Please help a very sad and confused new dad

[LostBoy]

Hello all
I am writing this post out of shher desperation in the hope that someone will be able to offer me some helpful advice.
I have been with my wife for 8 years and we have had what i would consider a normal healthy loving relationship, Of course we have had ups and downs and rows and disagreements but no more so than any other couple I know.
We have recently become parents (9 months ago) to a beautiful baby girl and things at first were fine we were a very happy little family and were getting along really great working as a team learning how to be a family.
Our daughter had slept in her cot from the day we come home from the hospital and would wake on average 3 times a night for feeds.
we both shared all responsibilites and were supporting one another really well and really enjoying being parents.
However when the baby was around 6 months old she got a bad cold and was very poorly and upset and would not sleep without being cuddled so we had her in bed with us which was fine and we both discussed that we would not let her get used to this and as soon as she was better she would go back to her cot as our bed is not big enough for all three of us and both me and my wife were not sleeping as well as a result.
However when the baby was well agian my wife refused to put her back in to her cot and insisted the baby sleep in with us saying that the baby would no longer sleep in the cot which was untrue as I had been putting her down to sleep in the cot but my wife was then getting her out of the cot and bringing her in to bed with us.
I tried to explain to her that I thought this was not a good thing to be doing as it was a big step backwards for the baby and none of us were sleeping as well anymore.
She accused me of not wanting the baby in our bed so because I wanted sex which was totally not the case as I love my wife very much and would like nothing more than to be able to make love to her but she has told me that she dosent feel ready too and that is fine with me and I would never ever try to pressure her in to something she did not want and I told her this and that I was more than happy to wait as long as she needed.
ut then she started to accuse me of only doing stuff for her helping her and being nice to her so that she would have sex with me, she also began to accuse me of thinking things and would make her mind up what my intentions were and what i was going to say before I had had a chance to say anything choosing always to see the bad side of whatever I said or twst my words and actions in to something really ugly,
I love my wife with all my heart and it is deeply upsetting for me to hear the spiteful and nasty stuff she says about me and accuses me of.
It got so bad thet she would not let me even hug kiss or touch her and whenever I showed any sign of affection towards her she would get angry,
She is seeing a CBT councellor for post natal depression and we have been going to relate together but she is unwilling to try to make it work and it has now come to the stage where she is saying she dosent love me and has made me move out of our flat and I an now staying with friends.
I have continued to tell her I love her and that I will always be there for her and tried to make her feel better about herself but all i get in return is anger and spitefull comments.
She is almost unrecognosible as the woman I Love and behaves so completely irratonally and unreasonably but refuses to see this and blames me for everything and gets angry over nothing and will use anything to try to start a fight with me. I am at a total loss as to what to do now.
I love my wife so much and she has given me the most amazing thing in the world all I want is to be able to love them both care for them be there and be a family. But she has got so hostile and aggressive towards me now that I am scared for her and cannot stand to be around her and see her this way.
Our daughter is upset that I am not around and although I try to be ther as much as I can my wife is making it impossible for me to vist and refuses to let me be alone with the baby.
please please help me I have never felt so sad and desperate.

Quint, true on both points.

BT, I wouldn't.

Then again, I know many people wouldn't name their children as I've named mine I tend to err on blithe acceptance when it comes to baby naming.

I think here in Scotland they might, cannot think of any at ds's nursery though.

Lostboy, I so hope you and your wife get through this, I have no advice other than please try to be strong, you sound as though you are doing your best and thats all you can do really. FWIW I think your wife (possibly unknowingly due to her PND) has a fantastic DH waiting in the wings. My DH was totally unsupportive of my PND and to this day disputes I ever had it, twice with ADs and plently of gp visits. Nothing short of a miracle we are still together. I hope that YOU have plenty of family and friends to support you and that your DW gets better really soon.

! whats a polytroll?

A troll with myriad guises.

Could for example present themselves as each of the three billy goats gruff and the bridgdweller, on the wame thread.

same

blimey (i'm such a rookie at this) what for??

Nonna - are you for real?

I think the most vitriolic thing here is the any female thing coming from femails. That OPs wife if unhinged, mad, bonkers, unstable.

That's what's sad - I think the OP does sound abit sorry for himself but not as sorry as sorry for him as some of the posters who brand his wife as unstable.

I think Ian may be his fil.

Blimey. What a thread.

message withdrawn - either it's a very sophistiacted poly-troll or that really was mil/fil

If nonna is a troll, and the op isnt, she has quite successfully managed to cast doubts onto the OP's truthfulness.

If nonna is indeed grandmother of this child, it will for sure have sparked a debate within the family.

How is the OP to know? If he is real, it has most likely scared the heebiejeebies out of him. If SHE is real, one is to hope the wife has some support.

If neither are real? Then we have all been had. But not everything is lost, because I am sure somebody has been reading and taking the good advice on board....

What did the missing message say? Im baffled now.

Sun, same reasons as a monotroll except potentially more humourous/ confusing/ upsetting/ convincing, according to effect.

It's extreme trolling

Are you a guise?!

Joke!

I couldn't give a stuff if Nonna is the MIL or FIL - the OP has the absolute right to ask for advice about a problem on Mumsnet, without being afraid that his in-laws might take offence. Unlike Nonna, he included nothing that could identify people in RL.

he has the right to post for advice. but he doesn't have the right to expect his in-laws not to take offence.

and I think he did post enough info to identify himself - age and gender of baby, length of marriage, the whole cot-co-sleeping thing, pnd plus cbt, relate, him staying with friend, a very specific incident involving an argument about baby-wipes...

I'm sure LB will post again at some point to say a very well mannered 'thank you for all your posts' with a large undercurrent of 'I'm right, you've got it all wrong but I'll keep repeating myself because the only reason you aren't all supporting me is that some of you are just a little bit too thick to understand me, without plentiful repetition'.

Dittany, a panderer is a pimp. Your views must have changed dramatically.

and Henley was very supported by many here...to the extent they were suggesting ways in which he could find out which refuge she was in....I think that counts as woman-hating....