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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I KNOW, I KNOW ITS NOT FRIDAY BUT I HAVE A QUESTION REG...ORGASM !

31 replies

Anditsnotevenfriday · 13/10/2009 10:48

I really enjoy having sex with dh but I never orgasm, never ! I mean I know what it feels like as I have experienced it in the past with dh but not anymore...Is there something I'm doing wrong ? Is there something dh can do ? Is it up to dh to make me orgasm ??Please help !! I have namechanged as I know dh lurks sometimes ! Thank you !!!

OP posts:
KnickersandVests · 13/10/2009 10:53

IMO it's up to both of you. Does Dh know you haven't been orgasming? Have you been faking it? Have you talked about it at all?

What used to work for you and why do you think it doesn't anymore?

Do you use fantasy at all during sex, maybe that would help?

What about when you are alone, can you orgasm then?

pollywobbledoodle · 13/10/2009 10:53

are you on any meds like antidepressants/heart drugs? these can dampen the ability to have orgasm

what worked in the past?
have things got boring and predictable?...change the place you do it/the time/the way(have a quickie or a sesh)

abedelia · 13/10/2009 10:55

Have you had a few kids or a bad birth in between the 'having' and 'have not' era? Working those pelvic floor muscles can help physically...or are you stressed about anything such as kids walking in?

notevenamousie · 13/10/2009 10:59

I don't think it's up to your dh but I also don't think you are doing something wrong. What used to work? Not many women orgasm just from penetration, but other things might work (tongue or toys maybe?)

Original poster
Anditsnotevenfriday · 13/10/2009 11:02

Knicker - dh knows I dont orgasm and I dont fake it, I do really enjoy it..we talked about it but at the moment its hard, we both working hard etc..but I always want to have sex with him..we always done pretty much the same I think...what do you mean about fantaszy ? I never do it alone ..maybe I should try re

Polly - yes I'm on ads so it could be one reason...in the past we used to be saucy...dh used to like going down ..we tried to spicy things like watching soft porn together..we did it in the sofa last saturday !

abelia - I had 2 enormous babies, the last one was 10 pounds 6, could it be my fango ? my fango was never the same again after dd2

OP posts:
Original poster
Anditsnotevenfriday · 13/10/2009 11:04

note - we tried the durex ring and it was great but ermmm it did hurt dh as he has massive big penis ! I love penetration, I love tongue, I love everything...

OP posts:
gonnabehappy · 13/10/2009 11:24

ADs have knocked it on the head for me!

starbaby · 13/10/2009 11:36

have you tried orgasming by yourself?

I rarely orgasm with husband (but that's another story) so I self pleasure a lot and always orgasm.

In the past I've found that the more orgasms I've given myself then the easier it is to orgasm during sex. It's as thought my body remembers how to do it!

whomovedmychocolate · 13/10/2009 11:38

On ever have sex on the washing machine when it's on spin cycle

butterballs · 13/10/2009 12:03

Have you tried fantasising - works for me every time (only exception being if I have had way too much to drink) not saying what the fantasies are though....

mosschops30 · 13/10/2009 12:12

a large percentage of women cant orgasm through sex alone, including me.
It doesnt bother me, dh always makes sure I can orgasm in other ways either before or after which I love (and he does it very well ).
I dont see it as a reflection on dh as I have never orgasmed through sex alone, and dh is fab in bed, plus good excuse to get a good dose of foreplay in beforehand

Chickenshavenolips · 13/10/2009 12:15

AD's can affect the ability to orgasm.

overmydeadbody · 13/10/2009 12:17

Are you attempting to orgasm through penetration alone?

If so, you should try focusing on clitoral stimulation. You said your DH used to like going down on you, does he not any more? If a man knows what he's doing he should be able to give you an orgasm through oral alone.

What about stimulating your clit yourdself during penetration? Have your DH enter you from behind and this gives you clear acces to your clit with your own fingers.

overmydeadbody · 13/10/2009 12:19

see if you can bring yourself to orgasm on your own just to make sure you can actually still get to orgasm.

