ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 4

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Great day here, went to Science museum with DCs and H. Also nipped into Natural History Museum so DD could see Dinosaur section only. The main plan was the Science Museum though. Good day. DCs exhausted and me too. Off to bed soon

Waves to all. Chairmum, glad your hair turned out well, will give you a nice boost . Also glad to hear you sounding so positive again . Best of luck with all your apts next wk.

Tea, sounds like a nice day out.

DJ Happy, congrads on yet another successful night . Unfortunately I had a clash with spiderman so could only see links with volume down!

Had a bit of a moment today when could feel myself getting really angry, that I have full responsibility for dc's, that exh just walz's in for a few hrs when suits, that I'm so tied down, that trying to sort a placement for college next yr that I'll be able to manage with dc's is proving so hard, that I was unlucky enough to marry such a complete & utter fuckwit............to mention just a few of the reasons........

Was in the car when the anger struck & each thought was more depressing & self pitying then the previous. Had no luck in trying to change my thoughts & suddenly DJ Happy you gave me inspiration & I started to blast my favourite music. Worked a trick . Also drove past a wall where someone had painted "this too shall pass" (one of my fav expressions for sh*t times).

Hope everyone else is doing ok.........

Mmm sounds like ok days for all except for your anger moment Starting. But as you say it will pass.

Music is working really well for me also. Need to remember to put it on more as don't often think to do it. With two lots of music blasting out already from DC's I don't always think of a third.

Had a good hard look at music man today. Not sure. Defo not a long term prospect. Could I/Should I? Not sure. Have problems thinking about dabbling rather than a proper relationship but that's silly really.

Waves to all......

Quick answer, yes you could & yes you should!!!!!!!! Life's too short. You could be having fun with music man right now instead of listening to two diff lots of music blasting . Dabbling is deff the way to go for recovery! Proper relationships is what lead to the disasters we had..........

There will be plenty of time for proper relationships if you meet Mr right, right! In the meantime a spot of dabbling never hurt anyone .

Happy - I think like you and it may cross my mind to have a f.b. But I don't think I ever could. But I know what Starting is saying.

Whenever you're ready - do as you feel is right. Sounds wishy washy but if you keep changing your mind then you're not sure. No need to rush imo. IYSWIM?

Thanks chief advisors.

I will practice hard this week and see what the weekend brings

And will try very hard in middle of lesson not to think "what would dumplings do next?". That happened this week and I nearly collapsed in giggles.

Whether anything was to happen or not, I do find it funny how when you have 1-2-1 chats with someone over a period of time, you get into some quite deep converations. Have the same thing with my hairdresser who I have known for years and knows (or knew!) XH also. Hairdresser is not a candidate btw. He is, however, helping me to recover by giving me extra special haircuts. Last time I requested a "25yr old" haircut and he delivered well.

Waves to all. Happy what exactly are you going to be practicing this week?? Your flirtation skills or music skills ?? A bit of both perhaps..........

Had discussion with friend today about tattoo & am now thinking perhaps it's not such a bad idea. She's relaunching herself aswell at the moment & has more or less decided to get one. Have now moved from snake idea to possibly an angel (I'm big into angels). Won't make a def decision yet but am now pondering the back of my neck, that way would be covered by my hair if I wanted or visable when my hair is up.

Angel idea sounds nice. I'd probably go for top of bum cheek if me

Bums and necks sound good to me . Go for it Starting (too painful for me).

It will be music skills - I've got flirtation sussed thanks. i kind of think that if he's a really good musician, someone who is too crap to pass a basic exam is not going to be very appealing, so in one week I will be transformed into a pretty good musician .

The problem is that I just can't play when I'm laughing and he keeps on making me laugh. That coupled with my dumplings thoughts mid lesson means that I am at risk of ending up in a heap in the lesson.

On a different note have just had slight run in with XH who came to collect DC. Urrgh, not quite sure how to handle it really as he does of course own this house with me but when he comes to collect he just always seems to come right deep into house which I don't like. This time he came in and walked straight upstairs to see DC. Then tried to talk to me about something in front of DS. Nothing nasty but I felt a bit violated tbh. One moment I'm here happy with the DC's. The next moment he's in the house upstairs, talking at me, trying to put me on the spot on something, smirking. Really unpleasant. Feel like I need to say something to him but guessing it's best just to ignore? If I try to stop him coming right in uninvited then he will tell DCs' (I can just hear it) and the whole thing will be twisted so that DC's think I am causing a problem. What a nasty man he is.

