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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am Sure that MN is better than google - you just need to prove me right...So what do you ladies "do" for your man in the bedroom. Men what do you like your ladies to do?

28 replies

CrapInTheBedroom · 31/08/2009 20:11

So...bit od a hideously long story but DP has told me to use google to come up with some inspiration to improve to pleasure that I give him in the bedroom - especially foreplay.

So...I could google...or I could ask you...and I know that you are a million times better than google. So what REALLY does it for you/r man?

I am apparently very good at a (basic) handjob...but I guess I could probaby do better.

I dislike giving oral, so don't do it very often and DP understands this.

So what else is there. Can I tart up the hand job and add some proverbial bells and whistles?

Any suggestions gratefully received.

OP posts:
thesouthsbelle · 31/08/2009 20:14

ok, hum on the balls whilst giving a hand.

dressing up

althou tbh why has your DP asked you to google it??

CrapInTheBedroom · 31/08/2009 20:16

It is kind of a joke actually...google served him very well in finding my G spot...I don't think he has expected me to actually google it. It was intended as a metaphor but I thought why not?

OP posts:
thesouthsbelle · 31/08/2009 20:22

lol. mnetters are always here to help!!!

failing that I do believe there's a spot inside a mans bum which is nice - dunno thou never tried to find it!

Unlikelyamazonian · 31/08/2009 20:23

He obviously doesn't know himself, otherwise HE would have googled it and told you?

Have you tried here

Squeeze with lemon - very important.

You'll make him squeal

Goober · 31/08/2009 20:26

Tell him to fuck off for speaking to you like that.
Go find somebody nice

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 31/08/2009 20:28

most men are happy if you say 'yes'

CrapInTheBedroom · 31/08/2009 20:29

I think that is probably true amazonian...if he knew what he wanted he would tell me...I guess he wants something new and a surprise.

OP posts:
thesouthsbelle · 31/08/2009 20:29

bannana up his bum should do it then!

mmrsceptic · 31/08/2009 20:31

he might find this helpful

CrapInTheBedroom · 31/08/2009 20:35

TBH I do wnat to do more for him. I am just uninspired. I want to do this...it isn't all as one was as it came across..

OP posts:
whomovedmychocolate · 31/08/2009 20:36

Buy him a playstation

thesouthsbelle · 31/08/2009 20:41

@ sceptic!

KristinaM · 31/08/2009 20:43

mine enjoys toast and a cup of tea in bed

expatinscotland · 31/08/2009 20:45

He told you to google to improve the pleasure you give him?

WTF kind of a L-O-S-A-H is that?

Seriously, he's that friggin' lazy he can't imagine it up and tell you?

Yeah, get a butt plug, dip it in Vaseline, and shove it up his arse whilst pretending to go down on him.

Tell him you read about it on Google and some guys get off on the element of surprise.

LaurieFairyCake · 31/08/2009 20:46

Let him go down on you for half an hour and writhe about enjoying it.

Makes 'em feel like a giant stud

whomovedmychocolate · 31/08/2009 20:48

I've just checked, you can rent hookers online. Perhaps they could provide vocational training

dippymummyto2boys · 31/08/2009 20:49

lol at all the responses! especially thesouthsbelle.

Tortington · 31/08/2009 20:50

pathetic

why not ask him

Unlikelyamazonian · 31/08/2009 20:52

I am worried for him. Does it look like this ?

whomovedmychocolate · 31/08/2009 20:53

MN is not better than Google btw. We're mostly human, Google has a much wider range of life forms. Including pond scum.

Unlikelyamazonian · 31/08/2009 20:54

or this?

whomovedmychocolate · 31/08/2009 21:01

I demand to hear the hideously long story cited by OP

If we are going to judge you and your dolt partner, please give us the facts to do so in an informed manner.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 01/09/2009 10:36

I second shoving something up his bum. I think since he's said 'google it' this is what he wants, but he's embarrassed to say it out loud

Can't you just pop something like a mint/mouthwash/ice in your mouth and do some work that way, then just get out of the way before the volcano erupts? Seems like a winner.

Crablass · 04/09/2009 15:31

Use lube during your handjobs, warm it up and it'll be like you're giving him a BJ.

diddl · 04/09/2009 17:55

Unless he´s about 16, he should know what he likes and be able to tell you.

I also hope the foreplay he gives you "does the job"!