how do you deal with a dh that sulks for days on end

[brook1]

Basically, we havent spoken for days. It (as usual) was over something quite trivial but he goes off in a sulk and completely shuts down and blanks me for days on end.

If I try to talk to him he brings the whole situation up and still insists that he was in the right. This happens quite regular, and we go through the same scenario each time ie, he blanks me for days on end and then after a few days when he's had enough he will just say to me "well are we gonna carry this on or are we gonna forget it all and be friends". Its so frustrating that he does this. And, it upsets me to be totally ignored, so much so that he will come in from work and not even say hello, he will walk past me in the house. He is fine with the DC.

Ive tried talking to him about it but he just says that I piss him off sometimes and thats how he deals with it. But, to be honest, more often than not, its him whose being unreasonable, he is very blinkered with everything.

He makes me feel so alone and fed up when he does this.

kick him into touch

Life's too damn short to live with a permanent toddler, I couldn't be doing with it, my MIL was a terrible sulker and everyone would tippytoe around her being extra nice, well stuff that for a game of soldiers.

They behave like that because they are allowed to, simple as that.

arabella, that was one of the saddest posts I have read on here for a while

you look after your dc, your dh looks after himself...who looks after you ?

well - I look after myself and dh looks after himself but we don't look after each other so he too is in a lonely boat but appears not to care focussing all his energy on the kids when he is at home - he is a workaholic and works extremely hard as well as having a debt he is working towards paying off so his life is not easy - but at the same time he is much more self-sufficient than I am. I have a handful of friends that is see, 2 or 3 of whom I can really talk to so in that sense I am able to share thoughts and feelings with them. It's not the same as being able to talk like that with a partner however.

Arabella, you must be quite sad to be in that situation. I can totally understand how you feel.

Just to update from me - he came in from work and was still sulking. I put the tv on for the dc and asked him to come upstairs out of the way so we could have a talk. This ended up in a row which then calmed down and I managed to tell him exactly how I felt/how he was making me feel.

I also told him that I couldnt live like this any longer and it wasnt fair on the dc. Lots of other things were said aswell. The end result being that he has apologised and has admitted that what he does is wrong and he is sorry for how he has made me feel. He has said he will do anything to stop us from splitting up and is willing to do whatever I think he should do, whether it be councelling, cbt, doctors.

He thinks that some of the reasons for his treatment of me are a result of tiredness due to the shifts he works, but he accepts that this is no justification and that it has to stop.

By the time we came back downstairs, the lovely children (who obviously knew something was going on) were still sat quietly on the sofa watching tv and were all starving. So, we have all just been out for a lovely meal and DH said he will try his best to change and wants me to help him and to point out to him when I see the sulking coming on so that he can try to stop it.

For the time being, we are not going to go down the route of councelling etc, we are going to try this alone, but if it doesnt work then at least I know he is willing to try it.

Thank you for your advice, I really hope this all works out for us now. He really isnt a bad person and I do want it to work.

good luck brook1 x

Yep, good luck with it. I would just suggest setting some sort of time limit on it so you can re-evaluate and see if he's really living up to his promises.

brook, that's great! Well done for biting the bullet and managing to talk it through with him. I hope that things improve for you both as a result of this chat

Brook, well done.

tis good that he appears to understand that his behaviour is his own responsibilty. Think that is a very good sign.

Dont' let him slip.

Please don't put up with it Brook. I lived with a legendary sulker.

He used it as a punishment tool regularly, it was frightening and vile. Weeks of fear and loneliness, only forced to a conclusion by me begging for days to know what I had 'done wrong' (usually a small, insignificant remark/look). Only after I'd admitted what a thoughtless, unkind, nasty bitch I was, and I'd got as low as possible would he deign to forgive me. He'd only be satisfied once I was reduced to a shivering, frightened, demoralised wreck. Then he'd be happy as pie, and expect me to be all sunshine and roses. My face would be swollen for days afterwards from the crying. It's funny that, because usually I wasn't 'allowed' to cry. I was a 'bad wife'.

As I pointed out, on my way out the door, who would want such a 'bad wife' anyway?

Depression, Libran, yeah yeah. Sulking is a choice, and some people choose it as a form of abuse, rather than growing up and sorting things out by, you know, discussing them like an adult. Is it really that hard to choose not to? Well I choose to run away as fast as I bloody well can from sulkers! Thank GOD for divorce.