"I have never forced my will on my wife of daughter and would never overrule any of her descisions on the basis that I didnt agree." Well, yes, you say she 'refused' (an order from a superior officer?) to put the baby back in the cot, and got up and put her back yourself, then she got up and brought the baby back to bed. You tried to overrule her on the basis that you didn't agree (what other basis could there be?).
"I have been nothing but loving and supportive of her..." This sounds extremely defensive to me, not the statement of a man who has learned anything from this thread, not the statement of a man who has any intention of learning anything or taking any advice on board from women whose insights he asked for, and with the stated aim of improving the relationship with his wife and child.
"...as well as being very positive and encouraging." This comes across as quite patronising. You may have thought your wife needed encouragement as a mother, and it was nice of you, but encouragement can come across as something else entirely.
Your wife is not the only one experiencing the chaos of the first year of parenthood. You are too. Often, men will deal with this situation of chaos by adopting an "I'm in charge" posture (telling her what's best for the child, deciding what sort of sleep she's getting, removing the baby back to the cot after a feeding despite his wife's 'refusal', dishing out compliments) trying to fix things, as many have pointed out, when in fact, nothing needs fixing. The Mr. FixIt position is a coping mechanism for the new father just as much as the co-sleeping, go with the flow approach of many new mothers.
A vastly changed and very difficult family situation where sleep deprivation and the enormous physical demands on both partners (but especially the mother) is hard for a father to cope with just the same as it is for the mother. Adopting the role of Captain of the family ship gives a new father the illusion of control despite all the change, and the fact that pretty much everything you do this first year is in fact dictated by the baby.
A man can convince himself that everything is going along fine with the control that exists in his mind, except when it comes to a wife not responding to him sexually. That is hard to deal with, partly because it is a rejection of him as a man, and also because it is a reminder that he is not in charge. When I say 'control' here I am talking about a coping mechanism. We all have coping mechanisms. New fathers are doing this for the first time too, but this particular new father seems very unwilling to face his contribution to the impasse, bin his illusion of control and start again. This is not man-bashing, just an attempt to explore a dynamic. The attempt to control the situation is frequently a cause of resentment and even serious misunderstanding between husbands and wives in a baby's first year. It can also contribute to PND in a mother.
"For the record..." What record? I noticed inthe OP that friends recommended Lostboy should go on MN. Is MN some sort of jury that gets to cast a vote as to who is 'right' in the case of Mr. L vs. Mrs. L? Have the friends been regaled with Lostboy's list of how she done him wrong?
Lostboy, I (and many others) have advised you before on this thread to tear up your list of unreasonable things your wife has done and start listening to her. You seem unable to wrap your head around this idea.
You have a list of things you do and say that make you a fabulous husband and father, and every time you post and ask how you can help your wife you trot out another example of your wife's unreasonableness and another example of what a fab dad you are, how supportive you are, etc. But not once have you shown, in any post, that you have a clue about PND. You recount examples of her anger and her 'unreasonableness' and her attitude to you and seem completely unable to join the dots and get a picture of PND. I recommend you google PND and do your darndest to really absorb the information you find.