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Original poster

If SIL did this deliberately she's being horrid (again) if it was a mistake...

29 replies

deliberate · 16/10/2009 18:02

We had Dinner at SIL's last night to celebrate her (&DH's) father's birthday.

She's a good cook and had made a lovely looking chocolate torte. Although as soon as I'd told her how it delicious it looked, she announces I can't have any because it contains partially cook eggs (am 33 weeks pregnant)

Left to myself I'd have probably had some anyway TBH, but as I now had all my IL's agreeing that I would be putting the future grandchild in danger if I did, I had some of the fruit salad she'd made specially for me.

I then had to listen to everyone telling me how good it was and how thoughtful she was to have made something special for me.

Is it wrong of me to think thoughtful would be making something I could have in the first place? Not FIL's favourite BTW, that would be a Bird's Trifle, but she won't have that on her table!

OP posts:
said · 16/10/2009 18:05

Um, well, I don't see why she couldn't have made it but I also don't understand why you couldn't decide for yourself whether or not to eat some? Is there a backstory here????

claricebeansmum · 16/10/2009 18:06

This type of thing pisses me off.

She should have said "it has got raw egg in just so you know" and left it to me.

We had a dinner party on friday night and when offering food I would say "this is x with NUT topping", "this is cheaty chocolate mousse without eggs" etc

You need to put everyone at their ease.

Sounds like a complete tosser to me.

claricebeansmum · 16/10/2009 18:06

to me???

to you!

Heated · 16/10/2009 18:08

Maybe she started making it, thought ']Bugger, Deliberate can't eat this," and made you a fruit salad instead?

Lulumama · 16/10/2009 18:10

erm, she made you something else.

she respected the fact you could not eat it and made sure there was an alternative

i don't think that she should have had to not make it, just because you could not eat it, but everyone else loved it

i think you're being really picky

6feetundertheGroundhogs · 16/10/2009 18:10

Fruit Fecking Salad???

I'd have thought in all the tens of weeks she must have known you were pregnant, it might have occured to her to rule out something that even one of her guests couldn't eat...

I am inclined to think that it was a little mean... I'D not have done that..

Lulumama · 16/10/2009 18:14

wow, am surprised to be the dissenting voice here

pregnant women don't all avoid all of the foods they should, some drink and eat partially cooked eggs etc...

traceybath · 16/10/2009 18:15

I agree with lulu - there must be some backstory for you to feel upset by this.

said · 16/10/2009 18:16

Woudl she have even known/remembered that you're not supposed to eat egg? I've got 2 kids and I woudln't remember that if cooking for someone else.

themildmanneredjanitor · 16/10/2009 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crokky · 16/10/2009 18:18

I'm with your SIL I'm afraid.

She wanted to make a certain pudding. It's against the guidelines for pg women so she made you something else. No problem. When I was pregnant, I would have been grateful.

As for you saying you would have eaten it anyway, TBH, I can't stand that sort of attitude. Do you think the guidelines don't apply to you? Are you some sort of special being? Can you not abstain from foods that are not recommended for your baby's sake?

If your SIL is being deliberately horrid to you (again), there must be history. She sounds like a completely different sort of person to you, so I think you'll just have to accept a civil relationship with her, nothing more.

Doodlez · 16/10/2009 18:19

I made a chocolate mousse pudding for a small group of recovering alcoholics once. Didn't enter me head until after I'd sloshed the brandy in.

Miggsie · 16/10/2009 18:19

She was being a bit off...there are plenty of chocolate puddings that don't have partially cooked egg in.

The way everyone agreed you should not eat any then they all tucked in was shitty really as well.
She could at least have given you a bar of chocolate for yourself.

If you were on a diet I could see why she did you fruit salad, but you are not.

I have friend who is allergic to eggs and I spent ages looking for a chocolate pud I could make for her. It's really off to serve something knowing one person would like to eat it but can't for medical reasons.

FABIsInTraining · 16/10/2009 18:20

I think there are bigger issues than her making something you are advised not to eat.

MonkeyPoo · 16/10/2009 18:27

She was thoughtful making an alternative, but I echo the point here, FRUIT SALAD!!!!

I'd have murdered someone when pregnant if that was my alternative.

ScaryFucker · 16/10/2009 18:28

unless there is some backstory here that you are going to dripfeed...

you are being petty and really ought to find something else to get all riled up about

she cooked you a lovely meal, probably at great expense and effort

she could have just given you no alternative for dessert

fruit salad=quite expensive at this time of year

are you one of those pg ladies who feels that everyone else has to also change their lifestyle, just because you do ?

AxisofEvil · 16/10/2009 18:28

Without knowing the back history its hard to say. At best thoughtless but at worst very passive aggressive.

Lulumama · 16/10/2009 18:30

i like fruit salad.

sayithowitis · 16/10/2009 18:34

Fruit salad is a cop out IMO. There are many recipes out there for chocolate mousse etc that don't use raw/partially cooked egg. I've used a number over the years when cooking a special meal for relatives or friends who can't have raw egg for whetever reason. And, whether we agree with the attitude or not, it is for deliberate to decide what she is going to eat/not eat iro her unborn baby. I doubt very much that everyone follows ALL guidelines to the letter simply because there is so much conflicting advice out there. It is absolutely NOT for her SIL to dictate what is 'safe' or otherwise.

diddl · 16/10/2009 18:37

Well, if it was for her fathers birthday, & she didn´t make him his favourite pud, I think she´s just a thoughtless showoff, TBH.

Liskey · 16/10/2009 22:32

As soemone who's also pregnant I'd have eaten the chocolate pudding as eggs in the UK don't have Salmonella as hens are innoculated aginst it. However I'd find your SIL annoying too - fruit salad or chocolate - no contest!

Ozziegirly · 17/10/2009 10:15

She sounds like she has been overcome with "entertaining virus" and now thinks she is Nigella.

My FIL likes plain plain plain food and I like cooking adventurous and interesting things.

But when the PILs come round it's plain fish pie and mash with plain fruit crumble all the way. Because that's just what you do when you have guests; make something everyone will like, not use it as a reason to try out something you think will make you look fancy.

She should have made you one of the million lovely chocolate puddings which don't use raw eggs, with a special Birds Trifle for FIL with a candle on top.

GrendelsMum · 17/10/2009 20:16

If I was being frank, I'd say 'shut up your moaning and be grateful for what you're given'.

Since I wouldn't dream of being frank on Mumsnet, I'd say that I can see that it would be much nicer to have chocolate cake rather than fruit salad, but that when you go to other people's houses and they cater for you, it's both polite and probably better for your blood pressure to eat what they've made, and do your best to enjoy it.

I do actually think the idea that she might be being horrid to you by making you something special (even if not what you wanted) is quite intriguing. Does she often do special things for you?

Thingiebob · 17/10/2009 20:38

Dunno if this is deliberately being horrid??

You think she shouldn't have made a chocolate torte just because you can't have any? What about the rest of the assembled company?

Sounds like you are reading too much into it to be honest.

tiredoftherain · 17/10/2009 20:51

I'm sure there's lots more behind this SIL relationship than you've told here, but on the basis of this I do think you're being a tiny bit precious - sorry.

Horrid imo would have been if she hadn't made you anything and let you sit there while everyone else munched away..

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