messsage on facebook saying my husband having affair

[shocked1111111]

Have named changed for obvious reasons, if anyone recognises me because of my posting style, please do not out me I am in total shock.
I log on occasionally to facebook, and did so casually tonight.
There was a message in my inbox left yesterday from someone I don't know, saying his wife has been having an affair with my husband for some time.
I assumed he must have got wrong person, but I recognised wife's first name as someone at my husband's sports club who I have suspected fancied him. She split up with her husband this summer and I joked with DH that she would get her claws into him next.
DH amd I have not been getting on well for ages, and I have often thought we would split up when the children are grown up - just wasn't expecting it so soon.
So has come as a shock, but I suppose not a surprise.
Am hurt that a complete stranger ( the husband I mesn) can just post soemthing shocking like that to a complete stranger. As it is I have to drive tonight to collect DS from cubs, and am shaking like crazy.

Sorry this is rambling - can't think who to talk to about it, as all my friends know Dh, and are mostly parents of our children's friends.
Have deleted that man's message - do not want to phone the number he left to hear his 'proof' why would I???Left a message for DH to call me. He has not called me back and I wonder if D (the 'other woman') has been told by her husband and she has told DH to be prepared?

What do I say to DH when he gets home or calls me back?

Goodness you poor thing. I'm struck by the way your post reads, it sounds like you think it's true. You need to sit down and talk to dh.

How do you feel about it? You say you thought you might split when the dc's grow up, did you really or was it a jokey thing?

That sounds awful for you.

You don't seem to be considering the idea that it may not be true?

Poor you.
WHere is dh?

Oh poor you.

I suspect that the stupid man was getting his own back on his wife by telling you- he hasn't thought of you at all.

It might not be true- he might just suspect. It could all be a very nasty, but sad scam.

Try to stay calm and talk to your DH when you see him later. I'd just be totally honest and confront him.

has there been supicious behaviour?

If he rebuffs it by attacking you; he is as guilty as sin

I think you should speak to DH asap - but face to face. then call the man if needed.

hope your ok xx

Do you think he is? Not just because of this message, because frankly just because the husband says it's happening doesn't mean it is, but generally.

I'd tell him about it, but try to do it in as calm a way as possible - not accusing, just factual. See what he says. See how he reacts. If he denies it then you have to decide whether you trust him to be telling you the truth. Not getting on isn't the same as cheating.

I'm sorry you've been put in this position though FWIW my Dad did this to my Mum a few times, made random accusations to her friends that Mum was sleeping with their husbands. She wasn't, he was just a manipulative twunt, but it made life difficult for her.

Oh that is so mean o this other man, he seems to be hurt and is lashing out and in doing so hurting you (yes I know its your dh that may be having the affair) but there is no need to be so ruthless in telling someone

Stay calm if you can, and think about what you want next, do you want to stay with dh or call things quits?

Either way will be hard, but you need to think in your own mind what you want before you confront dh

What a nasty thing to do.

but hten id rather know tbh
my sisters h's bint H rang her once thenhung up
he got back in touch as divorce was going through - was very helpful as to where she is stashing her £££

Oh dear how horrid

I'm so sorry this has happened. It's so upsetting to be told like that.

I hope you manage to find some calmness in yourself tonight, it will be difficult, I know.

Thinking of you.

Why are you all slagging off this poor man - his W has cheated on him, he is no doubt hurting, if I was OP I would want to know - I say good on him for having the guts to let her know!

If its at a sports club I bet any number of people know whats going on, when I found out about XH affair I was mortified by how many people knew and covered for him!!

This man hasnt done any wrong, the wongdoers in this are the OP's H, and this mans W!!

You poor thing.

One morning I opened our PC and some girl had left a message at 3.30am (!) for DH saying Thanks hon, sleep well xxxxx.

I went utterly ballistic and I very nearly threw him out even though he swears he did nothing apart from having a conversation with her about marriage (ours and hers)

Anyway, I know exactly what you mean when you say about the sick feeling and the shaking. We also now have open emails and the FB account is on one password we both know.

I would contact this man. If your DH is doing something don't you want to know?

When I found out my exh was having an affair (finally found a note in his glove compartment from her) I was desperate to tell the husband - fuck knows why; think I wanted to wreck her 'happy home' as she and my exh had torn apart mine.

Not nice but I understand why he left a message.

What are you going to do? Do you have friends or a supportive family, assuming he has the right end of the stick?

That is awful. You poor thing. No wonder you are shaking. In your shoes though I would retrieve the deleted email and call the man to try to find out what he knows/suspects. This info could be useful to know in advance of tackling dh. Particularly if you suspect he is guilty as charged.

I would rather know too.

Why would he email you like this if it wasn't true? He could be getting revenge on his wife by doing this, but he'd have to be a flipping psychopath to do it this way.

I know you are shocked and it is horrible (all my sympathies) but I would actually want to know more from this man, more details that would convince me he was telling the truth, before confronting my h.

What a horrible shocking nasty situation.

Macdoodle - well said. I spoke to Xh's OW's H when he left and it was mutually beeficial rearding finances and finding out the truth etc etc - they ad both told so many lies and caused so much hurt and upset. Chattermouase is right, you should maybe try to call this guy and find out what proof - then you have information to back up whatever you say to DH. If he is cheating you need to know now so you can start deciding what you want to do from now on. You take care and keep us posted. Lots f people thinking of you!

Thank you. Eventually DH called me back. I was quite calm and aked him to f=go inot a private office to call me back ( he was at work)
Told him this person had contacted me and asked if he knew who he was.
He sadi, yes, he is a nasty manipulative person. S I said - he says his wife is having an afair with you - is she? He said we'll talk abou ti when I get home! SO I said NO I wan to know know, it seasier for me talking on the phone, can't you at aleast do wat is easier for me than you?
So he admitted they had slept togehter a few times at her flat.
So - all those times I joked about him fancying her and wondered, the bastard was sleeping with her.
So I said aht nextr - he said he wants to stay marreid to me butwe haven't been getting on he has tried to talk to me about it. Yes, I have avoided conversations about the relationship because it usually is him telling me evertyingh that is wrong woth me.
So we said we would talk about it when he got home. So I sat in the car park at DS cubs crying. DS asked me hy my eyes were red and I said I hd dust in my contact lense.
Cib mistress came out and sadi one o fth eboys sadi I looked as if I was crying, and I burst inot tears and told her - how stupid is that. (DS has goen in by then)
Now home and he has got home and is putting DC to bed. I ma dreading this conversation.
By the way, she is very thin.
I askled him not to tell her the husband had contacted me, I don't want ther to know I know. But I suppose he will.

Obviously I will say I want him to end it. But if he says it my fault for not loveing him enought, am I supposed to jump thru hoops to prove I do?
Need;ess to day he does not have red eyes.
Thanks for listening - without mumsnet I would go crazy

oh mate

POOR POOR YOU
mate who went through this said make sure you make enough time to be REALLy cross NOW with him ( if oyu plan to stay tog) as you will want to be cross for ages, but a year donw the line if you are astill ranting you will look mAD
so get mad!

Oh no. Thinking of you .

oh shocked I am so sorry

do you have friends you can call on for help?

What a shitbag

Farking Hell
You poor poor thing.
Get mad, as Dandruff says, get it all out.