Oh crap. MIL gave me a very expensive dress, I gave it to charity shop, she wants it back......

[DrNortherner]

She put on weight and it no lobger fitted her. Was a very expensive long burgundy evening frock with bolero jacket. She said it was too expensive to give away, but she wanted me to have use of it.

It was too old fashioned for me, and she often dumps her cleared out stuff to me.

Anyway, she is off on a cruise next month, has lost weight and now thinks she'll fit into it. I did not have the heart to say I donated it to a charity shop.

She's coming round on WEdnesday to collect it.

Should I tel the truth, or say I can't find it, or I lent it to someone else.....?

HELP me.

How long did you have it before giving it away? If it was months and months and months, then just tell her the truth. You didn't think she'd ever want it back and you've cleared it out to charity. And apologise profusely and wish her a happy holiday.

I can't stand when people do this, giving you things, then asking for them back months later, really gets my goat.

No house move.

I'm scared if I say it's ruined she'll say 'let me see it' she's quite handy with a needle and thread.

I'm going to ahve to be hones aren't I? The dress was minging, I would never wear it, but didn't want to offend you when you gave it to me, so I sent it off quick sticks to local hospice shop.

Oh dear.

wht is she like? is she liekly to be very upset? angry?

tbh i think i would just tell the truth. or at least say that you gave it away as it just didn't suit you. you don'th ave to say you gave it to a charity shop

Anything anyone ever lends me gets put in its original bag in a safe place, until I feel I have had it for a polite length of time, I then find an excuse to return it.

I am terrified of losing/damaging something and also sometimes things are awful and I don't want to use them anyway. Especially some baby clothes people foist on you which are just not to your taste...'mummy's little asbo' t shirts and the like.

It's her own fault. If she had wanted to keep it, she shouldn't have given it to you.

People are always dumping stuff on me, simply to clear out their own home. It's not convenient to keep stuff indefinitely.

Say you wore it, loved it, didn't put it back in the bag and then moths got it. I have moths; they are still around. They ate my gloves this year. I can give you some if you want to make it very realistic. I will not want them back.

Variation - moths got it, you took it to the tailor who told you to bin it.

I like Mutt's idea, that your 'friend' ruined it.

I think you need to be honest, just say it was very kind etc. etc. but it just didn't suit you, so you thought it better someone else had the pleasure (!) of wearing it. Then suggest she deserves to treat herself to a new dress to celebrate her weight loss.

could you lard a fessing up with such outrageous amounts of flattery she will fell that while you are feckless with clothes you are a wonderful DIL? you know.. 'ooh MIL I don't know what you were thinking off thinking I'd ever be slim enough/busty enough/dropdown gorgeous to wear that dress..only you could do it justice.. to be honest I had to get rid of it, it was sitting in the wardrobe mocking me with the woman I'll never be..'

the therapy afterwards to tackle the drink problem caused by the lack of respect will cost more than the dress but at least you'll be drunk

I have moths ....

I think the only real option is the 'can't find it' angle. You agreed she could come and get it - so if you now say that was never going to happen ie you knew, she will suspect you're lying about the other thing.

So ring her tonight or tomorrow and say you are so so sorry but have been in the attic, searched everywhere, wardrobes, guest room everywher, and just can't find it - you have no idea where it is (true, you don't!) and hope she has something else in mind that you can treat her to, as you feel really bad.

You can't think what has happened unless it has somehow got mixed up with giveaways or your cousin/daughter/friend borrowed it without asking.

We have moths too . I would go with moth story - they are little buggers who would eat through anything.

They say the most convincing way to lie is to base it on the truth (i wouldn't know, myself ....).

So say that aliens abducted you and re-programmed your brain (LIE) to donate any burgundy-coloured items to the charity shop (TRUTH)

LOL at pants

and Jamie!!!

She will want to see moth damage.

ebay? try to find a match?

Rather you than me!

Yes, she will want to see moth damage/cigarette burns/stains.

Tell her the truth. She is only human. She will forgive (I assume she is human .....)

Say you wore it and realised that the colour/cut/style did nothing for you as you have short legs/fat arms/a flat chest unless your MIL who has such long legs/toned armed/fabulous décolletage so reluctantly you gave it to Annabel who has since moved to Australia. And how terribly sorry you are but that it is now being waltzed round high society in Adelaide which is a lovely thing to think of.

Say someone really wanted it after seeing you in it, and a donation would be made to the local hospice, so you felt like you couldn't refuse...

PMSL at GordonBrown.

Moth holes ruined it. Had to bin but didn't have the heart to tell her.