"She is seeing a CBT councellor for post natal depression and we have been going to relate together but she is unwilling to try to make it work and it has now come to the stage where she is saying she dosent love me and has made me move out of our flat and I an now staying with friends."
It is worth noting that this reference to PND is an afterthought here in the very long OP, where the following language is used wrt the DW:
Verbs: 'accused', 'insisted', 'refused'.
(There's quite a contrast with the OP's language in relation to his own words and actions, btw)
Descriptions/ adjectives: 'spiteful and nasty stuff she says about me and accuses me of...' 'angry', 'unwilling', 'all I get in return is anger and spiteful comments', 'She is almost unrecognisible as the woman I Love and behaves so completely irrationally and unreasonably but refuses to see this and blames me for everything and gets angry over nothing and will use anything to try to start a fight with me...', hostile and aggressive'.
The last comment reveals a complete lack of understanding of the fact that the wife is suffering from PND. It followed immediately after the reference to the CBT therapy the wife was receiving for PND, but the OP doesn't seem to have made any connection anywhere between the DW's depression and why he is now sleeping with friends.
She 'will use anything to try to start a fight with me' -- I am now wondering if there have been fights, or heated arguments. No mention has been made of the outcome of the DW's efforts to start fights...
The OP hasn't acknowledged any questions about the wife's support system (which is very important when a couple has a baby, even in the best of circumstances), whether her HV or her family or friends, nor has he reported any efforts he may have made to find out more about PND. He has said absolutely nothing about what he has done to help his wife through PND, except to try to do the babycare (normally very welcome but in this case, his involvement in babycare seems to be one of the contributing factors to the problem as far as his wife is concerned, so not actually helpful.) And furthermore, the report of his efforts to take care of the baby was in the context of regaling us with an example of his wife's unreasonableness and how unhinged she is, in contrast with how nice he is.
To judge from what he himself has posted, the situation as he sees it is one of the OP vs. the DW, whom he sees as existing in some sort of insane vacuum. There are details in his posts that reveal a lot of anger and hurt feelings on the part of the OP, and an inability to see things from the pov of someone near and dear to him. The gist of his OP was his anguish that Relate was getting him nowhere and he was missing his wife and family, even though she was such an unreasonable, spiteful and angry woman.
None of his subsequent posts have revealed much insight, although he has thanked everyone (after dividing posters into categories, 'For Me' or 'Against Me') and stated that he will try to make sense of everything that has been said. Almost 300 posts have appeared, with many terrific insights, yet the fog persists. What's to make sense of? It's not rocket science.