Boyfriend of 4 months is sulking and not answering my calls - am devastated - irrationally so.

[FloodsOfTears]

I have a long distance relationship. I love him deeply - he says he loves me (nd he said it first).

Tonight, I rang him at 9.15, for our usual chat. But 10 minutes later a friend of mine poped in and I told him I had to go - at which point he got really abrupt and said, ok, go. Bye then. Everything I said after that got met with "Bye then". Rang him back ten minutes later, told him I'd ring him when she had left, he told me not to bother as he was going to bed, stop being antisocial and go and talk to my friend.

Tried to ring him to say goodnight at 11 - he put the phone down on me without speaking to me. Tried a few times, in case he lost signal - has been known to happen - phone repeatedly switched off. SO I haven;'t bothered again.

What if this is it? What if he never wants to see me again, or speak to me - what if he won't answer his phone tomorrow or the next day or the next day? What if this is me being dumped?

I'm utterly miserable. I absolutely adore this man and he's being so so mean and I don't know why. PLEASE help me put some perspective on this.

yes, I did. I know NOW that I did. I thought it was fairly clear in my OP that I suspected this might be the case.

Isn't that what most of the questions about new relationships are? Big fat fusses over nothing?

Floods - does he know you're on MN?

Sure. Well, fuss over nothing or not, I felt sorry for her, and thought her distress (whether justified or not) was genuine, hence sympathy.

Sometimes people get things out of perspective, particularly if they have low self-esteem. The OP thought she might be overreacting and asked people for a bit of clarity. Personally, I don't think she needs to be rapped over the knuckles. But hey, each to their own

There's something about a new relationship, especially if one has been treated badly, that makes one feel insecure and a jolt back to being 14 years old, waiting for a call and wondering, 'does he like me?'

when you are more secure in the relationship, you will be able to communicate better/more and say what you're thinking.

oh dear, what a lot of histrionics about nothing

yeah, but he actually hung up didn't he at one point?

dunno...

/remains unconvinced by the whole shebang

histrionics

'tis a good word

I shall endeavour to use it more...

< muses >

oo ta, shiney

Ok gals no need to carry on...point made I think.

OP - it sounds, re reading the first post, as though you and he BOTH may have some rejection issues. It may well come down to who has the biggest issues, out of you both.

If you can manage to squeeze in some private time together, and have an actual deep discussion about why you both worry that the other one doesn't want to talk to you, etc etc, it might help sort it out - otherwise it's possible it could become one of those relationships where he doesn't let you go out without him, or see your friends, or is horrid to them when they come round or something. I imagine those patterns start like this. His overreacting to your saying you had a friend there and had to go. It's possible he is setting it all up as a 'she lives miles away so I can't trust her' kind of thing, and will go on to get suspicious about your activities and convince himself you're unfaithful or such leaving him in a position to justify some nastiness or anger towards you (or worse).

Thinkign ahead here and it may not be like thatat all - but keep it in mind.
Good luck x

still really childish of him to put phone down on her. He surely must have an inkling of her insecurities, and knew surely that being nasty would upset.

Op you reacted more out of surprise and hurt, and i get that you find it hard to trust.

keep an eye on you and how this is making you feel, and start to recognise patterns in yourself and in him. it may or may not work out, but don't put your whole happiness in his hands. its too fragile.

He is a controlling man. Don't contact him Ever! If you went on to live with this man, your friend wouldn't be popping round to see you because he would sulk and manipulate you until you list all contact with friends.

I know you really love him and he probably told you he really loves you but controlling men are very intense and manipulating. Listen to your gut feeling and not your head cus when your desperately in love it distorts your judgement.

Zombie thread

Ok, not read all the replies but he sounds very much like my ex, to the letter in fact, and if that is the case then my advice would be to run very, very fast in the opposite direction. He sounds like a controlling, petty, nasty piece of work and based upon my own experience it will escalate very quickly, he'll be loving how he's made you feel, it's exactly what he wants. He's relying on your panicking and being upset, that way when he deigns to speak to you again you'll be so grateful that he's doing so that you'll take the 'blame' for his appalling behaviour and he'll get away with more next time. It's a testing of boundaries if you like, he's just making sure he's got you exactly where he wants you.

And don't be fooled by how nice he's been previously, my ex was wonderful, couldn't do enough for me. Caring, kind, told me he loved me all the time and I was the best thing that had ever happened to him etc. At the end of the day it all counts for so much shit. In my ex's case he didn't mean any of it, it was all to get me exactly where he wanted me and I repeatedly justified his controlling, abusive behaviour because he 'could be so lovely'. I know how hard it is, trust me, but he's playing a game and you're falling for it. Don't. From my own experience it's a downhill slide from the moment they start to show their true colours.

I know this is a zombie thread, but would SO love the OP to return and say where this relationship went- my guess is that the wise posters had it spot on and this one only got worse....

Ooooh yes, I would like to know what the outcome of this was!

Mandymand - out of interest, where/how did you find this thread?

This is how my last relationship ended. TBH I was a bit of a knob but knew it and was deeply sorry. He ignored my texts, calls etc and I found the dumping email on facebook. I did feel like I was being punished for being 'a bit of a knob' and basically I think being ignored is very cruel...it hurts so much. Best off out op.

ooopps...just realised how old this thread is!