has just informed me that he overheard us arguing last night about divorce...shit!!!

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oliviasmama · 27/04/2010 21:25

it's you wanting him to fight for the marriage, sounds as though he doesn't want to. you can't make him want you. get it sorted, the guys making a fool of you and sorry but i don't think your demanding much respect from him

RumourOfAHurricane · 27/04/2010 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn