help me carry on with hyper critical husband

[stuckwithit]

I've got 3 children and am feeling pretty desperate. Husband is very negative to me. Not physically abusive but he gives me a steady stream of verbal aggression for relatively minor misdiminers (spelling?).

It's been like this for years now, and especially since our second child.

I can't do right, often no matter how hard I try to keep the peace. ofcourse sometimes I fly off the handle when I can't take any more- I'm not perfect but I know he is our of order.

His behaviour could be classsed as verbal/emotional abuse but I'm still determined to save the marriage. I beleive he is a good man underneath and he is a good dad but he is pessimistic,critical and importantly, depressed. He does not except that as to him it's all my fault.

Any one been there/ i know that most people who are open to discuss this have been brave enough to leave their relationship, but really i could do with support on how to keep it together.

Hi, stuckwithit. Well done for having the intelligence to look around for more info & guidance. I know just how difficult it can seem to get any sort of perspective (other than your partner's) on your kind of situation. Don't worry, help is available when you start asking

I find this website supportive in a non-hysterical way: www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/

THanks. Will look.
x

I saw this recommended on another thread

there are some proper scary things on there, but it seems very informative and interesting

you may recognise a few of your DH's characteristics on there (but not too many, I hope )

THanks AF, looking

Haven't managed to read all the most recent posts, but have kept an eye on this thread for a while. You're all posting too fast!

Maybe this thread will help. It was pivotal to me leaving last summer.

I spent years trying to get my ex to change, changed myself a lot, took all the responsibility and blame. Leaving was the best thing I did, for me and DD. I have heard every excuse in the book as to why he didn't treat me in a reasonable way (I was no longer looking for being treated well). Also, agree that couples counselling is the wrong way to go.

Thanks Queen, am reading

i left a man like that. best thing i ever did.

he is sapping the life out of you. think about why you want to stay with him.

unfortunately i think that the npd thread has dropped off the board??

what does npd mean?

Narcissistic personality disorder:
Wikipedia
Out of the FOG

From my vast experience of relationships I have learned to spot any telltale signs of verbal/mental abuse pretty quickly. I have a friend who although I do have very strong feelings for he will quickly descend into hypercritical nagging and gobby comments out of the blue. You never know how long he will stay nice and when he will turn.

I have learned to stay away and see these traits as a red flag.

You are best off out of it despite the number of children as there is no way forward unless he possibly seeks counselling/accepts he must change. These types rarely do.

Again with the Zombie thread!

How do you even find these threads?

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE**

Why does it matter so much if it is a zombie thread?

Because it's highly likely that things have changed in the last seven years!

Dittany was lovely.

I wonder if the op is still with her arsehole husband

And yes, dittany is sadly missed

I have read the whole thread and just realised how old it is.

No matter, it will be useful to some. I would dearly love to know how the OP is, perhaps she is still here under a different nn.

I have read it too and came across one of my own posts .