Yikes Happy that's a difficult one. Exh is deff overstepping the mark by breezing into house. I wouldn't see a prob with telling dc's as ye don't live together anymore it is deff not appropriate for exh to be wandering around in house. No more than you'd wander into wherever he's living now. No biggie there, even small dc's understand boundaries. However where it becomes more difficult is if exh minds dc's at times in your house. If that's the case you've no choice but to swallow it down for now & let it go.

If it helps at all next time he breezes in visualise music man ripping your clothes off & having frenzied sex. That should put a smile on your face & you won't be a bit bothered by exh .

that made me laugh starting

once again I am listening hard to advice and will do as told

I am now simply desperate for a fb but I need to hold myself back I think before I unleash myself onto a shocked man, whether that be music man or man I find on street

Unacceptable Happy he has to respect your privacy and i hate to harp on but "the opposite of respect is disrespect"I would explain this to dcs im sure they will understand it is not appropriate behaviour ,i probably would have a shower and lock the bathroom door or sit on the floor with my ipod on just bore him out and start doing some tapping Happy .If this is making you uncomfortable then you need to protect yourself,he can get on with his own life but he has no right to weaken your positivity i always say to H we stay civilised you respect my feelings and this makes for a more positive and stable environment for dcs,has taken over 6 mths for me to get here but feel i am in a place now that I can speak up for my basic human rights and one of them is i have a right to be happy because i chose to live a life free from abuse,H changed his plans today to spend more time with the kids ,not a huge deal for most but a positive step for my h and kids (for today at least) x

XP Happy dont think having a healthy sex drive unacceptable

Perhaps ask mister guitar man to help open up your chakras.......

Thanks Maybees, I'm being a bit oversensitive I think as he is often quite respectful but ever since he said he wanted to leave the marriage he has always been willing to be funny to me in front of the kids which just makes me freeze and not know what to say as I find that totally unacceptable.

It's almost as if being nasty in front of the kids and watching me squirm as him doing it empowers him somehow. I just need to distance myself from him I think and not get caught up in it. The trouble is that when he does it the kids either go quiet or start to join in and before I know it I am getting nasty comments from XH and DC's (wtf). Think I just need to try to avoid such situations and keep my distance as he won't do it if I don't play the game.

I will play the music man game instead!

XP Maybees - beginning to think that musicman can lay his hands on me at any time and find my chakras .

Dont know if you still see your counsellor Happy but thats the kind of stuff i would chat to mine about then i understand it better and feel more secure when i communicate it back to H.You are empowered ,you are stronger I bet than you have ever been and you can play chords man ! So just polish up some kick ass ninja lines for H and assertiveness techiques ,basically i see it now as keeping my temper and stating my grievance and not being led into an argument ,also guitar man just take it easy .....why dont you ask him if he wants to jam.....

xp again Happy ....ROFL...dont mean you should get top tips from counsellor about opening up guitar mans root chakra...

Starting think angel sounds lovely...but still looking at celtic artwork.
Serpent on my shoulder ,just need to get the colours right .Are you sure you cant be tempted Happy !Def proper Rock N Roll !

It's all feeling the Witches Of Eastwick to me on the tattoo front

Think I would be happiest letting you guys go first and then doing it if it doesn't hurt too much

Ha, ha Happy, I said that too to my friend today "you go first & I'll see what your's looks like" . You're exh is being a twat when he does that in front of dc's. I would do as maybees suggests & have a few brief responses on the ready i.e. I'd apprecitate if you didn't speak to me like that & walk away. If that wouldn't work, just do sex visualisation as above & smile & walk away. He'll soon get fed up, he's only doing it because he's getting a reaction.

Just saw some beautiful rose quartz elephants ......lovely positive vibes...

Little Pink Elephant x

Yeah I did say something to him as he walked out today but probably didn't sound too good - need to work on being a bit more considered. Bottom line is that he really winds me up when he tries to throw his weight around as I worry what will happen when it gets to divorce time. He has made a few comments previously that make me worry that he could be quite difficult with solicitors etc which is scary and also seems so different to the man he used to be.

Problem is that he feels very angry, I think, about our marriage and I suspect that he will try to get back at me financially as a result. Is he justified? I don't think so but anger can do funny things to people. He needs counselling for sure IMO but as he finds it so hard to communicate effectively with people can't believe he would ever do counselling. He sees it as a crime I think. Shame as it would do him a lot of good. As would having his chakras done