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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

poorly person or hypochondriac? you decide

169 replies

orangelampshade · 23/11/2009 17:32

Been seeing this man for four months. It's begun to strike me that he very regularly has an ailment. A sympathy-generating ailment. Or am I being harsh? Is he genuinely unlucky in the health department?

For instance: he has sinus problems, then asthma. Fair enough, I can see that he has this.

Two weekends ago, he was awake in the night with back ache and had to wake me up to say he was going to get himeslf 'some warm milk to help him feel better' hmmmm. Why wake me up at 2am to tell me this?

This weekend he's had a numb big toe, then a numb foot and lower leg (I think it's because he strained it while taking some exercise)he thinks it's something more sinister and it's been the main topic of conversation.

He's also had a 'nasty splinter'

a headache

and last night, he had a bad dream, then three long and troubled incidents of feeling queasy, which involved lights on, noise and waking me up at 4am onwards.

I feel I am loosing sympathy. At first, I would be concerned, now I'm

Am I being unfair?
Am I being too tolerant?

Opinions please!

OP posts:
orangelampshade · 23/11/2009 17:56

TBH - I laugh at my rubbish sex life too!

It is funny, but then I realise it's my life and wonder how I ended up here

OP posts:
orangelampshade · 23/11/2009 17:58

Thing is, I really do like him!

Apart from the oddness he is really lovely

Do you think that if I keep ignoring it all and just getting on with things, he'll stop being such a berk?

(I know the answer is 'no' - just got to ask)

OP posts:
SkipToMyLou · 23/11/2009 18:02

Is this the poster who made me change my name to Lady Foof in honour of her uber-polite BF?

orangelampshade · 23/11/2009 18:04

I'm on a stream of consciousness here -

I think that he's used to being molycoddled (good word!) and so when he wants attentins, he pulls out the 'I'm poorly' card and must usually get results.

I'm wise to it though and it won't wash. Also, with the Enid Blyton speak, tied in with the poorly-sick - he gets the attention without having to express himself.

Thing is, I do have a sexy nurse outfit (apologies to nurses), maybe I should put it on and sort him out?

Again, sorry if tmi - it's just good to get it all out!

OP posts:
orangelampshade · 23/11/2009 18:06

Skip -yes! Tis I!

I didn't know I had this honour and you had the great name of lady foof!

This weekend, he said foof twice (in bed, yes) - I was actually disappointed it's been clearly downgraded from Lady Foof. Things are worse than I thought

OP posts:
cocolepew · 23/11/2009 18:09

Phrases for future use

"Do I look like I give a shit?"

"Shut up

"We've no milk by the way"

"I've booked you an appointment at the prostrate clinic"

"You'll only feel a little prick"

wrigglershouse · 23/11/2009 18:10

Someone please, please, please link to the other thread. I missed it and O how much I want to know what he does from the hints in this thread!

Caramela · 23/11/2009 18:12

Hypochondriac. Next time he complains about an ailment try saying with apparent concern - ' Oh right. You're not getting a shooting pain when you bend your elbow/ pins and needles in your fingers / sneezing more than normal are you ?' and then say ' oh nothing, don't worry ' when he asks why.

SkipToMyLou · 23/11/2009 18:18

You have the patience of a saint! Not necessarily a bad thing, but I can't even begin to put myself in your position and give advice, I'm afraid I'd have run away screaming a long time ago. He's lucky to have you

SkipToMyLou · 23/11/2009 18:20

wrigglershouse this is one thread, don't know if there are more.

orangelampshade · 23/11/2009 18:20

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/833935-politeness-is-there-a-time-and-a-place-sorry-if

This may or may not work!

OP posts:
orangelampshade · 23/11/2009 18:22

Caramela - that might give him more ideas!

He'll be waking up and waking me up at 4 in the morning with pins and ruddy needles!

Maybe I should give it a go and be the one with a mystery ailment? See what he does?

He is a lovely person though - just want to add that again!

OP posts:
orangelampshade · 23/11/2009 18:24

..but - it is deeply unsexy though

OP posts:
FairyLightsForever · 23/11/2009 19:00

I read your other thread and skip is right, you have the patience of a saint... It will only get worse.

As much as we enjoy reading these threads, for your own sanity...
RUN, run for the hills!

Caramela · 23/11/2009 19:09

Yes but imagine how funny the worried look on his face would be.

Anyway, seriously the man's a nutjob - run like the wind

Anniegetyourgun · 23/11/2009 19:17

Reminds me of the Jack Nicholson film, As Good As It Gets. The girl (Helen Hunt iirc) cries to the heavens, "All I want is a normal boyfriend, someone who won't go crazy on me!" Her mother, who is not supposed to be listening, pops her head round the door and says "We all want that, dear. It doesn't exist."

orangelampshade · 23/11/2009 19:18

My fear is that - if I say to him 'oh for gods sake, grow up!' or 'shut up mummy's boy' or any of the other great phrases you've all come up with - I can virtually write the argument we'll have.

He has petulant tendancies and would say: "I can't help being poorly/ill/whatever' 'It's not my fault' and so on and I'll look like a monster.

I am listening though, and the consensus is telling me to run like the wind...

I think I may have it out with him though as I want to hear his side of things, does he know he's actually doing it? Maybe if he sees that it won't get him anywhere, he may snap out of it? LIke a naughty toddler?

OP posts:
FairyLightsForever · 23/11/2009 19:19

Out of curiosity, has he become any more dominant in bed? Or have you just resigned yourself to him being submissive?

PerArduaAdNauseum · 23/11/2009 19:25
letsblowthistacostand · 23/11/2009 19:27

If you want to stay with him, you must take every ailment completely seriously. As soon as he starts complaining, call GP or NHS direct. Every. Single. Time. Make him explain to NHS direct exactly what his symptoms are. If it's bad enough for him to wake you up, he clearly needs medical attention. Get the car keys and offer to drive him to A&E.

But I would just get rid, TBH. It's not worth the hassle. How did you manage to not fall over laughing at the request for warm milk?

AnyFucker · 23/11/2009 19:27

orange, that petulance is an awful red flag love

turning things around and making you look like the bad person...another red flag

you say he is a lovely person, to me he sounds like a manipulator

do you know what, I have never met him and I cannot stand him

PerArduaAdNauseum · 23/11/2009 19:28

Call his bluff and get a proper bottle for the warm milk. He'll either take it (run, run, run) or get huffy (laugh, laugh, laugh)

orangelampshade · 23/11/2009 19:28

Well fairy - he has become a little more demonstrative with a few 'mmmmm' sounds, and on two or three occasions, there has been a 'oh f**k' which took me by surprise.

Still many a 'gosh' though..

Also (sorry, sorry tmi!) has asked me to tie him up..

OP posts:
PerArduaAdNauseum · 23/11/2009 19:31

'Mendacious' is bodacious, but I can never lie
I cannot be fallacious, no matter how I try.

PerArduaAdNauseum · 23/11/2009 19:32

Fuck. Wrong Thread