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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you tell the bride?

95 replies

thesehorriblemen · 02/04/2010 13:00

My ex dp is currently arranging a Stag Do for his best friend. They are going to Amsterdam, overhearing a conversation between them is is clear that they are going out there to "be with" as many prostitutes as possible during the time they are there.

I couldn't give two hoots about my ex quite frankly but I know the bride to be, I am invited to the wedding, not going for various reasons but it really makes me feel quite bad that this girl is excitedly arranging her wedding and her groom to be is doing this.

I won't tell her, no good can come of it, but I really want to!

OP posts:

Collision · 02/04/2010 13:02

I would tell!

STDs are not pleasant!

BritFish · 02/04/2010 13:03

you should tell her.
always in situations like this, tell her, would you want someone to keep quiet so youd be stuck with this arsehole the rest of your life.

of course, that could just be banter, men joking etc etc, you need to make sure they're serious tbh.

DuelingFanjo · 02/04/2010 13:05

Does she know they are going to Amsterdam or have they kept that part a secret?

If she knows then maybe it's up to her to set the boundaries and maybe it's not her partner who is going to misbehave, maybe it's just your EX?

Thediaryofanobody · 02/04/2010 13:05

Tell her, he's using prostitutes they could be carrying STDs that could effect her health seriously or even stop her conceiving.

LoveBeingAMummy · 02/04/2010 13:07

There is no telling what will happen when he gets there, he could even say he has been with them when he hasn't.

tbh none of the option make for marriage material do they.

DuelingFanjo · 02/04/2010 13:08

Aren't the prostitutes in Amsterdam more likely to have been tested for STDs? And also more likely to insist on Condoms?

Malificence · 02/04/2010 13:15

Amsterdam is in the process of closing a huge amount of brothels, the mafia style gangs that run these places are using trafficked women, so any men using their services are guilty of rape as well as having appalling morals.

Would she want a rapist for a husband, let alone someone capable of visiting prostites in "celebration" of his forthcoming marriage?

I couldn't not tell.

RealityIsWalking100K · 02/04/2010 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Egwene · 02/04/2010 13:20

I would tell her what you have told us here; that you dont know what her DF may be planning but that your exP is planning to sleep with several prostitutes. She is then informed and able to deal with it as she sees fit. Hopefully she already knows and has discussed it with her DF and its all clear.

I have to say tho that personally I would not be happy with a stag do in Amsterdam.

DuelingFanjo · 02/04/2010 13:22

If it were me, I'd hide his passport. Specially if he's not told her where the stag do is!

Malificence · 02/04/2010 13:37

Sod hiding his passport - he needs sitting down and telling that he would be potentially participating in sexual slavery with young, frightened, probably drug addicted girls who are bought and sold like a cargo of meat.
If people think the majority of these girls are there by their own free will they are fools, and if the men don't care then you know what that makes them.

TrillianAstra · 02/04/2010 14:19

Hide his passport? If you need to hide his passport to stop him going with prostitutes (wouldn't work anyway) then you shouldn't be marrying him.

skihorse · 02/04/2010 14:28

malificence raises I think the hardest to swallow part of this all imo, it's not just prostitution - it is people traffiking and underage girls being forced to have sex. Horrific.

jenduff · 02/04/2010 14:31

Tell her no question - for all the reasons above

FabIsGettingThere · 02/04/2010 14:34

Before you go head on in to tell her why not ask her what she thinks the boys will be doing over there. Then, depending on her response you can decide what to say.

tiredfeet · 02/04/2010 14:35

yes you must tell her, for all the reasons above but also because it will be even worse for her if people she thought were knew and did not tell her. Its not a nice thing to have to tell someone but you absolutely must

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 02/04/2010 14:36

I would engineer a conversation with her where you tell her how your ex has been planning this trip to amsterdam and how he's planning to sleep with as many prostitutes as he can. Slag him off, say you hope he gets the clap but talk only about him and what he is planning to do.

She can do the 2 + 2 herself and you will not have said anything about her bloke! This is important because if you say "I think your fiancé might be planning to sleep with prostitutes" then she might turn on you, he might turn on you, it might get nasty. But if you are simply talking about your ex, then she will understand what is going to be happening in Amsterdam without you making any accusations about the man she is about to marry.

tummytime · 02/04/2010 14:40

Agree with twopenceworth completely and absolutely. She needs to know before she goes through with the marriage. Can you imagine how awful she'll feel if her DF does have sex with some prostitutes, a lot of people know about it and don't give her an opportunity to find out about it, even for the best of reasons?

FabIsGettingThere · 02/04/2010 14:47

She might just assume her man wouldn't do it though.

compo · 02/04/2010 14:54

Are you not going to the wedding because you don't get on?
If you're not friends anymore I'd get someone who is tbh otherwise you'll be known as a shit stirring bitch forever more

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 02/04/2010 14:58

She'd not be like most women if she didn't at least sit him down and threaten him with the removal of his danglies with a rusty carving knife if he so much as looked in the windows!

And maybe just having the conversation with him might be enough to make him feel it's not worth it.

I do think, like I said, that best thing, most tactful, least likely to make OP the bad guy, is to say that op's ex is planning to sleep with prostitutes. The bride to be will do whatever she feels best with that information.

MrsStig · 02/04/2010 14:59

Now, I would presume any bloke off to Amsterdam would be up to no good...so if she knows he's going, what does she think he'll be doing there?

Visiting the Anne Frank Museum?

RealityIsWalking100K · 02/04/2010 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Nancy66 · 02/04/2010 15:03

I wouldn't tell the bride.

It could all just be male bravado - and, to be frank, having sex with a prostitute who will insist on a condom is far lesk risky than picking a girl up in a UK club.

Are you sure you don't just want to stir things to get back at your ex?

ericnorthmansmistress · 02/04/2010 15:21

There's no good, and no good though, I would expect a normal group of lads to go to Amsterdam to be able to buy and take drugs legally and probably tour the red light district and feel a bit outrageous by going to a sex show. I wouldn't expect normal men to go to sleep with prostitutes. My brother has been to Amsterdam several times, It would never cross my mind he was intending to sleep with prostitutes there, rather that he was going to get out of his box in some coffee shop.

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