Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

have asked partner to leave even tho doesnt actually live with me

90 replies

missjm · 22/03/2010 22:05

been together 4 years, have 1 yr old and nother on way, he stays with me every night but wont move in, he says he will when i get a bigger house cause theres no room for his clothes here. every mornin he goes home to his mums to pick up his packed lunch and get changed for work, soon as hes finished work its straight back to mummies for his dinner wash and change, most nights hes out somewhwre only coming back to my house when im ready to go to bed and the babies in bed, he doesnt help me do anything to improve the house because hes too tired after being at work allday, he knows it makes me unhappy he wont move in, but says im crap at cooking and dont iron enough, it just all seems like any excuse not to make a proper comitment to me, i feel like nothing will ever change with him and it makes me so sad. he doesnt seem to care about my feelings at all, he came to 1 scan with me for this baby and told me not to ask him to come to anymore cause getting time off work is hard, i have to have extra scans with this baby to monitor its growth. i love him but think its not really returned. he was married before for 8 years and still not divorced. i think ive done the right thing by asking him to go, he says im just a miserable cow, hes gone before but ive always had hom back cause i missed him. he is 39 im 31. any advice would be great.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 22/03/2010 22:08

You are well rid of this man. He is a cocklodger and having him move in with you would make things far worse - you would be doing the packed lunches and cooking his dinner, you would get no more help with the DC but a lot more mess and housework.
TBH this man sounds like he considers you not as a partner, but as somewhere he can go for sex when he feels like it. Were either of the DC planned or is he the sort of bloke who is too selfish to use a condom, as well?

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 22/03/2010 22:11

Bloody hell woman, what are you doing?? He's either a mummys boy and no woman can ever compete with her as she's so high up she's almost god to him, or he's after a quick shag with no committment.

Either way, you deserve so much better then this, so much better then someone who thinks you're crap at cooking and can't iron, that your house isn't big enough. He's a twonk, his first wife had the right idea.

There's alot of really lovely blokes out there, you have to find alot of frogs to find your prince and he really is a frog, what appauling behaviour!!

ShinyAndNew · 22/03/2010 22:12

Blimey I thought mine was a mummy's boy. Run. Run fast.

Original poster
missjm · 22/03/2010 22:16

neither was planned, used condoms sometimes but they all seemed to split, tried a pill that was suitable for when breast feeding but had bad reaction to it, cant blame my situation on any1 but mself, always hoped thing would change, but think time to face facts, there not.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/03/2010 22:19

dear God almighty

please tell me this is a wind-up

SolidGoldBrass · 22/03/2010 22:19

No, he's not going to change and you really shouldn't waste a minute more of your life hoping for him to do so. At least he doesn;t live in your house, so you can change the locks if you think he's going to do the 'You don't really mean it' thing and keep turning up.
Have you been to CAB or anywhere else for information about access/maintenance. He may not have planned to have DC with you but that doesn't stop him being legally liable to contribute financially to their upbringing (and if he lives with Mummy he should have a fair bit of disposable income).

Original poster
missjm · 22/03/2010 22:21

he even gets his mum to pack his suitcase when we go on holiday, last week he came round without getting changed from work, his dad was on phone to him nxt day telling him it was time to go home and get showered and changed!!!

OP posts:
hocuspontas · 22/03/2010 22:22

Are you mad??? Of COURSE you've done the right thing!! Whatever you do DON'T let him back into your life - move on while you still have some self-respect. Good luck.

ShinyAndNew · 22/03/2010 22:24

How old is he?

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 22/03/2010 22:26

Look up shiney! He's 39!!!

QuintessentialShadows · 22/03/2010 22:27

holy cow.

Why would he wait till YOU get a bigger house, cant HE get a bigger house for all of you?

He is a sponger. A man who soakes up from everybody else. And if you squeeze real hard, you may get some dirty water out.

BitOfFun · 22/03/2010 22:29

I can't believe you've had children with this man, but I guess you'd not wish them away, so you just have to get on with things. Dear lord, he sounds an appalling waste of space. What on earth do you see in him? And I am sitting on my hands now in case you say he's a good dad...

ShinyAndNew · 22/03/2010 22:31

39 . I am disturbed by the way his parents are treating him. MIL virtually shoved DH out of the door when he met me. And this is the same mil that woudn't let him use the oven untill he was 21.

Original poster
missjm · 22/03/2010 22:43

i feel like we would of had a better chance if the parents didnt treat him like he was 10 and refused to stop doing his cooking and things for him, i suppose he told them im inadequote

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 22/03/2010 22:45

You have enabled this too though, by putting up with it, and by taking him back.

BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny · 22/03/2010 22:46

This 'man' (I use this term loosely) doesn't do anything to help you raise your children!! I know it must seem so painful for you now, there's a lovely future for you and your children though, you have to go and get it. This man is nothing more then a weight around your feet, well done you for getting rid.

GypsyMoth · 22/03/2010 22:48

was he supporting you all? how will you cope financially??

mrsboogie · 22/03/2010 22:51

he's 39? and his dad rings him up to tell him to come home for his tea? ehm. there's something very wrong there.

I can't believe this.

templemaiden · 22/03/2010 22:53

He's an arse - you're well rid. Nuff said.

Original poster
missjm · 22/03/2010 22:53

i know im in this situatin now cause let things be crap for so long, smoked weed to try n forget my situation n escape, cant do this now tho cause new1 on the way, praps thats why have finally told him how i feel and to go

OP posts:
templemaiden · 22/03/2010 22:55

Well, if you have told him to go and you're confortable with that, what advice are you looking for? Or do you want us all just to tell you you've made the right decision?

Cos you have!

Doha · 22/03/2010 22:57

Is this for real?? surely a wind up

Run for the hills my dear you will be so much better on your own --well you are anyway,

Get money from him for the kids--he surely can afford it as he seems to spong eof everybody without dipping into his pockets

Original poster
missjm · 22/03/2010 22:57

he gave me money each week to support baby, and pay for the xtra bills i had by him staying here

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 22/03/2010 23:00

and how about money for bills/rent/your outgoings?

where has that been coming from? and what will you do now?

Original poster
missjm · 22/03/2010 23:01

spose cause its 1st proper longterm relationship iv had, thought you had to put up with shit,

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread