I begged him to stay:(

[sweetexpectation]

I am hoping to get some insight in to this mess i am in.

A couple of days ago, 3 days ago to be specific, my H told me he doesnt know how he feels about our relationship any more.When i asked him why, he told me he feels that it wont last so he said life is too short so shoudnt be wasted.

He has said the following comments that are like blade through the heart:-

-I woudnt be married if i knew it would be like this(especially after we had our child)

-I dont want to work anymore as i dont see the point, all i earn goes to living expenses, and nothing to save

-I miss my family( he talks passinately
about his family but he doesnt seem to care about me and DC)

-I dont want to sleep with you incase you get pregnant and decide to keep the baby

He shows me no affection and its just been a couple of months since i give birth, and this is even making me more insecure.

But what hurt more was that when i told him i am devastated about my dying father who is suffering from cancer, he showed no support at all told me that he has lived his life to the fullest so shoudnt be worried about that.My dad is only 55 yeard old

He treatend to leave but i begged him to stay. I wasnt like this but being with him had made me so weak, i dont undersatnd myself any more.

Pls help me make sense.

Well yes of course he could have sweet, but people don';t always behave the way one expects them to or the way one would like them to.

Yes he has gone about it the wrong way, and you may have gone about it differently, but as you said yourself he is self-absorbed, immature and young, you shouldn;t have expected any different tbh.

Try not to dwell on 'should haves' or tihnk too much about how he should have gone about it. That won't change anything, it will just make you more upset and cross and hurt.

I hear what's being said about everyone having the right to leave if they aren't in love, and of course they do.

However, in the OP's case, I think this is just being used as an excuse to cover selfishness, saying this gives some men carte blanche to up and leave a relationship without having to make any real attempt to sort issues out, and without any consequences as not being "in love" suddenly becomes a valid reason to up and leave your DW with a new baby..

I strongly believe that where dc's are involved, especially when the dc is only 2 months old, the OP's H does have some responsibility to try and work things through if at all possible. His behaviour is cruel and callous, and not being in love is no reason to ever treat the mother of your child with anything other than kindness and respect.

I hope you can find the strength to deal with this, sweet.

What did he mean about sending the baby to his relatives?

Not suggesting at all that you're condoning his attitude btw, overmydeadbody, I know you aren't!

calm He meant sending the baby away so he could grow up with family so then we could work and save for the future.I dont want to miss my child growing up so that is never going to happen.

wtf???
Pack his bags...

sweet - I'm guessing you are both from a culture where sending children away to live with family is accepted and normalised. However, I'm also assuming it's certainly not something you'd entertain? I hope those same cultural/faith issues are not getting in the way of you asserting yourself as a woman in her own right - if so, it might help for you to talk to a woman's adviser from your own cultural background. Please don't feel there's any shame in asking for help.

Whenwillifeelnormal Its not normal at all to send your own baby to your family, atleast its not to me, he only wants to do that not because its normal ,thats what is so strange, just want the easy way out as usual i guess.

Last night i ignored him completely, usually i would be nagging him to speak to me , and today i pretended to be asleep when he left to work, in a way it makes me feel a bit better as to not be rejected( i would normally ask him to tell me he loves me when he goes to work, i think i kind of force him to say it and i know deep down he is saying it because i asked in which results awful feeling)

HOnestly, get rid of this man. He is so selfish that he is potentially dangerous to the baby. A man who seriously regards his own baby as some sort of inconvenience that can be sent away is the sort of man who might well handle a crying baby a bit too roughly, because he can't see beyond his own immediate needs and wants.

It's not clear from your posts what the positive features of this bloke are and why you want to be with him. He sounds very immature for a bloke in his mid twenties. It sounds as though he had fatherhood thrust upon him which is never a good idea, but this often happens in relationships and you are married so he can't have been that surprised when you got pregnant.
It sounds as though he'll soon be out of your life. Sad he doesn't love and value his child, although men often bond better with their kids as they grow and become more responsive and have personalities.
If he's an aggressive bully you may be better without him.
I'd be getting angry with him for his immature attitude.