Original poster
Anditsnotevenfriday · 13/10/2009 14:14

thank you all...I think th ads knocked me a bit to be honest and also it got a bit boring...ermm a question about masturbation, when/where do you do it ??
Dh doesnt go down on me often as he says that I'll fed up of it if I get too much of that (yeah right)...position are always the same too..apart from last saturday as we did it on the sofa which was quite interesting !!! When I got an orgasm, it was sometimes due to penetration alone and also dh down...

OP posts:
anonymous85 · 13/10/2009 15:25

Lots of lube (if you can't yourself I guess buy some) and rubbing, I sometimes go just me ontop and just rubbing against him.

I only go when ontop, have about 3-4 times missionary but that is it. Def believe its about you being lubed and being in the position of being able for it to be rubbed while doing it. I'm almost guarenteed to "O" with DH sitting on the floor his back against the wall, his legs out straight and me sitting on top, with him on my boobs too (might be control thing too lol). Sorry about the details lol but maybe try that one

I've never been able to masturabate

Original poster
Anditsnotevenfriday · 13/10/2009 15:37

annymous - wow I wish I could do what you errrmm describe , the thing is dh doesnt like me being on the top because he is scared that I'm going to break him (his words), well I did once..I'm not the best at this position, it s sad because all the time I did it, I really enjoyed being in control !

OP posts:
Original poster
Anditsnotevenfriday · 13/10/2009 15:38

I have sent him this this afternoon :

Feminine orgasms

How can men help?

  • Remember that most women need stimulation of the clitoris. This is the part of them that would have turned into a penis had they developed as males - and it's just as important to women as the penis is to a guy.
  • Remember that love, romance, cuddling and a good atmosphere turn women on in the early stages of a sex session just as much as your caresses do.
  • Take your time.
  • Caress her breasts - a few women learn to climax through breast fondling alone.
  • Give her oral sex. Most women adore this and some claim that they cannot come unless a man 'goes down' on them.
  • Don't be too proud to ask her to show you what she wants.
  • Have some sex sessions where you encourage her to take the initiative and to decide the agenda.
  • If you lose control and come before her, do try to summon some energy to kiss and stimulate her so that she can climax, too.
  • Do tell her that she's marvellous, sexy and beautiful.
OP posts:
ScaryFucker · 13/10/2009 19:00

get a vibrator

voila!

Actually, OP, I wouldn't have sent him that. Unless he is a very understanding guy, there is a risk he will take it as a criticism

I presume you are going to follow it up with "how women can help" ?

notevenamousie · 13/10/2009 19:52

I wouldn't have sent that. I'd find a nice, snuggly time - in bed, or when the dc have finally gone to sleep - and talk about it. Mention things you'd like to try, as well as whether there's anything you could do for him.

Like AF, my vibrator gives the most intense orgasms. Not emotionally meaningful, but physically satisfying.

Original poster
Anditsnotevenfriday · 14/10/2009 10:05

I have sent him this but it is meant to be light hearted to be honest ! I have tried to talk about it with him but his mind is always somewhere else.

OP posts:
ScaryFucker · 14/10/2009 13:36

did it help then by getting him to talk ?

dollyparting · 14/10/2009 14:05

Advice on technique is fine, but what is going on in your head and his head?

You have experienced orgasm with him before,so what has changed? And I don't mean position, body shape etc.

What has changed in how you are thinking about your relationship? You seem to have enjoyed the variety on the sofa - are you looking for more spontaneity? are you seeking some excitement? If that was a good experience, can you relive it in fantasy?

What has changed in how he is thinking about you?

There's more to orgasm than flicking the right bits.

missperfecttoes · 14/10/2009 15:30

I believe its the AD as this is a definate side effect, no orgasm whatever you do!!

missperfecttoes · 14/10/2009 15:32

I believe its the AD as this is a definate side effect, no orgasm whatever you do!!