WH, my H does the same as yours. He calls it "being scared of confrontation", which sounds so reasonable until you realise that "confrontation" includes anything which makes him feel emotionally uncomfortable. So that includes me crying quietly, or talking reasonably about an issue that he has caused, as well as the obvious things like me getting angry and frustrated with him.
So you can find yourself trapped in a Catch 22 situation: He is saying he can't talk because you're angry, and you are saying you are angry because he won't talk.
Being stonewalled (when you talk and they don't even acknowledge you've spoken, let alone respond to it) or having a discussion about things and thinking you're working through them, only to find out he's done what he originally wanted anyway, is horrendous.
I can't describe to anyone how worthless and non-human it makes you feel. You try everything and get no response, you feel so desperate you even start to try to provoke them just to get them to say ANYTHING.
And you end up feeling crazy. You're the one screaming and shouting and they look so reasonable in comparison.
But all you want is to resolve things. So while they reject the emotions you end up weighed down by them all. And by the end you are overreacting to everything because it's all on top of all the unresolved baggage you're already carrying.
There's only one solution.
You have to put down the baggage. You have to step back. With each explosion you end up carrying more.
So... he doesn't pay the car insurance, it's not your issue, you don't pay it. He gets bailed out by his mum then he's the loser, not you.
Separate your finances as much as you can (because he won't discuss finances so you have to protect yours and make sure he can't spend money you need for necessities).
I'm not going to say leave him, because that's up to you. But you can't go on carrying this.
Chasing him to talk will NEVER work. It's killing you.
Let it go.
I went to a counsellor last year and told her everything that was going on in my life. She asked me what I wanted. I told her I wanted to stop feeling angry all the time. She paused, looked me in the eyes and said "Crunchy, do you not think that you have a right to feel angry about all this?"
After that I didn't feel so angry anymore!
Some people won't understand. They can't see the pain that being blanked about issues that are important to you causes. You have to ignore them.
The drinking needs to stop (but you know that!) it's just another thing that can be used against you.
Step back. If you feel it rising, leave the room and tell yourself "I have a right to feel this way". Because you can't keep carrying all the worries of the household.
Sorry for the rambling post. I really feel your pain.