Do you more forward from here or not - chappy not sure about his feelings re my DS.

[thesouthsbelle]

ok things now unsettled again with my new guy. Just spent about 45 mins on the blower to him. next weekend is off as apparently he has 'a presentation' again on friday (we were meant to be having a w.e away) am rather upset about it tbh. Hes said to meet on thurs poss b4. But is aware that he's letting me down and also doesn't like disappointing me.

Jist of it is he's not yet sure if he can reconcile his feeling's towards DS/ that I have a child - and when I said that after he tried explaining to me for 5 mins I got the 'here we go' speach. DS is my world (as all our kids are) and while I said to him I hope he reconciles his feelings re me having a child, i'm not fully sure he can. Apparently not even his siblings have dated anyone with a child b4. I asked if this was the reason he's been a bit distant and he said possibly. We carried on talking but now I feel like i'm waiting around to see if he can/can't reconcile with DS. (not that i'm forcing DS on him or ever would)

He also says he's aware of my saying I don't like to be messed about- think that's how he's seen it - but what I actually said was don't like people saying one thing & actually doing another.

I proper like him (as u all know) and apparently he feels the same and say's we're still early days which is right we are but I just don't know anymore. is there a way to help someone reconcile their feelings towards your child?

we've been seeing each other since mid aug, he's stopped at mine i've his etc etc, dates at least twice a week, daily calls/texts etc. (oh and my dogs - who usually HATE everyone ie jump up etc or growl, absolutely love him right from the off)

My head is spinning and I don't know how/where to move forward. Walk away or not.

Should also point out that the nature of ihs job means he goes where the work is and is currently applying for jobs which are about 1.5 hrs drive.

Help!

I know I know, it's just so hard to keep everything in check.

althou tonight i've been out with the girls and he's doing his thing - since 6pm he's text 3 times and rang once.

ultimately I don't like the stress and pressure it's putting on me as I don't know how to act around him atm.

This is why I suggested putting the whole discussion on hold for a month. That gives you, as well as him, time to calm down and think it over, as it seems that the stress of it being undetermined is really getting to you. Give yourself permission to put it on ice for a month. I don't think this does any harm, or gets you into 'game playing' or into anything too deeply that you can't then get out of. If you think he has potential, it's not a long time to press the pause button for. You are doing well so far as he is now chasing you for contact again.

whed it des me as well to a degree - i've already said to him when i'm with my friends i'm with them as he is with his iycwim. I don't ring/text him so in turn don't want him to ring/text me.

the month thing is a good idea yes.

I guess today is the day then really.

guess the space was a bit too much today...

1st text was asking if last night was OK.
2nd text said did I still want to meet tonight
3rd text asked if was ok (with no kiss or anything )

have sent one back saying was in a rush this am, everything was fine and wanted to meet if he did. That's wrong isn't it?

All this texting sounds very juvenile. Why not just phone each other once a day and stop all the nonsense? OK if you're 14 but a bit silly for adults unless you are actually arranging something, otherwise it just seems like meaningless fluff.
A bloke who phoned or texted me several times a day wanting hugs and kisses would strike me as very needy and a bit weird. I like my blokes in the traditional uncommunicative mould. A bloke who loved telephones and texting would make me very uneasy.
I just want lots of passion when they see me.

we text during the day as we're both in work so it's the only way to talk!

he came over he conquered, but is back to calling DS 'your little boy' again still deciding if that actually means anything or not really. prob not.

What else can he call him? He isn't his little boy is he?

exactly whed. he'll ring twice a day as well after work & before bed.

he had started to call DS by his actual name last week, which I think is what also prompted this.

So far thou all seems to be ticking along. (it's not something I want to be talking about all the time with him - just you guys )

Informative texts are fair enough but the poster said her boyfriend kept sending texts asking if she was OK, and moaned there were no kisses which all sounded very teenage to me.

that was my thoughts, and i'll openly admit to being an over thinker!

we had some messages y'day, said he'd call but didn't - prob knew i'd be asleep thou - and he's already been asked once not to ring me so late lol. (23.55!)

meant to be spending today together so we shall see....

ok 1.25 hr phone call with him!!!

he fancies me! when I said do ya really he went well yeah you're gorgeous blush sooo pleased.

