I begged him to stay:(

[sweetexpectation]

I am hoping to get some insight in to this mess i am in.

A couple of days ago, 3 days ago to be specific, my H told me he doesnt know how he feels about our relationship any more.When i asked him why, he told me he feels that it wont last so he said life is too short so shoudnt be wasted.

He has said the following comments that are like blade through the heart:-

-I woudnt be married if i knew it would be like this(especially after we had our child)

-I dont want to work anymore as i dont see the point, all i earn goes to living expenses, and nothing to save

-I miss my family( he talks passinately
about his family but he doesnt seem to care about me and DC)

-I dont want to sleep with you incase you get pregnant and decide to keep the baby

He shows me no affection and its just been a couple of months since i give birth, and this is even making me more insecure.

But what hurt more was that when i told him i am devastated about my dying father who is suffering from cancer, he showed no support at all told me that he has lived his life to the fullest so shoudnt be worried about that.My dad is only 55 yeard old

He treatend to leave but i begged him to stay. I wasnt like this but being with him had made me so weak, i dont undersatnd myself any more.

Pls help me make sense.

Ignore him, my ex only behaved (especially when we split up ) when I became strong.

I used to beg him to talk to me, to go to relate and he was negative about it all. He had already made up his mind. But I put up with him being crap for months before he left. The second time I didn't trust him as much so I wasn't surprised when he didn't keep any of his promises and just went out all the time.

So I moved out and in with my best friend. But it was only until I refused to accept his crappy behaviour that he changed (only since last sept) and is now a rational person and father. I asked him why he behaved the way he did once and he said he was having an identity crisis...?? I believe that might be true but he is utterly selfish and that was the main reason.

All this made me feel strong in comparison...I can look after my son on my own going through hell with my dad and ex and be a good mum. You are doing this too.

You are still the person you were before you met this selfish man so try to remember what you did... When your babe goes to bed did you used to read ? Or have a hobby ? Do stuff...little things, like listen to music that you liked before you and your dh got to together and it will remind you that you are a seperate person. You are a mum first obviously and having a 5mth old is absorbing but seems to have a great routine !!(well done !) so you have time for yourself in the evening to do stuff.

I would ignore that miserable git and see what happens. Make sure that you don't ask him for anything and just get on with concentrating (or pretending to concentrate as its hard at first) on yourself and he will wonder whats up.

Its hard to do it alone do you have any friends close by (walking distance )?

It definitely helped me talking to a solicitor, they can really see your situation without emotion and describing your situation can make you face the reality.

Do you think he may leave ? or do you think he is sounding off about how unhappy he is about your lifestyle ?

prettywhiteguitar i think he wants to leave,he doesnt sound like someone who wants to stay but i think he is confused on how to go about it so he is framing me into deciding that.

He asked me also if we could send our child to his family who are abroad when he is over six month old , can you belive that as if that will ever happen.

I have some friends but i dont know if they will belive me as he acts the most loving husband/father on the planet.

wtf !! Maybe he feels that having his family involved would make things easier but what !

I would definitley tell your friends and just ask for advice, leave it up to them. And can you ask his mother for advice ? It helps to get things out into the open.

Definitley go to a solicitor, see how things stand. I think it will empower you

What a lot of sad stories on here

sweetexpectation, when I read your op it reminded me of the same things my h said to me over 2 yrs ago. In my case, it turned out there was an ow and he was trying to make me feel bad and end the marriage. That would have made him feel better.

In hindsight, I wish so much that I had the strength at the time to finish things because they have dragged on. If I had told him to f**k off he would have either have worked very hard to come back or just disappeared and I would have got on with my life.

You have had some fantastic advice on here and I agree with those that say let him go. Get on with your life. You may not believe me now but you will be happier. He doesn't deserve you and your dc.

Definitely go to CAB. They will tell you where there are solicitors that offer a free 30 min session. Get your head around what you are entitled to - http://www.entitledto.co.uk/Default.aspx?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1 This site might help.

Sorry! This site

Baby is still small.
Your dad is seriously ill.
You are knackered.

All things that are no one's fault.

Your H is being a dickhead.

All his own fault.

Let him go. Call his bluff. Pack his bag. If he goes, you would be better off on your own and can build a life for yourself and your child.

If he doesn't go then make it clear things have to change or it is over.

Sounds like he can't handle not being the centre of attention and ffs 55 is no age at all.

Fab 55 is too young and its not just about the age, its about how he is suffering and that he is my DAD,all i asked was atleast to give me a piece of mind so i can deal with the grief, as my dad has already stopped eating, it seems like he hasnt got much time left.

I feel sick thinking how he could have the courage to say that, i woudnt say anything like that even to my enemy.

I am in denial, that things have come to this

SSN Thank you so much. I will do that once i get around the thought of losing my dad, its all Surreal.

so, so sorry about your dad

It sounds like you husband is having some kind of breakdown.

Oh love, I'm so sorry for you being in this situation.

