Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

should i tell mom?

34 replies

stitch · 27/06/2005 11:52

just had a moan on the phone to mom about dh. she says that part of the problem is my attitude, and i need to soften it towards him. but i havent told her the full extent of how nasty he has been to me. do i justify my behaviour and have her very upset and negative towards dh, or do i just let her assume it is all my fault?
i have no intention of leaving him. so is it better to let mom have a negative opinion of me, or of him?

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 27/06/2005 11:52

Neither. Stop bitching to her. If he's that nasty to you, leave him. Otherwise it's just childish "who do you like best mum" stuff.

WigWamBam · 27/06/2005 11:53

Tell her the truth, she can't form a valid opinion either way otherwise.

mogwai · 27/06/2005 11:53

I'd say it's better that she doesn't worry about you, stitch, so better she doesn't know the whole truth, unless things are really bad and you need her help

Others may disagree

Original poster
stitch · 27/06/2005 11:53

also, i have always felt that money doesnt matter. whats important is generosity of heart.
but the only things i get from dh are money related. eg house car etc. so can someone please tell me that money does matter, and that it is enough to live life on?

OP posts:
mogwai · 27/06/2005 11:54

as they clearly are doing

hunkermunker · 27/06/2005 11:54

Why do you have no intention of leaving him if he's that nasty to you?

Pruni · 27/06/2005 11:54

Message withdrawn

mogwai · 27/06/2005 11:55

well you know the answer to that one

Original poster
stitch · 27/06/2005 11:55

yes, you are right. stop bitching.
must be stronger. ive made my bed, now must learn to lie in it with grace.

OP posts:
mogwai · 27/06/2005 11:55

crossed threads, was replying to stitch

Pruni · 27/06/2005 11:56

Message withdrawn

Original poster
stitch · 27/06/2005 11:57

reasons for staying.
he provides financially. is not a bad dad. i have no desire to face the problems i see single moms facing. have no desire to deal with the step parenting issue. dont want to put my parents through the worry of a divorce.
and nowhere to go really. well, nowhere i want to go. he's nasty to me, but am such an idiot that i still love him to bits.

OP posts:
Pruni · 27/06/2005 11:58

Message withdrawn

NomDePlume · 27/06/2005 11:58

i'm with hunker here, stitch. If you are worried about the light in which your 'moans' to Mum show your relationship, then the simple answer is to stop talking to Mum about the negative aspects of your relationship.

Original poster
stitch · 27/06/2005 11:59

no pruni, because he doesnt want to make it better. he thinks its all my fault, when he does make the time to think about it that is.
at the moment he is doing three full time jobs, and one part time. and he is also looking into buying a restaurant. i am not evenon his list of priorities.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 27/06/2005 11:59

Take a lover then.

Original poster
stitch · 27/06/2005 12:01

thankyou all. you have really helped calm me down.
but if i cant moan to mom, can i please continure to moan to you guys?

ndp, i know we had a disagreement on another thread, but thank you for supporting me here. i really appreciate it

OP posts:
Lizzylou · 27/06/2005 12:01

Have you asked him why he is so nasty to you? Does he know you feel so low about things?
Is there anyone else you can talk to apart from your Mom?
I know my Mom still brings up things my friends did/said that were mean to me 20 years on, so she may not be best person to talk to.....!!!

NomDePlume · 27/06/2005 12:01

However, if you do feel that your relationship is heavily one-sided with regards to 'nastiness' then I think you need to sit down and think about things. Staying in a relationship which is abusive and makes you unhappy more often than it makes you happy just because you don't like the thought of the the alternative is unfair on both of you.

Pruni · 27/06/2005 12:02

Message withdrawn

Original poster
stitch · 27/06/2005 12:02

where would i meet a lover?
school run?
must go and do that now, as car in for mot and must therefor e walk to school and is a 25 minute walk!

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 27/06/2005 12:02

(stich - the other disagreement stays on the other thread. Hate things like that being dragged out into the daylight everytimes MNers paths cross. No need.)

Original poster
stitch · 27/06/2005 12:03

thats one of the things mom said pruni.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 27/06/2005 12:03

Are you unhappy?

Will your children pick up on that?

Would it be easier to be unhappy away from him (as a single mum)?

He sounds like he'd continue to provide and wouldn't really notice whether you were there or not - is that a fair summation?

And you'd be free to get on with your life - including taking a lover

Would he go to counselling? Have you spoken to him about it and said you might leave?

Original poster
stitch · 27/06/2005 12:04

ndp, thats why i isaid thankyou. coz i appreciate maturity like that. even though i am an immature git when it comes to dh

OP posts: