Would you tell the bride?

[thesehorriblemen]

My ex dp is currently arranging a Stag Do for his best friend. They are going to Amsterdam, overhearing a conversation between them is is clear that they are going out there to "be with" as many prostitutes as possible during the time they are there.

I couldn't give two hoots about my ex quite frankly but I know the bride to be, I am invited to the wedding, not going for various reasons but it really makes me feel quite bad that this girl is excitedly arranging her wedding and her groom to be is doing this.

I won't tell her, no good can come of it, but I really want to!

butt out. It has nothing to do with you

Jasper - it obviously does have something to do with the OP or she wouldn't have posted at all. It's to do with her because:
1)She's been through this and wants to protect someone else
2) Many of us (OP included by sounds of it)have a conscience about things inflicted on other women, friends or not
3)The OP is stressed and unhappy by what she can see developing short and long term

If the DH to be is the kind of person that would use a prostitute the woman in question NEEDS TO KNOW - as Dittany points out, it's not just because of their relationship ,the deceit etc She needs to know because it shows that DH to be doesn't care about the possibility that he's going to commit rape.

Make sure you know your facts for sure before you say anything.

DH went on a stag do where some of his mates organised a prostitute for the stag- he went in then walked straight out the back door to dh and the rest of the group so that the organisers thought he'd been in when he hadn't iyswim.

'Saving face' I guess

You can, perhaps should talk to her, but I think that you are on a loser:

1)On stag nights, the groom can pretend(?) that it is all a big tease arranged by the naughty best man and friends and that he will not actually do anything.

2)Most bride to be's should have worked out the character of their OH and if she knows he is going to Amsterdam then she should have joined up the dots and

Perhaps you could speak to the groom yourself about this. I think that is what a real friend might do. YOu could even say to your friend, "My exP is taking to hubby to AMs for stag night. As your friend, I should have a word with your hubby to ensure that he isn't going to be up to what my exP is likely to be up to!" or similar.

...is taking to your hubby to Ams ....

Man ... For the benefit of those who say men have only one reason to go to Amsterdam: plenty of stag groups go to Amsterdam and never go near the prostitutes. I've been three times on stag groups; none of us visited a prostitute. Several of us smoked an awful lot of dope. Some of us did indeed visit the Anne Frank Museum. Others visited the Rijksmuseum. Men don't just think with their dicks.

Maybe so, Dittany, but equally it's unfair to assume all men who got to Amsterdam want to have sex with prostitutes. That's the only point I am making.

At the moment OP is taking her ex's word for it. She could do her friend a favour by having a light chat with the groom. If this is done in the right way then no one need get offended/hurt if his intention is to reserach Anne Frank, smoke pot or whatever else "innocent" activities stags like to do in Ams.

Only danger with my suggestion is that we aren't sure how liberal the bride to be is. I assume that she isn't that liberal?

Either way, I think that it is safe to be tactful whatever OP chooses to do.

Yes, Dittany, they did.

TDiddy - what's liberal and agreement with prostitution got to do with it? Amsterdam has a veritable array of prostitutes from poor countries - African, Asian, Eastern European. Are the brothels full of women who had great education opportunities and families back home who can feed themselves?

I also disagree with the 'most men who go to Amsterdam are going for the prostitutes' line.
I know if my dh and his mates went it would be for the dope, not the sex. My dh doesn't even like taking a taxi, let alone paying for sex!

So in this case the bride might well be naively assuming he won't be planning anything nasty.
If you have her on facebook I think I would send her a message saying what your ex is planning and plant the seed that way, as others have suggested.

Definitely tell her somehow, (facebook ? seeing as you can see her status) be careful how you word it and make sure that you tell her its because you can see how excited she is.

you think she might need to have a word with him before he goes and not just assume hes going to be a good boy cause he's there with your ex and you know what hes like !

Forewarned is forearmed and if us ladies don't tell each other whats going on the bloody blokes never will

I would tell her

Eurostar - I am fairly ignorant about the origins of Amsterdam prostitutes. I also know nothing about the bride to be attitude to her groom/sex. That is the small point that I was making; just a footnote to my point above; not a great big point.

SMP ... I read the OP. I wasn't answering her. I was answering all the people who suggested prostitution was the only reason for groups of men to go to Amsterdam. My saying that is not true does not signal disagreement with the original complaint.