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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

poorly person or hypochondriac? you decide

169 replies

orangelampshade · 23/11/2009 17:32

Been seeing this man for four months. It's begun to strike me that he very regularly has an ailment. A sympathy-generating ailment. Or am I being harsh? Is he genuinely unlucky in the health department?

For instance: he has sinus problems, then asthma. Fair enough, I can see that he has this.

Two weekends ago, he was awake in the night with back ache and had to wake me up to say he was going to get himeslf 'some warm milk to help him feel better' hmmmm. Why wake me up at 2am to tell me this?

This weekend he's had a numb big toe, then a numb foot and lower leg (I think it's because he strained it while taking some exercise)he thinks it's something more sinister and it's been the main topic of conversation.

He's also had a 'nasty splinter'

a headache

and last night, he had a bad dream, then three long and troubled incidents of feeling queasy, which involved lights on, noise and waking me up at 4am onwards.

I feel I am loosing sympathy. At first, I would be concerned, now I'm

Am I being unfair?
Am I being too tolerant?

Opinions please!

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 24/11/2009 20:56

Warm milk!!! I'd bin him for that alone.

orangelampshade · 24/11/2009 20:57

Thing is - I'm definitely in the 'don't suffer fools gladly' camp. Normally when someone or something is getting on my tits, I'll expres it. Particularly as I've had more than my fair share of nutters for boyfriends

With bitty-boy - something just stopped me. I can't fathom it out. God knows what happened.

Hopefully just a temporary glitch

OP posts:
letsblowthistacostand · 24/11/2009 21:02

Oh, you probably just thought he needed a little looking after, which in the normal way would be fine, but when they don't look after you back...

Sounds like the long-lost brother of an evil ex of mine actually. All kinds of little warning signs, little weirdnesses etc that I just didn't pick up on at the time. Always needing to be looked after. Turned out to be a real jerk, by the time he was finished with me I didn't know whether I was coming or going! The sad thing is HE binned ME in the end, at least you've sussed him out early!

nickytwotimes · 24/11/2009 21:04

Yep, you just wanted to see the best in the guy. Not a bad thing at all. At least you were able to see the truth too!

orangelampshade · 24/11/2009 21:06

That sounds spot on letsblow - I think I did like a bit of looking after of him, cooking and what not, but I firmly draw the line at warm milk. Yes siree - that's where I reach my limit.

Also spot on with how it's no fun if they don't look after you back

Also also - thank you everyone your spookily accuarate advice here

OP posts:
PerArduaAdNauseum · 24/11/2009 21:08

Thank you for your splendidly funny threads

orangelampshade · 24/11/2009 21:09

Nicky - it's a skill that comes of years of dating nutters. A few years ago, I wouldn't have spotted bitty's weirdness - however, my radar is well tuned in now, so oddness gets spotted sooner rather than later. Ah well.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/11/2009 21:48

orange, bring your next bf along to the MN judging table

we will help you spot the fuckwits

Jux · 24/11/2009 21:49

You are going to dine out on this one for years! Sorry he wasn't the man of your dreams, but at least you got rid of him quick, before the real one comes along.

cocolepew · 24/11/2009 21:53

[taps nose] see? listen to your Auntie coco.

PercyPigPie · 25/11/2009 16:20

Please tell us some more about him .

At least it was 'golly' and not 'mummy' on orgasm!

orangelampshade · 01/12/2009 19:03

An update here, oh lordy:

I accompanied him to a (his) work's do last Saturday - he was very quiet, not only because he 'had a cold coming on' but also, because - as he pointed out to me at about 11pm - because:

"Everyone here hates me"

(darn you in Chat for making me update, you too mudandmayhem!)

Over to you!

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 01/12/2009 19:04

I thought you'd dumped him?

orangelampshade · 01/12/2009 19:07

I hang my head in shame

By the way, I left (in the rain, with suede shoes on) and went home after that.

OP posts:
MollieO · 01/12/2009 19:25

Mmm. So what next? Are you seeing him again? Why does everyone at his work hate him - they can't all be such a good judge of character, can they?

AnyFucker · 01/12/2009 19:31

orange, you are a troll

stop pulling our plonkers you nawty girl

orangelampshade · 01/12/2009 19:55

If there was some way of proving I am not a troll, I will gladly do it!

Seriously, I am not making any of this up - this is the life I am living. Was living, ahem.

I only posted as an update was requested. I was too ashamed to admit that I had agreed to go with him to his work do as I knew I'd get a right old lambasting here.

Be warned Mnetters, I am setting the man free into the general populace to find a new lady to look after him...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/12/2009 20:00

yeah yeah

orangelampshade · 01/12/2009 20:04

AF - sadly, I will not be around for when he has his flu jab now, it's apparantly much needed, because, as he expressly told me: if he get flu, it WILL kill him.

OP posts:
orangelampshade · 01/12/2009 20:25

(just to clarify: not a troll and yes, it is over. I no longer have any feelings for him and am just left perplexed as to how I took leave of my sense for the past few months)

OP posts:
PercyPigPie · 01/12/2009 21:30

Thanks for the update . Oh poor boy, so now he's got a poorly leg, a nasty splinter and a broken heart!

How come he gets a flu jab ahead of everyone else? has he got something genuinely wrong with him? I know those with health problems and under 5s are getting them, but does that include Mummy's boys?

Is he a PFB?

OmicronPersei8 · 02/12/2009 19:17

Thank you for the update (and the link to this thread: I couldn't find it). You made such an effort to see things from his point of view as far as the golly goshing went, but everything else you've described screams 'mummy's boy', which really isn't a sexy look for someone in their late 30s, nor is it a healthy one for a relationship!

letsblowthistacostand · 02/12/2009 19:53

Thank you for the update! I must just know one more thing to determine whether he is the long-lost twin of my sad sack ex: does he pee sitting down?

orangelampshade · 02/12/2009 21:36

Yes Mud - he is a pfb! Now, of course, he's also a plt ( a precious late thirties) sheesh. No idea when he is having the flu jab, I just sort of murmered 'mmm?' when I heard him detailing it, pretty sure he said he was all set to have it this month though.

Omicron - hello! It's an utterly unsexy look to be wanting your warm milk and saying 'golly gosh' at grown up stuff, a bit perplexing now I can see it from a distance, but like I say, I think I was hypnotised or something for the past few months to have turned a blind eye.

Letsblowtaco - that is so funny! I wouldn't be at all surprised if Mr Baby did wee sitting down, after all, anything could have happened to him whilst standing up, like, a leg cramp? A knee ache?

btw, he emailed me today saying he was feeling queasy and should really be at home. WTF is going through his head? I swear, if he could he would be using Tena Lady to get sympathy.....

(am angry about it all now, thank you for listening and reading)

OP posts:
figrollinthehay · 02/12/2009 21:41

'saying he was feeling queasy and should really be at home' - you must be making this up now!

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