on the other hand the same issue (situation) is still unresolved. I've said my bit now fully on it all, offended him as well in the process, but basically said from my POV I had to decide if he was being genuine or if he was being a twat & using this as an excuse - I also appreciated where he was coming from, he said well what if I can't get my head around things - I was like well you know the answer to that one, there's only one option, to which he said hmmm.... Kept saying that it wasn't cos he didn't like me cos he does, and it's 2 separate issues hmm I said I think he's worth it etc which is the thing I was struggling to decide on, but I don't want my thoughts to interfere/influence his choices as would rather he decided on his own his own feelings. He said he appreciated i'd been patient & reasonable about it all He said again he's not been seeing anyone else, he's apparently had texts form people he met b4 me but has always said he's busy to them, like wise on the dating site - same thing replies if they ask him questions about his hockey/home town. Then added he wasn't looking for anyone else, & there was nothing in any of it. So quite happy there, pleased he fancies me thou - he was a bit shocked I didn't know already.

basically as stands thou he knows i'm expecting him to say he can't get his head around things, and have basically said, you do you do you don't you don't. but either way I have a child and nothing's gonna change that. Also talked about future plans He said he wants to get married & have kids int he future, I said possibly I did but not right now as in not in the next 2-3 years. He said would need to think about that as well, but obviously he's wanting to be settled b4 he has kids.

Think the main issue is not so much getting his head around DS, it's getting his head around the fact I have a past where i've been married before with a child and have had that level of commitment.

no further forward really but the air has been cleared I think - the next few days I think will be telling. oh and apparently he dated someone here for 14 months b4, and for a year of that didn't want to be with them, so he says basically it won't happen again so this is why he'd rather think about it all now.

I think he sounds very immature.

He is umming and ahhing about whether he can handle you having a child and having had that level of committment? Well he just bloody well has to doesn't he? You can talk about it all you want, it doesn't change anything, you have a ds who come first and thats it. IMVHO the longer this goes on for the more you will feel as though he is doing you a big, fat favour by "dealing" with the fact that you already have a child if you do end up together.

Quite frankly I would be really pissed off with someone making MY child into such a big deal. Would someone make the fact that you have a Mum into an issue in whether or not they can be with you? Of course not. Your son is not something that needs to be "dealt" with, he should be welcomed and appreciated by the right man, not be a problem that has to be overcome.

Your situation still sounds similar to mine and DH in the early days even down to the conversation you've just had. I echo Sunfleurs opinion that he sounds immature, I would say my DH was immature as well back then.

No advice other than to take it easy and play it by ear. Lots of understanding though.

Thanks dutch it's good to know i'm not the only one going thru/been thru it. I'm trying so hard, but it's good he appriciates that.

I don't know if I said the right thing about thinking he's worth it, I did admitt thou that last week I had been thinking is he genuine or is he being a twat (he took offense) then I added I was thinking if he/this is even worth the hassle which he said was a fair point. which is why I said ultimatly deep down I know he is worth it, and potentially it could be something special (didn't tell him to thefull extent)

He texted about an hour latter saying 'sorry about earlier'

I didn't want to appear that I didn't care but likewise didn't want to appear that it would be the end of my world if he did walk away.

He's said his family know he's seeing someone. To be fair I think he just is really shite with his words. & doesn't explain himself too well. Oh and he said I was clever - hmm.... lol.

On the whole thou it was quite a positive in depth chat. I did get my point across to him, (prob more so that i'm saying here) but managed to do it in a way that hasn't caused any friction.

I did say to him thou that I think he's already made up his mind, and he'll say no, he said really - but then he's a huge pessimist - I said I think about 85% yes you have which is why I'm saying I expect you to walk away.

sun - I did say to him when he asked what if he can't get his head around it, that I would walk away, and wouldn't wait for him down the line.

I would dump him tbh. No more talking about and analysing it, he is "worried" about you having child and seems to be making a right drama out of it. You have only been with him a few months, this is supposed to be fun isn't it.

If this had the potential to be "something special" then I honestly feel he would take you as you are, ds and all. Its all about him isn't it? He is worried, He can't cope with you having a "past", He is not sure how to deal with this, where are you and your ds in all of this. Should it all be so difficult and dramatic at this stage of the game? I have extensive relationship history and ime if a man can't cope with something as big as you having a child they tend to call time pretty quick and move on, this one seems to be making a right meal out of it.

Do you know what, I think I must be really naive but I honestly think when the time comes for me to meet someone else, the right man for me will love and like me so much that he will be really excited about meeting my kids as they are part of me. I know that is how I would feel towards a someone I cared about and their kids.

he's back to being lovely and sweet again.