Stop asking him to tell you he loves you, you're right that's very clingy and needy. If my husband made me tell him I loved him every day it would me love and respect him less. Declarations of love if not spontaneous are worthless.

You have to make a choice
a) stay with him knowing he will not change and possibly get worse.
b)assess your finances, get help and ask him for a 'break'. He must leave the home, not you. If he begs to come back then decide if he really will make you happy. He should be 100% supportive and full of praise right now.

Remember leopards never change their spots.

It really does depend on what kind of man you are with as to how happy you are and therefore how happy your child is. You could choose to go it alone for now, and after the initial pain it might well feel like a breath of fresh air for you.

Hope you're feeling OK today sweet.

GOML- Today i am trying to regain my self confidence back, its not going to be easy but i have written down what i should do in order to make myself feel better. I am very NEEDY person, and this has been since few years i met him.

I read some where that:- The pattern of a manipulative person is often to always want greater material wealth and possessions They often take for granted social relationships and can never be satisfied with the success personally or professionally that they have acquired.

I know nothing is good enough for him, not me nor his son, so i am going to try to concentrate on myself and my son for now.

Thank you everyone for your advice, it has some how motivated me to see things for what they are and not for what i want them to be.

Good luck sweet. It won't be easy at all but my god it will make you a strong person. Just make small steps, nobody is expecting you to be superwoman. And if he starts getting physical again DO NOT put up with it.

I hope there is someone you can speak to in RL - obv your family is quite difficult as your dad is so ill, have you a friend you can offload to? Don't make the mistake of thinking that everyone expects you to have this rosy coloured life. If you open up to someone for a bit of support you will probably be surprised at the kindness you will get. Nobody will expect you to do this on your own.

Hey glad to see you've messaged today, you are clearly a strong woman and you have made the right choice putting yourself and your son first.

Well done, its not an easy path but it seems that life is full of things to challenge us. I really understand the denial thing I did it myself.

Hope things pick up and you continue to feel strong.

If you can't talk to people in RL (I really think it helps) at least you have us on here !!

Hi All,
I took your advice and stopped begging him and try to accept that maybe this is the end.

The last couple of days he was alright, stopped being nasty but stayed emotionally distance and in the mean time i looked into my options if things go wrong.

He is happy how things are , he goes to work, comes home shuts himself and thats it. Yesterday i asked him what he thinks will happen, he said to me the way things are he doesnt see any future with me, but doesnt want rush to make a descion, and that until he makes up his mind things will stay this way

What i want you all to help me with is that, shall i wait for him to say its over( I am starting to accept separation is inevitable) or shall i ask him to leave now as its consuming so much of my energy.
Thanks.x

Right don't wait as it will eat away at you, he is making no effort to make it work between you so you need to decide financially what is best for you to do.

Is it better to stay in the house where you are bearing in mind you will get housing benefit if you are renting ? Can you bear still living there without out him, it may be better to get a fresh start somewhere else.

Is there a friend you can share a house with ? I currently share a house with a platonic friend, he is working and I am on benefits.

Can you stay with friends or family ?

You can only start feeling better and the healing process once this man is not living with you.

pretty I have two options i can stay at my sister for a bit but not for long as she is living in student accomidation.

The 2nd option is i have best friend who lives outside london( who ones had a feeling for me but now happly married), i guess i can stay at their place for a while as well, or rent accomidation but i wont be able to afford it in london.

I spoke to solicitor, i was adviced to try mediation but he clearly doesnt want he just wants to fuck with my mind.

Devorce will be a no no as i cant afford to spend the saving we have on this when i dont have work and have a baby to take care of.Will be happy to settle with legal separation though if this is the way he wants it.

The thing is that when i adviced him for me to go for a while if it helps he said no, he doesnt want me to go.

I'd say go and stay with your best friend and try to get some support from them for a while.

Mediation will come later, at the moment really nothing has happen other than he is saying hes not happy and will leave in the future.

It is messing with your mind and would do with anyones !!

You can sort stuff out about renting later. you need support now. When I was staying with my friends for a while I met a friend through them to rent with, so its not out of the realms of possibilty for you.

Just get out of the situation and get some perspective.

This will do the same I'm sure for your husband. Try not to let his mixed messages confuse you.