It is not going well at all, I'm left crying.

[WutheringHeights]

I'm a bully towards my husband when we have arguments. I try to talk and make a point but all I get is silence or I dont know and I cant take it anymore as I seem to be a normal person outside closed doors. I'm suffering of depression (treated), pmt, anxiety due to money problem etc..

It is so complicated, I feel like the devil person and its affecting my children's lives. I have tried to talk to dh but I get silence so I reach for the bottle and it end up being worst. Now is the moment in which you are thinking I'm a shit person...

I had a bad day, I look after the girls while working and I told dh earlier that I felt bad and sad and that I miss home (foreigner here) but when he came back he sorted out the girls, then get ready for football, gave me a pat in the back, went to get a bottle of wine (I was already pissed), told me to have a bath and went to meet his mates. He didnt even turn his back.

I know I'm going to get a lot of kicks because I admitted I'm a bully, it drives me mad, we have problems, I try to find solution, I get silence, I get I dont know and I get frustrated and then I shout, I scream. Yes I'm a monster.

I dont think drinking is the problem at all, (although it might not be helping), i think the problem is your partner who is financially irresponsible ,emotionally neglectfull of you and completeley unconcerned of your feelings.

Living through one financial catastrophe after another isnt fun , neither is trying to talk to someone who isnt listening or doesnt even notice when your upset, its soul destroying. Why have you been made to feel awful this morning ? What has happened ?

In my opinion its him that sounds like a bully.

He is not a bully, he never shouts always keep in cool, its me who lose my rag..

Financial crisis is not fun and could have been prevented and I was drinking at the time, saving for xmas etc...

The booze definitely doesnt help,its just I feel often helpless and rely for it and I know its wrong but couldnt help myself.

What happened this morning is that I have told my friends that I couldnt go out, and she was not happy about it so I had to give her more details why I couldnt go out but we have made up since.

I'm feeling emotionally flat, dh left early this morning and promised to be early at home for a change, still nowhere to be seen !

Thank you all again !

Well I'm going to relate on the 6/05 so will take it from there ? Its a good move I think. This week end I'm alone so will try to think.

You are right Dittany , tonight I dont feel like speaking to him at all, so I'll try again tomorrow to mend things.

Bullying doesnt always take the form of shouting and yelling . Maybe im mistaken but it sounded like hed bullied you into paying for the car insurance.

Dittany - right about making changes to make my relationship works or not.

Its difficult to think of dh as a bully to be honest or maybe you think at a very low level ? I cant force him to treat me properly, his way of showing approval is to give pat in the back and the sex thing ??? Oh no not tonight, you know I need to do my shirt !! No not tonight, I have just played football ! Or I'm sorry I feel I'm coming down with something..Fucking hell how degrading is that ?? I gave up, the last rejection I got was : Oh please leave me alone I have just put the girls to sleep ! Nice.

I promise you he never hit me and never will on the other hand I have threw my converse at him last saturday as he left again the room while I was talking. Honestly, weither I speak, shout, scream, pull my hairs in despair, I have also wrote as well..I cant reach him.... He doesnt say whatever but it feels like it. I need new communication tools I think !

Leaving the room while someone is trying to talk to you is belittling and not on. I dont think youve got a problem communicating, youve got a problem with your husband refusing to listen to you which can be a form of bullying. Dittany will explain it better.

He does it everyyyyy time or the new one is : if it is the evening and it is time for bed and I want to pursuie (sp?) the discussion in the bedroom well he goes straight to the cupboard get a duvet and a pillow and fuck off in the living room. Its shit, I dont want to be a nag,a witch, I just wish it will be easier to have a conversation and sorting out the problemso we can move on or if we agree on something, well we stick to it.

belitling is the word I have tried to tell him, Dh I feel like you are belitling me when you turn your back on me. Couldnt say it, when I get frustrated my english is really bad.

Sorry to say this but refusing to acknowledge your feelings, stonewalling you ,are forms of emotional abuse. Presumably he doesnt do this to his freinds / family / boss ?

WH - .. you threw a shoe at him?

do you often throw things at him?

before he left the room on sat.. did you act in a threatening manner(possibly due to drink).. by this i mean pointing, pushing him. very "in his face" as the phrase goes?

be honest now?

dont - I do not often throw stuff at him and no I was drank as it was the middle of aternoon (dds were not here).

I did the pointing, threatening in his face no, I did pushed him once as he was carrying as if I was not there, I was asking 10 times the same question and no answer.. All our arguments are money based, mostly.

I'm so used to be the villain and him the goodie. After I lose it, I feel terrible, I read thread on women being emotionnaly abused and I see myself because of the shouting/screaming.

Sounds like hes trying to control you. Im wondering if he ever smirks at you when you get frustrated with him.

He does speak a bit in my language but its not great.

dignified - He doesnt speak, his face gets all red and nothing comes out.

I think we both need relate and I need to confess to someone about all the things I have done/said to be able to move on. I have really low self esteem, I never liked myself but I'm helping myself...

I really appreciate your help but I'm really scared someone is going to come on that thread and tell me that people like me should be locked in an institution or else.

They are almost bilingual.