DP Left me......how the f**K do I cope?

[lilymolly]

I told dp to pak his bags on sunday following a stupid argument about him going to the pub all the time.

Anyhow, he left and has not had any contact with me since

Leaving dd 4 and ds nearly 1 plus various other animals etc!

I feel like my world has collapased.

I am due to go back to work next week following a years mat leave and I dont think I can cope.

He has told me I can keep the house and he will continue to support me etc etc..

I have been making his life a misery apparantley, and the reason he goes to the pub is to get away from me

He do everything for him, and I mean everything (run his business, cleaning, washing, banking, ironing, even buy his fucking clothes)

Please tell me how to get through this next few days/weeks

How do I tell dd (4)? without bursting into tears?

DO I stay in the house or sell up and move somewhere else?

its a large house with land, so it needs some taking care of which I am not sure I can do alone.....having said that. I dont want to disrupt the children too much.

How do I persuade him to give it another chance?

we only got engaged last year, and he was only talking of extending the house and even booking a holiday last week? and now he says he cant stand me and never wants to be with me?

Please help me??

Hello lillymolly

My story is very similar to yours. Me and dh have had a few months of ongoing arguing/bickering and tensions within the relationship. Most of them are about him spending time in the pub. He likes to go after work and not come straight home and I don't think it is fair on ds. This is a big issue fro me. But also I have issues of trust as 6 years ago he left me for another woman which lasted afew months and we eventually got back together. He would never do counselling with me afterwards.

Four weeks ago I phoned him up in the pub had a moan and he said he wasnt coming home. He came back next day and packed a bag and went. He is living at his dad's.

The day he went he said the following:

He didn't or could never love me again
He didn't fancy me
He couldn't stand another minute in the same house as me
That ds(who is also 4) would get over it as kids are resilient.
I asked him to reconsider and try relate and he said they can't make me love you. He even said no amount of crying will make me love you again - i want better and i am going to find it!

He also said that my family wouldn't hate him this time as it is because he doesn't love me any more and not to do with someone else.

Since going he has said he can't believe none of my family has contacted him to see how HE is!

I am feeling like you - it is hell i know if you fancy it please cat me.

Pineapplecube & Lilymolly can I recommend that you both go for counselling on your own (regardless of whether your DPs come back etc). A solicitor recommended I went because I was in such a state so I booked an appointment at Relate for myself. They arranged to see me within 10 days.

By the time the appointment came around my H came with me (he left OW by then). We had individual counselling as well - so we could understand we both behaved the way we did eg why I put up with his behaviour (co-dependent issues).

Seperation does affect your DC, mine are still insecure at times especially if their father is late home etc. I also agree that it is better to be from a broken home than to live in one though.

Take care of yourselves.

not good girls

having a bit of a breakdown tbh

mum and dad are here and ex dp has now sorted his act out and helping with the children and animals etc

On anti dep and ant sickness tablets but have not eaten for 5 days but taking pharmacy milkshakes nutritional supplements so hopefully they will keep me going.

Def gonna go for some counselling

Gonna postpone going back to work I think

Will post soon when I get my stregnth back x

Take care Lilymolly, if the anxiety gets too much and you're not sleeping, ask the GP for some diazepam to use temporarily - it helped me through the first 10/14 days of the trauma/devastation. Lean on anybody you can.

Yes all you can do is take care of you and kids. Take all support. Try to eat and drink. Go to doctor as counting says if you need. Its such a horrible time - get yourself through every hour.

Lily, I am so, so sorry

Please take all offers of RL help and make sure you are putting yourself first

I am thinking of you x

Hi Liily

4 weeks on for me and I am managing to eat abit now, the shock/numb stage does not last too long. Amazing what the body can cope with when it has no choice.

hugs xxxxxx

well girls

Here is the update

Mum stayed all weekend and yesterday was my lowest point,

I felt like being admitted to a mental hospital as I felt lik I had no hope.

ex dp came and took kids away for the afternoon and we had a chat and mum and dad helped me with the dcs.

He has told me that he should never have left the way he had and that he is here for me and dc when ever I need him

He is going to do some cosmetic work on the house prior to it selling and he wants me to have the larger share of the 150k equity so I can set myself up with the kids for life. Not sure if thats the guilt talking but even If I get half its still 75k so that plus a 75k mortgage will get me a lovely house in village although I will be losing my dream house and the 5 acres of land and stable we have but there is no way I can stay and afford this house on my own

dd is really pushing the boundries and is being cheeky etc but she is just confused with things bless her.

I have decided to maybe have a least a week off work sick before I make go back to work and my manager has been supportive (so far) but I have just had a year of on mat leave, so I cant mess them around for long

I am so hoping that we can split amicably

his mum and dad are ok with him as are my mam and dad as long as he supports me and dc so fingers crossed that it does not get nasty as that would destroy me and the dc

did he give any reasons at all for his appalling behaviour ?

No just he could not face the dc without having a talk to me.

He still has not accepted he really has done anything wrong, but once my dad gave him a bollocking he came around and so far since friday he has been supportive and spent a lot of time with children. He also sorted out various jobs around the stables etc

I dont want to make excuses for his behaviour but I dont really see any point in getting mad at him, as long as he keeps being supportive and good to us then I can maintain a relatively friendly relationship with him.

Surely that is better all round? esp for the dc?
He said he will go to relate so we can split amicably

all the best of good luck to you x