ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No3

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

The chocolate is good and getting the paper .

The big challenge now will be reading the paper. Take it slowly, a few headlines, the TV guide, and if there's a body and soul section then go carefully watching out for relationship articles.

A shame you were not around yesterday as you could have joined the Dumpling meet up. But I'm sure there will be another.

Good to hear that DC is out enjoying himself. Good for him to have some good times. I am finding that we can have a lot more fun in the house now that XH is gone. And luckily at the moment, he seems to be ok to come and fix things when they break which is useful. A new quote ... "better to have a good handyman than a cr** H"...

Chin up, tits out.

I suggest at least another hour outside today if not more.

not with my tits out - i would cause an eclipse

off to do ironing now do i do his or just mine and DC? I usually do all but feel like saying f* it to his - but on the other hand I cannot bear to see ironing just "sitting" there.

Oh the dilema

Hi Moviegirl, haven't read any other threads so I'm not up to speed with what's going on for you. Sending you hugs though & hope things get better for you soon. As I don't know the background hard to help with ironing dilema. If he's been a complete twunt & if it's over, I wouldn't be doing his ironing. You could always fold it all & put it back in cupboards so it won't be annoying you.

Hi Happy, sounds like the emotional stuff is all positive so that's great. You prob know deep down that teenage boys will have no interest in fly person...........

Sorry am no help on the photo front..........

Operation garden hasn't commenced yet as I've been doing a frantic run around house to pack up all crap I don't want to ship off to exh on tues.......... Involved a few trips to attic but am feeling rather chuffed with ingenious mean of off loading crap...........NOTHING remotely useful has been packed

Mid life crisis is my thread

long story over past three weeks

blew up - took him back tried our best, on holiday last week, blew up again.

Wednesday night (he was drunk) we were arguing and he started to make love to me... after around 10 minutes he stopped and said no more. I said what do you mean? I asked how he could make love to me and then stop, that it was sooo cruel? He said he wanted to teach me a lesson, take my heart and rip it out like I did to him all those years ago. Oh and by the way all this is my fault.

Happy days

Don't tough his ironing Movie - good idea to put it in cupboard. And if you did it could I ask what jobs he would be doing as "his share?"

You may laugh Starting but my DS asked this am if he could hoover? Train them early. A TEENAGE BOY WILL DO ANYTHING FOR MORE POCKET MONEY! Thinking of starting the teenage fly but not sure I can afford it.

I'm a bit the same on sorting stuff out for my XH Starting. It's quite nice to give him bags of things you know he doesn't want...

DH used to do all the cooking in our house - he is very good at it and it is the one thing I hate. I wouldnt cook as he was so good at cooking anything I made didnt live up to his standards - he used to critisise my mums cooking if she did tea for us which from time to time she would do to help me out (both working full time) > I have to admit most of his food is fabulous but of course then i wouldnt critizise someones cooking like that I just eat and say nowt. Last month or so he stopped so I have had to do that also - i do all other housework/gardening/diy etc.....

the longer i am on here the more i do wonder exactly why am i even thinking about making a go of it with him - what does he give to me --- of course that's me being selfish as usual!

"Don't tough his ironing" - did I mean do?

Then are many MNers more wise than me but IMO I would focus on yourself, your DC and your parents at the moment. I think you need to make a good life for yourselves and well, if he wants to rise to the occasion and engage/help/be supportive etc then you can see what you think then. In the meantime I'd try to keep your emotional and physical distance.

My experience is not everyones obviously but when XH left it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and the house felt lighter.

ALL Dumplings, I've just remembered that I haven't done a quote for a while....get this one...

"In everybody's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit".

So...whether its your DC's, family members, RL friends, fellow Dumplings or maybe a shag buddy - remember that one.

Not much to report here, there's a sort of update on my other thread to Hoochie. Just ticking along right now. Hoping the solicitor gets back to me this week coming on time scale and things she requires etc.

Surprisingly upbeat today. Still teraful when I think too hard about everything but I'm starting to KNOW I've made the right choice...

