Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

It is not going well at all, I'm left crying.

88 replies

WutheringHeights · 20/04/2010 20:41

I'm a bully towards my husband when we have arguments. I try to talk and make a point but all I get is silence or I dont know and I cant take it anymore as I seem to be a normal person outside closed doors. I'm suffering of depression (treated), pmt, anxiety due to money problem etc..

It is so complicated, I feel like the devil person and its affecting my children's lives. I have tried to talk to dh but I get silence so I reach for the bottle and it end up being worst. Now is the moment in which you are thinking I'm a shit person...

I had a bad day, I look after the girls while working and I told dh earlier that I felt bad and sad and that I miss home (foreigner here) but when he came back he sorted out the girls, then get ready for football, gave me a pat in the back, went to get a bottle of wine (I was already pissed), told me to have a bath and went to meet his mates. He didnt even turn his back.

I know I'm going to get a lot of kicks because I admitted I'm a bully, it drives me mad, we have problems, I try to find solution, I get silence, I get I dont know and I get frustrated and then I shout, I scream. Yes I'm a monster.

OP posts:
EndangeredSpecies · 20/04/2010 20:50

It can be awful living in the other person's country. Why do you say you are a bully?

WutheringHeights · 20/04/2010 20:58

Because I shout and I repeat the same and the same over again. I try to speak not to shout but nothing seems to reach him. We make mistake, we say we have to do better and learn from our mistake but it is not happening. If I say something, I'm adamant on something is like I have said nothing and at the end it causes a massive erruption (from me). He must I'm thick and what I said doesnt matter and fucking hell I want to kick him for that.

OP posts:
EndangeredSpecies · 20/04/2010 21:01

Sounds like you both have a communication problem: do you speak to each other in English or your language?

WutheringHeights · 20/04/2010 21:07

In english but when I'm frustrated and angry, its harder

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 20/04/2010 21:11

FWIW, I think he IS trying, but men, english men, can be a bit 'stiff' about things.

I'm sorry for you not being happy here. Do you have any friends nearby? what do you enjoy doing? How about trying to change your day to day, and that might mean that you are less frustrated and don't take it out on him.

It's the easiest thing in the world to lash out at the person closest to you, doesn't make it right, but it's understandable to somehow hold that person responsible for your situation.

Take everything you don't like about life at the moment and try to deal with it bit by bit.

Can you tell us what it is that upsets you most, what you miss most, what you need most, then perhaps we can try and help you to find a way to organise things so that you can change aspects or perceptions in your life?

Meantime, a great big ex-expat hug, I know how isolated you can feel.

EndangeredSpecies · 20/04/2010 21:14

only asked because I had the same problem: trying to say exactly what you mean in a language that's not your own is extremely difficult at the best of times, never mind when you're tired and stressed out.

He probably goes silent because he doesn't know what to say to fix your problem i.e. that you miss home.

dignified · 20/04/2010 21:17

Are you being a bully, or are you quite understandable getting frustrated at not being heard ? Are you repeating things because your mad, or because your not being listened to ?

lilmissmummy · 20/04/2010 21:20

It sounds like you are lashing out because you are frustrated and lonely. Have you got friends or neighbours or someone you can see away from dh and dc? Time to just be you and to enjoy some female adult company?

I do think you need to talk things through and agree with the idea of dealing with every little point one at a time, maybe write it down if that would help?

WutheringHeights · 20/04/2010 21:28

Littlemiss - He makes me feel thick, exemple, I didnt want any part into paying his car insurance, I dont have my driving licence as I failed 10 years ago, it was just before I have left for my placement in england and never went back there. I have talked about passing my driving licence lately and apparently it is not a priority... The fucking car only get used SOMETIMES during the week end, it takes a lot of money to pay for the insurance and we didnt have it as we had a lot to pay for since january. I have always said I didnt want to take part into paying that fucking car insurance, for me dd's playgroup is the priority, he fucking ignored what I said and now we are having problems financialy. He completely ignored what I said. This fucking car could have been unused for a month, no ? We live in London so he can take the bus or the metro. All he has to say, sorry I have messed up and do want to know what is the worst ? He has shares, he has a private stach of money, he could have paid for his car insurance, I could have paid for the playgroup. He just doesnt give shit.

Endangered : I have been 10n years in england but when I'm stressed out I cant cope, he is letting me down, I threw shoes at him, I called him the c word but beofre all that I tried to speak, I did but it still doesnt excuse my abusive behaviour. I have a lots of friends in my aera, do they want to know I'm a bully ??

