She wants me to go with her.........

[HuddersfieldHottie]

My mum has a guy on the internet she chats to from the former Yugoslavia - Albania. They are totally obsessed with each other and it really gets to me sometimes that she puts him before her own daughter, and is also risking my safety because she's trying to get a visa for him to come stay in our house for 6 months!

She is going to his homeland in Sept to meet this bloke and is constantly mithering me to go too. She is almost worn me down, but it is a stupid idea? I think its insane. I have 2 dogs that I would need to be put in care of a relative while we would be gone and this same relative would be lied to about where we had gone because she'd have a canary if she knew the truth. Would u go or stay put?

i wouldn't go

btw have you had a few names recently?

i wouldnt.

Thanks for your replies.

Lou - yes I have. I feel ashamed all the problems and advice I keep asking for, like I can't sort it myself.

Not on your nelly

It is great - Mumsnet for helping sort your problems isn't it? It's brill being able to ask the advice of you all and having weights lifted of my shoulders.

Hi,

You are right to be cautious. What's in it for him in particular?. If he comes here, what is he going to do all day long?.

Think your Mum is setting herself up for a life of untold misery if she and this man do get together.

What exactly does she know about this man?. He may well be telling her what she wants to read. What does she know about his actual day to day existance?.

Hi, If he comes over here if his visa is granted he will be home with me all day. You're right about what does my mum know about him, because all that he is telling her could be a complete and utter lie. He says he loves her and has masturbated on webcam to her and taken pics of himself doing this and i'm so ashamed, but there were pics of my mum with her finger up her flu and her tits out of he nightdress, obv had been sent to him. I was very upset but my mum basically told me to get over it and he knew of my upset and told me personally that it would never happen again, but then one day I saw a conversation on the pc because my mum had gone downstairs to make a cuppa, and it said 'sorry no pussy tonght - that time of the month' so its obv they still do it. Sorry, probably more than you all need to know but its better out than in.

Don't go.

Personally think you may be in danger if he's at home all day with you. Sorry if this is OTT.

oh, and she said, when we go, he has said we can stay in his house with him rather than a hotel, and shes pressurising me to lose weight because I think she may be ashamed that I will look fat if we go see him. The reason I am worried about her going is because she will have to get off a coach in London and get Stanstead airport. We live just 8 miles away from Manchester, yet she wont even contemplate going to the city centre alone, and hasnt done in her 45 years of being alive, whereas I go every day!

In that case, she may miss her flight

again don't go is my advice, your mum is a grown woman, let her deal with it herself.

also, don't worry about asking advice on your problems, you don't need to keep changing your name. In fact you will probably get mote replies if you stick to one name, so we can get to "know" you!

I just can't imagine MY mother ever behaving like yours. Urghhhhh.

No, this is a silly situation, but FGS don't let her go on her own.!!!

Right this is my permanent name! No more changing now! How am I supposed to stop her going, Easy? I have tried all tactics - tried talking rationally and calm to her telling her all the dangers, I have tried shouting at her, but nothing works. All she wants is to go. She has started buying clothes for the visit too. If I try and talk to her about it (calmly - she tells me to get out of the house) and sometimes I even get hit by her, (and I am 21 yrs old!)

Possibly, if you don't agree to go, your mum won't go either.

I would be seriously worried about either of you going to meet someone in this way, for the first time. You know nothing about him and I, for one, think it's utter madness.

If you do go, make sure you stay in a reasonable hotel and meet him for the first time in a public place blah blah blah.
All the usual safety stuff. Don't forget it just because your mum thinks she 'knows' this man.

oh and she texts him 'I can't wait for your dck to be in my p*y' Sorry it's so graphic.

Excuse my cynicism but these posts are rather graphic for a new poster, or any poster, surely? Why not just say they exchange pornographic texts?

If you dont want to go then dont, but you cant control her life for her. If she wants to meet this man then fine - shes an adult and its her decision to go. No one can force you to do anything you dont want to do. Move out if your not happy, speak to some one from the council.

and what ever pictures or messages she sends to her 'friend' are private. None of your buisness.

she will go alone without a doubt. The is no stopping her, and I am not going because I have 2 lovely DD's (Darling dogs - not daughters!) and I'm not having someone coming in for half an hour a day to feed them. They need my love, so I'm definately not going. All this worrying about my mum has caused so much stress. I try and go and tell my auntie but she wont listen or she goes to talk to my mum and then when she is gone, I get an earful. It's really made me upset that I've attempted suicide several times. Luckily, they didnt work and was just a cry for help for someone to talk to my mum but no one helped, and my mum refuses to take responsibility when I tell her its her thats made me consider suicide.

ok sorry - they exchange pornographic texts

were you recently named after a country?

better?

I think you need to move out.

or nearly - with an L in it?

were I named after a country?

No I WASNT hUGGy