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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Oh crap. MIL gave me a very expensive dress, I gave it to charity shop, she wants it back......

232 replies

DrNortherner · 20/10/2009 17:54

She put on weight and it no lobger fitted her. Was a very expensive long burgundy evening frock with bolero jacket. She said it was too expensive to give away, but she wanted me to have use of it.

It was too old fashioned for me, and she often dumps her cleared out stuff to me.

Anyway, she is off on a cruise next month, has lost weight and now thinks she'll fit into it. I did not have the heart to say I donated it to a charity shop.

She's coming round on WEdnesday to collect it.

Should I tel the truth, or say I can't find it, or I lent it to someone else.....?

HELP me.

OP posts:
Doodleydoo · 20/10/2009 20:31

Blame the dry cleaner - say you are still working out compensation for it and didn't know how to tell her!

6feetundertheGroundhogs · 20/10/2009 20:50

Can you get DH to take some of the fall, your only chance is to say you can't find it and then get him to say he must have taken it in a bag to charity shop.

Tis the only way....

What time is she coming round on Weds.. can we watch?

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 20/10/2009 20:55

dont blame the moths; because its a short slippery slope until you actually do gets moths, as punishment for lying to your MIL

Original poster
DrNortherner · 20/10/2009 22:46

Oh guys you made me chuckle if nothing else. I have decided, that tomorrow I will be open and honest. She is babysiiting tomorrow for us as dh and I are going out, so I have to let her in......I feel a little sick at the thought of it.

I did wonder is she is onto me you know, so another reason I need to be honest. I am totally shocked she asked for it back. It was truly hideous and showed far too much norkage for a woman of her years, but as she has fallen in love with a Phillipino wine waiter 30 years her junior (who works on teh ship she is cruising on) I guess flashing her tits is the name of the game.

I'll report back tomorrow. Wish me luck.

OP posts:
Original poster
DrNortherner · 20/10/2009 22:52

Whilst looking for a picture of said dress on the web I discovered this site that even specialises in cruise wear. I'll suggest it!

OP posts:
Bookswapper · 20/10/2009 22:58

WMMC

I have had wooly bears, the larvae of hide beetles. They like dropped food. The council has sprayed for them. I am finding dead ones.

Moths they dont treat for...too difficult. Find the affected garment...chuck out. Chuck out everything that is damaged. Put cashmere, wool, silk in bags in freezer for at least 3 days to kill larvae. they are tiny, millimetres long apparently. Hoover hoover hoover.

good luck

thelunar66 · 20/10/2009 23:00

Wow... that website is something else

JustAnotherManicMummy · 20/10/2009 23:41

TheHerbs may I ask what spray you use please?

Just when I think I'm free of the buggers I spot another one. And I have very recently lost a lovely pair of pink cashmere bedsocks so it is all quite raw.

JustAnotherManicMummy · 20/10/2009 23:43

OMG I'd assumed cruise wear would refer to something you'd wear on an ocean liner... not to dress one

Jajas · 21/10/2009 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smerchant · 21/10/2009 00:38

Say the truth. She might be upset for short time but its not end of the world. You can explain that you didnt expected that she would want it back.

TheHerbs · 21/10/2009 06:40

JAMM it is yer standard 'ant and crawling insect killer' in ye olde green tin from the hardware shop/post office etc.

It seems to do fine. I use it on wool rugs going into storage, and under furniture I may not move in a while.

It does pong though so try not to breathe in till it has settled.

Good luck DrN.

whomovedmychocolate · 21/10/2009 07:38

We used cat flea spray and then Colibri sachets to sort our moths as well as a good old vac of everything in there and it did sort the problem.

Jajas - I forgot about the sodding squirrels. One squirrel caused £8k's worth of damage to our thatch within a week. It's an ex-squirrel now obviously

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 21/10/2009 07:49

Do not say you gave it to a charity shop. Say it didn't suit you but a friend saw it, fell in love with it so you gave it to her.

GentleOtter · 21/10/2009 08:42

What about offering to go shopping with her to help her choose something classy for her cruise?

And what is the Victorian Walking Dress all about on that link?

MrsTittleMouse · 21/10/2009 08:54

You will have to be (mostly) honest. But I don't see anything wrong with -
"I can't find it" (completely honest)
"I'm really sorry" (so honest, boy are you sorry!)
"It must have been swept into the charity bag" (on purpose, but you can leave that bit out)
"Please let us buy you a fabulous new dress to apologise and celebrate your weight loss"

Good luck.

2rebecca · 21/10/2009 09:08

I'd tell the truth. Say you had no idea she'd ever want it back and thought she'd given it to you but after having it a while you realised it didn't really suit you so you gave it to a charity shop because it was a beautiful dress and you thought it deserved better than sitting in your wardrobe unworn.
Apologise and say if you'd realised she'd want to wear it again you wouldn't have done it.

I think she's being really insensitive to ask you for it as it sounds as though she dumped the dress on you rather than you asking for it.
In future though I'd refuse clothes from her saying you don't think you'd wear them, although she may get the hint and not offer you them any more.

diddl · 21/10/2009 09:30

Treat/go halves if she finds somthing not too expensive?

But it is partly her fault for giving to you without asking to keep hold of it.

LuluSkipToMyLou · 21/10/2009 10:17

Put yourself in her place - what would you want her to say to you?

2rebecca · 21/10/2009 10:23

I'd want the truth, which I don't think is that awful. My sister gave stuff to me that no longer fitted her and which I decided didn't suit me so I gave to a charity shop. If she loses weight and wants them back tough, she should have put them in the loft if she wanted to hang on to them. Once you give someone something it's gone.
Fair enough to say "do you still have....." but to expect people to hang on to unsolicited hand me downs and act as your extra wardrobe is unreasonable.

iwascyteenagewerewolf · 21/10/2009 10:44

Hope it goes well today DrN. As hilarious as this thread has been, I still think the basic flaw lies with her in 'giving' you something and then asking for it back months later. It's obvious she just dumped it on you because she wanted the space. So if she gets shirty about it, you can always point that out as tactfully (or otherwise) as you see fit.

DrunkenDaisy · 21/10/2009 10:49

Buy her the Plum Victorian Walking dress by way of compensation!

JustAnotherManicMummy · 21/10/2009 12:19

Thanks TheHerbs

I had got some spray off t'internet and some pheromone traps but they still appear from time to time.

DS has just started crawling though so may have to stick to hoovering and traps for now. Although I could have a go in my wardrobe.

ZZZenAgain · 21/10/2009 14:10

PMSL at this thread and the subthemes.

Northerner is very quiet.

MaggieEsLaMejorBruja · 21/10/2009 14:13

I'd tell her the truth.

I wouldn't give clothes to somebody 20+ years younger than I am and honestly expect them to treasure it....

She gave it to you. Say to her "I'm sorry, I didn't realise you would want it back"....

That'll stop the tide of velour coming your way, but it's also polite and apogetic (up to a point)