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Original poster

What would you do?

43 replies

SpanishEyes · 07/06/2005 13:07

Hello, I have been left 1000 pounds by my deseased grandmother, which was supposed to be available to me on my 21st birtday back in january. Together with my mothers inheritance it was put in her bank account (my mothers) on my birthday.

She will not give me this money. I have explained I would like it to take a short holiday but she refuses to give it me and gets very angry, shouts and swears when I even ask for it, and I always end up in tears.

I have two options
*should I just leave it and accept she wont give it to me
OR
*should I take the minibank card out of her purse one day, draw my entitlement out and just leave the house never to return again?

My mother has caused me so much hurt that I am not sure I would like to see her again. She thinks because she ha always bought me things, that she has been there for me, but because she hasn't had time for me, I have OD'd twice in the past few years and also cut my wrists. Which one would you do?
Thanks in advance x

OP posts:
Original poster
SpanishEyes · 07/06/2005 13:08

Oh, and she made me get rid of my child when I was a teenager and when I tell her how much it upset me, she dont care. Thats what a bitch she is.

OP posts:
mancmum · 07/06/2005 13:08

take the money out of the account and then decide where you want relationship to go... it is your money so you get it...

beansmum · 07/06/2005 13:12

I don't think it's a good idea to steal someone's bank card, even if it is your money.

I think you need to forget about the money for now and decide what you want to do about your relationship with your mum. Sort that out and THEN worry about the money.

NomDePlume · 07/06/2005 13:12

Get legal advice.

WigWamBam · 07/06/2005 13:13

Yes, I agree with NDP. See a solicitor, or go and see someone at the Citizen's Advice Bureau.

Original poster
SpanishEyes · 07/06/2005 13:18

She is always horrible to me.....so critical and always putting everyone else before my needs. She also thinks i'm her personal slave, tells me to go to the shop for her, expects me to go get her a parcel from the post office today and when she phoned up and I tells her I havent done it yet because I am still in my PJ's she gets really nasty and puts phone down on me.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpanishEyes · 07/06/2005 13:18

Do you think it would be nasty to turn my back on her forever? I know most mums would be very upset if they never saw their kids again.

OP posts:
noddyholder · 07/06/2005 13:19

Tell hr you will seek legal advice and then she may give it to tou Move out aswell she sounds a nightmare !!

MeerkatsUnite · 07/06/2005 13:21

Spanish Eyes,

I would not suggest either of the two options you propose; certainly not leave this (this is your inheritance, your late grandmother wanted you to have this money!) and as for the second you will be in all likelihood charged with stealing from your Mother's account - a serious offence. Even though that money is yours, its sitting in your Mum's account currently so it would belong to her.

Presumably your late grandmother's estate was handled by a firm of solicitors; I would talk to them in the first instance to decide what action you should take. You need proper legal advice. Another question I would ask you - the money that was going to be given to you on your 21st birthday; did the will document this intention?. Who was the executor, you need to establish this also. You need to talk with them (unless of course the executor was your Mum).

I would ask why this money entitled to yourself was actually placed in your Mother's account in the first place. Presumably this was your Mum's idea?. Another way of controlling you no doubt.

Is there any way you can escape your Mother's clutches for good?. She sounds like a very nasty piece of work.

Original poster
SpanishEyes · 07/06/2005 13:27

The solicitors did handle the will. The executor is my mothers aunt, who is very old fashioned and thinks I'm still a child and going on holiday with it is a waste. But it's what I enjoy and what I want to do and I havent been away since I was 13, nearly 9 yrs ago! So there is no use talking to her.

In regards to threatning legal action, I have done it, she just says 'try it' and says it would cost me more in legal costs than the actual entitlement.

OP posts:
coppertop · 07/06/2005 13:27

If the will stated that the money was to be given to you at 21 then it should never have been put in your mother's account. The executor of the will would have had to sign something to say that they had followed the instructions in the will. If they gave the money to your mother instead then the instructions haven't been followed! Don't take the card but do see the CAB.

Original poster
SpanishEyes · 07/06/2005 13:29

Yes, the will does state it was for me at 21. Is the CAB free?

OP posts:
Gwenick · 07/06/2005 13:30

thinks I'm still a child and going on holiday with it is a waste.

