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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

people not replying to texts really upsets me

49 replies

starbaby · 13/10/2009 10:09

I sent 7 texts yesterday to various close friends and so far have had 1 reply!

This happens all the time, i send a text asking a question and it takes people 3 days to get back to me!! I find it really hurtful and ignorant and rude.

These are mostly close friends and I just can't understand why they don't answer texts.

I have a couple of friends who I know are not very phone friendly, they never turn their phones on, leave them in a drawer etc and so I don't expect them to reply immediately. But the texts I sent yesterday are to friends who carry phones with them, put them on the table when we're in the pub, they use them all the time.

Sometimes they apologise and say 'sorry, was busy at work and forgot'...for 3 days???!!

When I get a text I reply straight away, it only takes 30seconds, even if it's just to say 'yeah ok x'

My husband says that I'm being oversensitive about it cos I have my phone with me every minute of the day and other people don't.

However, when my friends want me they always text and I always reply within minutes, why can't they extend the same courtesy to me?

OP posts:
BunnyLebowski · 13/10/2009 10:10

Your husband is right. Get a grip love.

TrillianSlasher · 13/10/2009 10:14

When you receive a text, sometimes often you are doing something else. You say to yourself 'I'll deal wiht that later'. Then you either deal with it later or forget. It's not a deliberate slight. If you want an immediate response then phone people.

AngryFromManchester · 13/10/2009 10:15

what if they have no credit on their phone?

I think you are taking it a bit too personal

MrsBadger · 13/10/2009 10:16

yabu

your husband is right

if you want an instant response why not ring and talk to them, eh?

squeaver · 13/10/2009 10:17

Agree with Bunny. Some people are just not text people.

diddl · 13/10/2009 10:18

Your husband is right.

I don´t have a mobile, but if I did, I wouldn´t use it to text, as I loathe the whole idea of "text speak" & not talking to someone personally.

TrillianSlasher · 13/10/2009 10:23

Text speak is not compulsory diddl.

Texts are great for when you want to communicate something but you don't know if someone is busy at that perticular time and you don't need an immediate response. They can pick up the message when it's convenient for them, reply, and you can look at the reply when it is convenient for you.

stillstanding · 13/10/2009 10:23

I don't like mobiles much and hate texts. So easy to forget them and I am quite sure I would be just like your friends. You just have to accept that not everyone treats their phones/texts in the same way you do.

diddl · 13/10/2009 10:25

I´m sure that the majority of people think they are great.

I´d rather get in touch personally,is all!

Leeka · 13/10/2009 10:25

I often don't have signal where I live, and then when I do have signal I forget about all the texts that have built up, so sometimes then take days to reply to them. I hope no-one finds it rude.

If they need an immediate response they could always try actually calling me.

stillstanding · 13/10/2009 10:25

See, Trillian - that's what I think email is for. I keep my email inbox as a sort of to do list and will always reply to emails albeit at a time convenient for me. I find this harder with texts. Basically I just look at the last three new ones so if I have had a flurry of them it is quite likely that I will never get round to responding to one.

Original poster
starbaby · 13/10/2009 10:26

but what about the fact that when they are arranging something they do it by text? We are a group of friends and we rarely ring each other we use texts to arrange stuff and ask how each other are?

If they text me to make an arrangement I text back within minutes, yet when I text them they take days to get back to me.

Suppose I need to just wean myself off using my phone, maybe put it away in a drawer or something...

OP posts:
Jajas · 13/10/2009 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
starbaby · 13/10/2009 10:31

obviously just me then that thinks it's really rude to get a message or question off someone and just 'ignore' or 'forget' it.

OP posts:
paisleyleaf · 13/10/2009 10:31

I thought the point in texting was that people can pick up messages at their convenience, and it's a good thing because they can also reply when it suits.
Rather than ringing at what might be an inconvenient time.

I'm a bit bad for this tbh, and will check it when it beeps, but if I'm in the middle of something else will put off replying til later (and it can get forgotten).

I had a friend who had a phone that could tell her when I'd picked the message up and would get funny with me if I'd left my reply a while.

Your DH is right. And not replying to your text doesn't mean your friends think any less of you.

MrsBadger · 13/10/2009 10:33

all that shows is exactly what has already been suggested, that they use their phones differently to you - as the equivalent of leaving notes for each other to be picked up as and when - not that they hate you or are ignoring you.

Perhaps they are thinking 'God, starbaby is really weird about texts, every time I send her one she replies within about 10seconds, even if it's only about coffee next week, like she sits there with her phone in her hand all the time waiting for someone to text'

people are different, live with it

thedollshouse · 13/10/2009 10:35

You wouldn't like me then. I personally don't like mobile phones as I find them an intrusion of privacy. If I am just nipping into town I don't take my mobile (much to the annoyance of dh and friends). I answer texts when I have time and I often run out of credit. Like the internet the mobile phone is another tool that just seems to heighten peoples paranoia.

I would love to go back to the 70's, life was so much simpler then!

haventsleptforayear · 13/10/2009 10:37

MrsBadger is right.

I think it's really rude when I am with friends and their phone beeps, and they immediately interrupt the conversation to look at it and reply.

I think it's ok to quickly check it, but if it's not urgent (when is it ever? what did we do before phones?) there is no need to reply immediately.

Plus with your logic, when would conversations ever finish?

ie : let's meet for coffee at 10
Ok great.
See you then.
See YOU.
bye
bye
ad nauseum....

somewhathorrified · 13/10/2009 10:37

I'm the person who doesn't reply to texts! If people want to talk to me they should phone, texts are annoying at best, not a letter, not a phone call...is it important, or is it one of those things you take your time over? Everyone treats them differently, yet you can't tell what type of person they are. I've had somone get annoyed at me for not replying to a 'happy birthday' text...they didn't even ask a question! why would I reply?

mrsjammi · 13/10/2009 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bramshott · 13/10/2009 10:39

But they do still get back to you don't they?!? I must admit when I get a text, I usually pick my phone up in between dragging fishfingers out of the oven, refereeing between the DDs etc, and I usually think "oh that's a nice idea, I'll get back to XX later". Or if people are asking about meeting up, I usually need to check with DH etc. It can quite easily be a week between someone texting me and me replying!

fannybanjo · 13/10/2009 10:39

It is far more ignorant when I am with someone and all they do is text people.

stillfrazzled · 13/10/2009 10:43

They might be like me, and make up an instant answer in their head... and then forget they haven't sent it I am terrible for that.

paisleyleaf · 13/10/2009 10:46

I know that one still frazzled.

overmydeadbody · 13/10/2009 10:52

You need to get a grip.

The problem here is you have expectations about how your friends should behave, and when they don't fill those expectations (and why should they?) you then get upset. The best thing to do is to stop having expectations about hoe other people should behave. Then you won't be let down or upset.