Totally agree with Stirling above. I know it's incredibly hard, and the timing couldn't be worse, but I really would get him to leave if you can. This won't get better on its own - he either needs to come to his senses and realise the impact of losing you, or you need to move on without him.

Please don't make the mistake that loads of us have made where you try and be the perfect wife to fix things - it really doesn't work.

Oh you poor thing, I am so sorry about your dad, that is a horrible situation for you to be in.

WRT your DH, although of course what he is saying and doing is hurting you, if he feels this way then he should leave, no one should stay in a relationship they are not happy in and he is not a bastard or wanker or prick for wanting to leave, although he could do it in a better more sensitive way.

Of course you are hurting and hating him for doing this, but please don';t do any more begging, let him go. You said he got physically violent in the past, so you are better off without him anyway.

Work out all the logistics of splitting up, the finances, maintainance, who moves out, who's name the house is in etc. focus on that stuff rather than getting emoptionally dragged down in your own sorrow.

Life iwll be better without a man who feels he is in hell living with you.

He does sound like he's having some sort of premature mid-life crisis, maybe brought on by the baby? Was baby planned? Was he enthusiastic during pregnancy?

If he thinks he has no money now, well he will have even less if you split up and he has to pay maintanance.

It does sound like you would be better off without him even though I'm sure it would be hard at first. You don't deserve to live with someone who doesn't love you.

"I am emotionally so drained, my headis about to explode.How do i go on with gaining my self confidence, apart talking to CAB, is there anything i can do, say when he acts the way he does, like not saying bad stuff just ignoring me to provoke argument, what do i do? "

sweet the first thing you need to do is not beg him to talk, or try to get him to talk, there is no point talking through things or asking why pr wanting him to tell you why. Only talk to him in a calm rational way about specific things, don;t bring your feelings or emotions into it, in effect pretend you are talking to a stranger, only communicate what is necessary.

Don;t be cold or distant or ignore him, just be aloof and unemotional. Even if you are breaking apart inside hold it together. He wants to leave, he will leave. Don't say hurtful stuff, don;t call him names or get cross or upset or argumentative, just imagine a knife has severed any ties you had to this man and see him as a stranger.

He will not give you the answers you need anyway, or the support you need, or make you feel better. You have to be strong. For yourself, for your child and for a happier future.

GD The baby is unplanned, but i dont think it would made much a differnce if it was in a couple of years, the thing is he so selfish.

I have noticed in the past he is self obsessed but i didnt think it would be to this degree.

I don';t think he's having a premature mid-life crisis.

When I was that age, with a young baby, I realised I didn't want to be married to my H, I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him, and didn't love him, I didn't think marriage would be that bad but it was awful and I decided life was too short to stay with someone I would rather not be with. So I left him. I wasn't having a mid life crisis.

I know we are trying to make the OP feel better, but really her H has every right to leave if he is not happy in the relationship.

And with his violent tendancies the OP is better off without him anyway.

If he is selfish and self-obsessed you are better off without him. Rejoice. Be happy. This could be the begining of a much happier life.

I think you are probablu all over the place at the moment, everything is getting on top of you I can imagine.

Your poor dad. Plus having to look after a new baby. I really do feel for you.

Look, please do not waste any more of your mental energy on him. This is heartbreaking and I do know, but believe me you need to conventrate on yourself, your baby, your dad and any otehr family member who loves you, not some twat who bangs on about Brangelina ffs and says your dad has had a good innings when on his deathbed at the age of 55.

Planning things is overwhelming. A good idea would be to plan things one at a time.

Say tomorrow ring the CAB to make an appointment.
Then after tell one person what is happening and ask for help.
After that have a look at entitledto.com to see what help you can get financially.

Etc etc. But, please do not try and get any sense out of him. He is not worth your time at the moment.

Overmydeadbody Its nice to hear your opinion, but this is marriage, you just dont get up and decide you dont love someone especially when your partner had a baby recently and have relative dying.I think ppls feeling might change due to lots of circumstance but i think one has to be sensible how to approach it.

Yes, but he's asking if the baby can be sent abroad to live with his parents in 6 months time. Implying that he will be fine and happy if baby not about.

Maybe "midlife" isn't the right term exactly but sounds like some sort of crisis where he can't cope with the responsibility for whatever reason.

But regardless of marriage if he doesn't love you he has every right to get up and decide to leave. He can still be a good father to his child.

I know you are hurintg but if he doesn't love you, why should he stay just because it is marriage? Everyone only has one life, they should make the most of it and not waste it with people they don;t want to spend the rest of their lives with.

Yeah sounds like he can't cope with the responsibility of fatherhood, probably because he is sooo young and married too fast and wasn't mature enough for the responsibility, not that he is having a crisis.

You shouldn't waste another minute with this childish imature man. Pleae.

Chuck him out and start living your life to the full.

I dont want him to live with me being unhappy, i am unhappy myself with how things are but if i was in his shoes i would have made an effort to make this easier for him, after all we have been together a long time, surely that should mean something.
He could have told me his feeling has changed and that he doesnt think we should be together, instead of making cruel comments , making me feel so little and worthless.