He is back from gaming night -had a shit time apparently - poor thing! my heart bleeds

told him about the sex thing (see midlife crisis thread) and he was totallly shocked as he couldnt remember a bit of it. Cannot apologise enough about it.

still doesnt know what he wants so guess i just have to wait and see.

upstairs with laptop and having a snooze

left his ironing but done mine and DC all nicley done and put away - result

If he said all that stuff to you when he was drunk surely he knows he has a drink problem
Has he acknowledged this at all,will he seek help for childhood issues ?Still looking at my ironing so congrats on that MG.
T&C glad your cool !

Thoroughly mixed up today but at least the sun is shining,feeling responsible for making separation permanent cos H still wants to be home.Still think we are better on our own but watching him getting weaker not great ,just want him to get help to build his self esteem ,just want to see him strong b4 I finally throw the towel in,cracking day here away out to enjoy the sun x

ps wot reader told me about never being able to truly trust him again is stuck in my head,am I paying too much attention to this.Just feel if his family had supported him from the start this wouldnt have been so stressful for him,really think h had a nervous breakdown thru winter with no support ,makes me terribly sad.

Ok, I could lie & say I'm on a break but just spent past few hrs with a friend so operation garden never really got off the ground........Am off out now in a min to squeeze as much in as poss.

Moviegirl, will read your other thread later. Glad you ditched the ironing anyway.

Maybees, you can't save anyone else. Your H needs to take full responsibility for his own behaviour, he's an adult. You need to mind you & dc's for now & provide dc's with a stable home. It doesn't sound like you'll be able to do that with H around.

Happy, you are an inspiration.........as soon as ds(4) is home I'm going to teach him how to iron . Actually I've already got him trained to bring in bins which is more than his father ever did.........

Love the quote. Just need someone to ignite my fire now

Tea, will ready your update later too. Glad to hear you're feeling more upbeat anyway.....

I know I know I know ........

Afternoon all.

Tea - glad you're feeling ok

Maybees - it is sad, but he has to make steps himself to make his world different. They're not your steps.

Operation House has kind of started (well I dared to go in the mouse cupboard at least...)

Flowers cut and in house

Off to find out what this shiny sink business is all about

Just tell me this ....do all of them know they are being manipulative or are they just out of control regarding responsibility ...just get so messed up seeing him.
Away to walk the dog

DD helping with flowers in the house thing,she just picks daffodils wherever she finds them...

I read addiction thread. V Funny and too true.

Maybee - I sometimes think with a man with an addiction, they're so caught up in their problems (Oh woe is me ) that they do not think about what they are doing half the time. But I suspect not all behaviour is that and some is perhaps them manipulating a little personally.

When we all talk about what our blokes have done, my overiding sense is the selfishness of them all. Complete and total selfishness. It's not what marriage/ relationships is about is it?

Thanks Happy ur right theyre not my steps x

Maybees, he knows he's the prob but finds it hard to break the habit of blaming you perhaps............as long as he keeps blaming you he doesn't have to look at himself.

I've daffodils, dandalions & daisys courtesy of ds & dd..........

Happy, keep us posted about the sink......

Tea, you are so right. Selfish & immature are the two major characteristics of these twunts............

I know T thats it and when we hear each others stories it all quite clear but its RL and dcs involved and so WE try and FIX what they selfishly have broken.Everytime I feel like this I come back more detatched from H just trying to sort out things in my head I guess... ok away for a walk x

Yep Hit the nail on the head Startin'

Thankyou dumplings x

You'll get through this maybees. Just be real gentle & kind to yourself for now. Baby steps. Sending you big hugs.

Am really going to do garden now.......

The great thing though when they keep letting us down and we keep trying (in a way) is that each time it happens, it helps us become stronger and realise we need to let go and move on and it is what is best for the DCs. So slowly slowly through the trying and then let down by them, we finally come to a place where we're strong enough to say "no, enough is enough".

It took me a long time to come to this place but it is liberating and freeing when you reach it

We can also look back and know we truly did try our best before divorce.

Tea, that is exactly how I feel & it is liberating