poorly person or hypochondriac? you decide

[orangelampshade]

Been seeing this man for four months. It's begun to strike me that he very regularly has an ailment. A sympathy-generating ailment. Or am I being harsh? Is he genuinely unlucky in the health department?

For instance: he has sinus problems, then asthma. Fair enough, I can see that he has this.

Two weekends ago, he was awake in the night with back ache and had to wake me up to say he was going to get himeslf 'some warm milk to help him feel better' hmmmm. Why wake me up at 2am to tell me this?

This weekend he's had a numb big toe, then a numb foot and lower leg (I think it's because he strained it while taking some exercise)he thinks it's something more sinister and it's been the main topic of conversation.

He's also had a 'nasty splinter'

a headache

and last night, he had a bad dream, then three long and troubled incidents of feeling queasy, which involved lights on, noise and waking me up at 4am onwards.

I feel I am loosing sympathy. At first, I would be concerned, now I'm

Am I being unfair?
Am I being too tolerant?

Opinions please!

Excellent advice here, thank you for taking the trouble to think about it all

Letsblow - genius idea. After all, I'm not a doctor, maybe he really is ill? Warm milk won't help him. Seriously, I was so taken aback that a grown man would go and even make some bloody warm milk, let alone drink it, to make him feel better, that I knew if I started asking him wtf? I would blow my top. Plus it was middle of the night - never a good time to start having words.

AF - I hear ya. I know I can leave at any time though. I'm wondering if he's always just been allowed to get away with this childish behaviour? If I ignore it, maybe he'll stop it? I'm not in any way going to pander to his petulant ramblings. I suppose I'm hoping he'll stop it, but I want to know for sure either way. Hope that makes sense, not sure I've worded it very well

Ha! ha! I got mysterious wrong thread comments on the other thread too! Love it!

Agree with AF he sounds a bit manipulative. But maybe constant trips to the GP would make him realize he has ishooos?

Yep - maybe I should express extreme concern just the once and get him to see the dr immediately. Might make him see that this won;t wash with me and its not worth going down that route?

It's a gamble.

I was wondering if his ailments are a way of focusing attention on him by me, along the lines of him finding it hard to express verbal emotions in an adult way, he is also showing physical attraction in childish terms?

God, woman, run! Run for the hills from this baby-man. Of course he has issues, poor soul, but jesus, there are MATURE adult males out there, honest.
Hot milk ffs.
And a splinter!

what a load of hogshite

bin him

But, apart from all the poorly nonsense and the billy buner bedroom speak, he is a nice person...

should I broach the subject with him at least? Say I'm 'concerned' at his health matters that are coming thick an fast, he shold go to the dr etc, and say I'm not the right person to help him with it?

God almighty, I don't know what to do here, am listening to you all though. Thank you for taking it seriously and offering advice

How old is he again? Is he retrainable? Can you really be bothered?

You won't change him.
It'll go round in circles.
There are nice guys WITHOUT massive health anxiety issues around. Don't hang on to someone not quite good enough. It's you who'll suffer in the long term.
Sorry, wish there was a way you could 'fix' him, but you may well be one in a line of women who have tried to help him.

He's late 30s

Nope, I reallay can't be bothered training him, or anyone for that matter

Why is he so weird?

some people are just weird

end of

you don't have to be responsible for him, you don't have to cure him, you don't have to do anything

so, you have been together for four months. So far...

1. he has irritated you with his stupid Golly-Gosh Billy Bunter speech patterns

2. he appears to have extreme health anxiety. If not, he has a major need to be the centre of attention. Do you need any more toddlers in your life ?

3. when you have tried to talk to him about how he makes you feel, he turns it round to make you look like a monster

4. he has already asked you to tie him up

Need I say more ??

Why is he so weird? well, it must be his mother, surely, because we are to blame for all our children's wierdness.

Do you think there is a thread somewhere here called 'i think my son is a bit weird' where the last post goes something like 'thanks for your advice everyone. I now see that he is a complete weirdo and I have to protect myself from him. With my help he has now successfully found a lovely girlfriend and seems very happy and settled. I have changed my locks and am off to australia next week without leaving a forwarding address like you advised. Don't know what I would do without Mumsnet'

lolol missingtheaction !!

OP, what do your kids/family/friends think of him ?

IME he won't stop.

Try telling him you had a bad night or you have a pain somewhere or something. He'll probably take that as an opportunity to tell you how awful his night was or how painful his something is.

Wander away nicely.

Warm milk?

What a pussy.

How can you be aroused by someone who wants to drink warm milk?

Friends think he's a bait geeky, which grante, yes he is. They don't know about all the weirdness as I haven't told them. I've only told you lot here!

AF - yep, four months is nothing. He does need to constantly be the centre of attention.

Missinginaction - that's scary as hell!

Jux - you know what I think I'm going to try that and see if he lavishes any attention on me for say, a sore knee, a stubbed toe or somesuch malady that may beset me. See what he does - maybe he'll try to top it with his particular ache and pain, well, I'll top that one, ha!

Sidge - it is indeed hard to think of a man who gets up to maek warm milk as a sexy beast.

Nicky - I'm wondering how many girlfriends he has had now, the subjec hasn't come up. I'm going to ask him

Also - am taking all advice on board, I know the concensus is to finish with him

he doesn't sound like an axe-murderer or anything

just deeply unsexy and very hard work

I couldn't be arsed myself, I like a man to be a man

Amen to that - I wish he was more manly. Full stop.

(am going to try and stop going round in circles)

Bloody warm milk

Actually, just thinking about that stupid milk - has anyone ever heard of it helping back ache? It's a new one on me when I heard it.

Sounds like he was just being annoying but am prepared to stand corrected.

Have you discussed kinky sex in any detail? Because TBH he sounds to me like an adult baby (no, not posting any links). Please note that this does not mean he is a child abuser in any way, adult babies want to pretend that they are babies and be mollycoddled. However, it's not a fetish everyone wants to share and from what yo upost I don't think you have any enthusiasm for playing Nanny or Matron with him (and there is no reason why you should). At the very least I get the impression he's a sub with roleplay fantasies - again, harmless enough but not everyone's cup of tea.

annoying

and attention-seeking

next question ?

sgb, I hinted at this upthread when I asked if he asked for bitty, wore a nappy and sucked a dodey {grin]

You need a test, a period test. Complain of having horrible cramps and lie on the sofa looking wan.

Good things to say

1. How can I help?"

1. "Here's a hot water bottle"
2. "I'll get you some painkillers"
3. "I'll run you a warm bath".

Any of the above and he can stay.
Any of the below and kick him into touch.

1 "Oh did I tell you about my sore....."
2 "I'll get you some warm milk when I'm getting mine"
3 "I heard exercise and/or sex helps"

get stocked up on baby lotion

I have a feeling its going to come in handy...