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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

is he talking complete bollock??

85 replies

DONTtouchMUMSfestiveJUICE · 11/01/2010 20:14

friend is in a relationship.

seing the bloke for over 6 months. not surely exactly how long. cant remember.

while jumping in shower he decides to tell her he was previously married.. got divorced.. and divorced his kids so he has no responsibility to them.

says its none of her business and would never affect their future.

am i right when i'm telling her there is no way he can "divorce" his dc... and that the exw could claim maintenance in future if she wished?

and also the kids could come looking for him?

he says aparently neither could ever happen.

but refuses to give her any details at all. she doesn't even know proper ages, if they are born seperate or twins?

he says they were forced upon him makes her wonder if it was twins that came about by accident.

i'm saying he was married to exw.. they were probably planned for and then he abandonned them.

he says he's "changed" and no longer that person and if they were to be serious he wouldn't do the same as he did to exw... yet refuses to go see them and get access? surely if you were a different person and turned over a new life you would go try get access.

i'm also worried he has mental disorders.. there is the possibility he has restraining order of some sort... and not as he says "divorced".

anyone shed some light on this.

can you "divorce" your kids? she says he's adament.

OP posts:

IckleJess · 11/01/2010 20:17

Tbh, regardless of whether you can or can't, I certainly wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a man who actually wanted to divorce his children.

I would start running now if I were your friend...

Original poster

DONTtouchMUMSfestiveJUICE · 11/01/2010 20:19

yup.. i agree. anyone who does this is not someone to be in relationship with.

OP posts:

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 11/01/2010 20:20

I would run very fast too.

Lulumama · 11/01/2010 20:21

you cannot , as a rule, divorce your kids, legally, he may feel he has, but i doubt he has in law

and i would be very afraid of the level of commotment and love a man like that could offer me and any children i had/ would like to have,if he can cut himself off so completely from his old existence and responsibilities

it is her business and should affect their future together, i.e she should run for the hils !

yo can't have children forced upon you, from that i would take it to mean, they had unprotected sex and she got pregnant and he could not be arsed.

and with the possiblility of a restraining order am wondering what possible good qualities he has?

the fact he told her so nonchalantly whilst getting in the shower also rings warning bells

i would be ditching him pronto

AnyFucker · 11/01/2010 20:21

I would run a mile from this bloke

he is lying, deluded, completely heartless or seriously narcissistic

and a twat

any of which is a dumpable offence

BitOfFun · 11/01/2010 20:29

How lovely. A real keeper, then.

Original poster

DONTtouchMUMSfestiveJUICE · 11/01/2010 20:30

his line is that when he got a divorce he signed an agreement releasing himself from all financial responsibility and commitment from the dc.

is there something like signing over parental responsibility to another guardian or allowing someone to adopt them allow this?

OP posts:

SerendipitousHarlot · 11/01/2010 20:36

What IckleJess said.

What a cunt.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 11/01/2010 20:43

The fact that you're asking us suggests that your friend also believes this to be true and is protesting his innocence to you. That's bad news if your friend is that deluded.

I think that technically, if he signs over parental rights to an adopter, he ceases to have legal or financial responsibility, but that's hardly the point is it? Who would want to be with a man who can give up his children like this and to boot, take no responsibility for their conception?

In your friend's shoes, I'd be on the phone to the ExW sharpish....on second thoughts though, I probably wouldn't even bother - and dump him.

Janos · 11/01/2010 20:45

I read as far as the bit where this bloke said he has divorved his kids. Great big stonking red flag right there

Legally speaking he can't do this but wonder if he's such a nasty piece of work his ex wouldn't pursue things, just for an easier life? There might be an informal agreement but that wouldn't stand up in law.

Either way he sounds like someone to be avoided.

Hope your friend gets shot PDQ Juicy.

Janos · 11/01/2010 20:47

Actually, neither would I put it past a man like that to come out with any old bullshit line.

Nasty, nasty piece of work. Glad you are looking out for your mate. I have a feeling she will need your support sooner rather than later!

AnyFucker · 11/01/2010 20:48

he probably has a stonking great injunction against him preventing contact with his exW and the kids

to explain away the fact he never sees 'em he is making up this cock'n'bull story

OP, this isn't really you, not your "friend" in this situation, is it ?

RoyaltyIsMyOnlyDelusion · 11/01/2010 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BelleDameSansMerci · 11/01/2010 20:48

Bloody hell! Just the sort of conversation you expect as someone nips into the shower.

Out-fucking-rageous.

I don't think I'd have been there when he got out of the shower.

Original poster

DONTtouchMUMSfestiveJUICE · 11/01/2010 20:51

i showed her the stuff about red flags about 3 weeks into the relationship. ... but she stayed with him

he's very good at convincing her his wrong doing is her fault.

he's turning this round on her saying she's weird to be asking about his past.

aparently past is nothing to do with who he is today

trying my utmost to convince her she's perfectly normal to be asking him about his exw.

gonna show her this thread. so if anyone wants to agree with me that it is definately important that she knows the details of this matter if she wants to stay with him then that would be great. if you disagree feel free to post too.

OP posts:

Original poster

DONTtouchMUMSfestiveJUICE · 11/01/2010 20:53

janos

no.. not me.

i'd have left at the point where she woke up to find he'd put a big snake on her when she was sleeping to "see what she would do".. when they'd only been dating a few weeks.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 11/01/2010 20:55

yuk

Original poster

DONTtouchMUMSfestiveJUICE · 11/01/2010 20:56

thought about getting her to contact the exw

1)no idea how to get hold of her
2)if she has got a restraining order against him.. it's not fair to drag this woman back to dealing with someone she's tried hard to get away from
3)why bother the effort.. he's not worth it

OP posts:

BelleDameSansMerci · 11/01/2010 20:58

I can't see any reason why she would stay with him. He is already behaving in a weird and controlling way - that's not actually likely to improve the longer they're together.

Not good. In classic understatement.

LurcioLovesFrankie · 11/01/2010 21:00

No disagreement here - in the words of the immortal pythons, "run away, run away". Or, as my cousin said of my ex (and unlamented) BIL, "he must have a big one 'cos I can't see what the fuck else she'd see in him". In this case, sounds like he is a big one.

ninah · 11/01/2010 21:01

Even if - and it's a big if - he has been able to sign some kind of agreement to avoid supporting his dc, and they have been adopted, say - of course they may want to find him some day. He should have been more upfront with your friend in the first place and he knows it. She is not getting the full story which suggests he knows he is in the wrong. If I were your friend I would certainly be using full proof contraception with this man. Couple of bricks, for example

LadyintheRadiator · 11/01/2010 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

DONTtouchMUMSfestiveJUICE · 11/01/2010 21:03

lurcio - she'll like that one.. she's a monty python fan!!
and thats a tag line we used to use when we younger when finishing with a bloke. "run away run way"

OP posts:

Janos · 11/01/2010 21:08

AF, this is definitely not someone hiding behind an "oh, this is my mate but um later I admit it's really me" story

Is your friend really set on this bloke? It's good she's come to you for advice - I'd guess this is bothering her and that's why she's spoken to you?

Janos · 11/01/2010 21:09

at Monty Python.

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