OP posts:
WutheringHeights · 20/04/2010 21:32

Ladies, I'm so frustrated, it brings the worst out of me, I mean I'm sure our neighbourgs can hear me, not him because he doesnt speak, only me the witch....

I'm a bully. Its not only a man thing.

I'm sorry if I'm not coherent but I'm upset, I appreciate your answers. I'm scared someone is going to come up and tell me that I'm an horrible person.

OP posts:
EndangeredSpecies · 20/04/2010 21:44

WH will you give it a rest with the bully thing!! It sounds like you are really angry with him about quite a few things, why are you still with him?

WutheringHeights · 20/04/2010 21:49

Because I'm trying my best for our girls. he is not a bad man and a great father but if we have disagreement I'm not heard hence me getting crazy. It has been like this from the beginning..

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 20/04/2010 21:52

You are not a horrible person. Let's get that straight right now.

FWIW, if you can't drive, it does seem odd for you to have to chip in with insurance, especially if you don't use the car much at all, and if money is tight then your playgroup would naturally take more importance.

I know you are angry, and frustrated, and perhaps this is actually working against you.

Hmm, men don't do the I messed up and made a mistake thing too well very often, IME.

I think you need to change your tactics. There are issues that are important and do need to be discussed calmly.

Can you take a little time for yourself, to calmly jot down the money you have, the things you have to pay, both you and him and ask him to help you sort out what needs paying and what could do with being reduced.

You mention that you had depression and have had issues with PMT etc. you say they are treated, but from here you sound so angry, raging. If you find that you are ranting most of the time, then perhaps you might benefit from a chat with the Dr to see if he can't give you something to calm you down short term, so that you can find a quieter place to gather your thoughts and think clearly enough to know what to do.

It's true, if money is tight, then WTH is he doing with a stash that is HIS? If he is hoarding money, yet asking you to chip in for things you don't even use, when the money you have is counted and spoken for, and is tight, then tbh, he's being unreasonable, and needs calling out on it. But screaming rarely works, you just show them that you have lost control, and that weakens your position. (speaking from experience here.. )

Do what you can to calm yourself, it will do harm to everyone, and won't help anyone solve anything.

then look at the issues you have calmly and bit by bit. one thing at a time, so it's not overwhelming and you both manage to keep focussed on the issue, and not get swamped in the bigger picture.

WutheringHeights · 20/04/2010 21:57

Littlemiss - I'm not ignoring you, I'm just so upset..your post is spot on and I cant stop crying..

OP posts:
dittany · 20/04/2010 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WutheringHeights · 20/04/2010 22:02

I'm sorry I'm not ignoring you but its the first time I'm talking about it, really talking about it. I have closed english friends but I dont feel I can talk to them as they knew dh before me, then I have friends but I dont see them often enough to share iykwim

OP posts:
dignified · 20/04/2010 22:04

My thoughts exactly dittany.

dittany · 20/04/2010 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EndangeredSpecies · 20/04/2010 22:05

what would he say if you were to suggest counselling?

OrmRenewed · 20/04/2010 22:08

Would it help to write it down so he can see what he is doing to you calmly and objectively.

I feel for you. To feel so isolated and frustated

WutheringHeights · 20/04/2010 22:11

Dittany - thanks for you advice. For everyone, he is the calm one,good dad, I'm the funny one who tells everything as it is. He is a very emotional person and doesnt respond well to serios discussion, he shuts out (sorry if it is not the right thing to say), he loves music, he loves football and he makes time for it when he can when he is not looking after the girls during the week end but he has no time for me. As adults, we need to discuss/agree on things but it always goes wrong because whenever I think I have made a point, he understood, he fucks it up again..I make the effort of discussing, we agree on a budget and then...I'm cornered into paying a car insurance when I say I dont want any part in it. Last year, it was paid mainly because I have worked a lot of overtime and the year before, hie mum paid for it.
We were in shit in december as he forgot to pay the credit card, his mum bailed us out, this month he paid for his car insurance, completely messing up our budget, his mum bailed us out... I mean come on

OP posts:
WutheringHeights · 20/04/2010 22:14

orm - I have found someone from relate but I think I will go alone, I'm going to try other conselling as well maybe a therapist, I'm in touch with one.

I'm not that isolated, all the people are from the school gate, even if I have been knowing them for few years, I cant tell them.

OP posts:
dittany · 20/04/2010 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dignified · 20/04/2010 22:17

Who wouldnt get angry at a partner being financially irresponsible and selfish. Id shout too.

WutheringHeights · 21/04/2010 07:36

I'm sorry I had to leave but dh was back, I didnt shout but i cried . The financial decisions, I tend to think we are taking them together but at the end he does what he wants to do

OP posts: