Is an emotional affair as bad

[stradivarious]

as a physical one? Can it ever be ok, even when it doesn't seem wrong?

Iknowmyhead OMG are you me?

It can't end happily but when it is finally stopped it means you feel great and free.

Our marriage is relatively ok I would say and no there is no chance of us meeting up.

Head away from this one, AF. On last week's thread, I appealed for a "disingenuous" emoticon.....

ahhh

< penny drops >

FAB...might be you but you are further down the line. I look to you for strength!

Iknow - to echo Fab, you are me as well

I could have written your post.

I have male friends. They are male friends. They are not 'an emotional affair'. My relationship with them is open and honest and my DH could see, witness, join in any of our interactions without my feeling awkward or uncomfortable.

An emotional affair is different. It thrives upon secrecy and it is intimate in tone of not in act. If you cannot have every aspect of the relationship open to scrutiny without it potentially damaging your relationship then it is wrong.

I think the POV most pertient is the partner. If he is rational and reasonable and would still be hurt by this relatiopnship then you should consider that before you proceed any further.

I have always imagined that I would be more hurt by my DH having intimate personal conversations for a long period of time, which excluded me, than if he shagged someone and didn't see them again.

I am not going to slam anyone about what they choose to do. But I would suggest that you shouldn't mislabel or mimimise it if you want to work at your current relationship

If it doesn't seem wrong, then it isn't.

If it starts to feel wrong, if its diverting energy away from your real life, your relationship and your family, if you're losing perspective - then you may want to take a step back and try and evaluate the situation objectively about who and what is most important to you.

If you're realistic, its perfectly fine to be friends with 'exes and with people of the opposite sex. I think that those that don't think this are projecting their own fear and weaknesses about being able to control themselves in such a situation - but nothing is inevitable.

My life would be a lot less interesting if i wasn't 'allowed' to be friends with a lot of people who used to be significant in some way or another. And I cherish all of these old friendships for what they were and what they are now.

Good post Kiwi...

SleepingLion..hope things are okay for you now.

Kiwinyc

but if it is a friendship then there is no fear or weakness to be projected. I am friends with an ex. I would not, never have and never would decribe it as an emtional affair as it isn't one.
If the op posted 'is a friendship with an ex bad' then most people wopuld say no - surely?

Ah yes Kiwi, I have several male friends. All are known to DH and neither he nor I have any fear of me "losing control". But then, I don't have a secret SIM to contact any of them and their wives haven't expressly asked me to stop intruding on their marriages, unlike this OP.

o-ho

OP...do you deny this allegation ? < adjusts white wig >

OK bad choice of words, friend - not emotional affair, no I am not memorylane, haven't read that thread so cannot comment.

We have talked about the past and what went wrong, we have now moved on and just talk about everyday stuff.

I do not have a secret sim whenwillifeelnormal. Why are you casting doubt on me and accusing me of being somebody else. Thats not fair, or correcr for that matter.

Oh yes you are, but I'm checking out of this thread now and will let others make up their own minds by doing a search on memorylane and her posts.

You are being very unfriendly in my opinion.

stradivarious -I think the fact that you've used the term 'emotional affair' says it all really in that you obviously view it as something beyond a friendship.

Just because someone might have been significant in your past doesn't mean that you can't have a friendship now, but I think that its beyond that in this case.

Strad - do you feel a strong emotional attachment to this person? Do they occupy a lot of your headspace? Do you share more with them than with your partner?

Beware! It's a pernicious situation TBH.

My advice to you would be to cut all contact with this person and transfer the emotional energy - the chats etc, to your partner.

lowenergylightbulb - no, and no. He is not occupying my mind, other than when on the phone once a week. I feel no emotional bond whatsoever. Hes just interesting to talk to.

then your op is totally misleading.
Your op should be 'is it bad to have a friend' which clearly is nonsense.
you chose emotional affair and i have absoloutely no idea why you would reach for that phrase when talking about a mate/frind

Sorrri, silly me is not that good with english and the correct word/term to use. Why are some of you so patronising, accssing and rude.

What exactly is an emotional affair?

I just googled the definition and it would seem it is an intimate secret relationship without the physical bit. My relationship with friend is secret but NOT intimate

5....4....3...

I think if you read enough 'Relationship' threads on here some people would start to wonder if its ok to stay friends with exes or members of the opposite sex.

Because to at least half the respondees on here, its a sure thing and a slippery hellish slope to hurt, betrayal, illicit behaviour and infidelity. [Hmm]

The rest of us have some self control. ;)

Stradivarious: Did you label this thread with 'emotional affair' because you don't actually know what it is? Do you understand now?