Haven't got any advice on the actual issue (other than talk to the solicitor) but what a stupid woman for saying that about a holiday. For my wedding (5 1/2yrs ago ) in Zimbabwe, we invited a long standing family friend of my parents over (as well as all of my family). Not only did she agree to come but one of her youngest sons (one of twins) had just turned 18 and used the inheritance money he had just be allowed access too (it was left by his dad who died when the twins were really young) and used it fly out to Zimbabwe too, and had a great holiday with it.

lunavix · 07/06/2005 13:39

I really feel for you here, I've been in a similar position. An uncle died when I was small, and left me £5000, which my parents held in trust for me until I was 18.
When I was about 12, they used it (along with their own money) to move us to Australia, but I was obviously too young to really know. When I was about 15 they split up, v. messy didn't talk to my father till last year (about 6 years) and even now it's only because my sister has basically insisted.

I've stayed closer to my mother (barely, she's not a nice person) but we are losing touch because of her disdain for ds.

When I mentioned this money to her, she keeps saying they spent it and if I want it I have to get it off my father as he was left money by his father when he died. She has no money, flat broke. She also keeps reminding me that I frittered away £10000 when I got an inheritance from that same grandfather when I was 18 ( ) true but it was mine to fritter away! She also doesn't know I'm in contact with my father.

I wrote him a letter before we got back in contact asking for it as my sister suggested he'd give it to me but he ignored it and never wrote back. Now we are back in contact I'm not sure how to press the issue, I feel really uncomortable as he obviously knows I know about it because of the letter, he knows I need it (what with renting and a wedding and a young ds and all) but what can I do? Not a lot. Dp is rather p*d off though, he checked our wedding gift list and my father has bought us a present - for £25!!!!

To be fair he did give me £100 for my birthday last year (my 21st) and he gave us either £200 or £500 (can't remember) towards the wedding when he heard, but if this is his idea of paying me back I'd rather be able sort it out myself.

Sorry I've ranted a bit! Either way I suppose they both owe me £2500 but my chances of seeing it are minimal.

Original poster
SpanishEyes · 07/06/2005 13:45

You know, its only a week in Blackpool that I am hoping to go on so not some cruise or luxury exotic holiday, but still she won't give it to me!

Im going to text her now asking if I can have the money for my holiday, will tell you what she says.

OP posts:
lunavix · 07/06/2005 13:59

Don't tell her it's for a holiday! It's your money! Tell her you want it! Doesn't matter if you are spending it on a holiday, stocks and shares or anything, it's yours.

Original poster
SpanishEyes · 07/06/2005 14:02

I have just phoned her and she said no, I am not having it. What the fuck can I do? I am so bleeding angry.

OP posts:
mytwopenceworth · 07/06/2005 14:03

her reaction sounds odd - do you think she has spent it and is scared of the implications of that and is trying to stop you from finding out?

mytwopenceworth · 07/06/2005 14:05

try saying i believe you have spent my money - you could say to her since you believe a crime may have been committed you intend to go to the police......

Original poster
SpanishEyes · 07/06/2005 14:08

I have just phoned her again and told her I wanted it for a relaxing holiday. She said "what for, you've done fucking nothing to even need to relax", but I just said I want my money and she said "I will get it when I go to a bank, which won't be today"

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 07/06/2005 14:10

Don't phone her again, stay calm and contact CAB. Their advice is free.

Original poster
SpanishEyes · 07/06/2005 14:16

Thanks WigWam

OP posts:
Original poster
SpanishEyes · 07/06/2005 15:25

well, I have managed to get her bank card now, after a heated discussion. she was sat on the doorstep and I was asking when she would get it for me. After an hour or so, she said 'go fucking get it', so I said, 'can I get your minibank card out of your purse' and she said 'well how the fuck would you get the money otherwise'. She is so nasty and in such a vile mood right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpanishEyes · 07/06/2005 15:26

I'm wondering if me using the money to go away is really such a good idea now it's casued her to be in the vilest of moods? I'm thinking of going to ask my mums brother if he thinks going away on holiday is a bad idea.

OP posts:
lemonice · 07/06/2005 15:32

Spanish Eyes, I hope you manage to get your money soon - have you considered using it to rent your own accommodation?

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