Floods,
Pic is right, Anyfucker is right, she's not trying to give you a pasting, she's actually beingkind - though I'd be upset too.
You are giving me shivers because I was where you are when I joined MN a few years ago...I'd been with a man I knew for about a month, he as lovely, kind, sweet, I thought I'd found someone 'normal' and thought I was falling in love. (cringing now!)
One night my mobile was broken and I went and got another, so that he wouldn't think I was ignoring him (not sure why I got the idea he would), anyway it was charging and I couldn't get a signal. I'd rung him on the landline explaining this, then took ds to bed, was lying next to him trying to get him to sleep (he was nearly 3 and just starting in his own bed, wouldn't go off for hours sometimes)
The landline rang (about 10pm) and it was a very shouty, drunk, angry sounding boyfriend, who proceeded to demand that I get ds out of bed, and take him round to his house, because he 'missed' me and needed me to prove I loved him it turned out he thought the phone being broken was a lie and I was trying to dump him
anyway I was really upset, said no way, ds is just going to sleep, I'm not waking him up to go to your house across town. I'd never encountered this side of boyfriend so was pretty shocked he thought this about me, I was fairly committed even a month in. I'd also known him vaguely for years and everyone said he was nice (well mostly)
So, I kept saying 'don't be so silly, I'll call you in the morning'. Eventually I can't remember if I hung up or what, but I went to bed.
About 12 I woke up, to a funny sound - there were pebbles being chucked at my window. It was him. He was prancing around outside sticking stolen flowers into my hedge and shouting he loved me. He left a heap of gravel outside the front door with some more stolen flowers from someone's garden, then cycled off into the night.
I was SO freaked out by this display of utter madness that I rang the police to ask them to stand by in case he came back - I'd no idea what he was capable of, or doing - luckily he didn't come back agian but I sat all night shaking in case he did.
Next day he rang and apologised after I had a go at him. It was so unbelievably strange that I decided to pretend it hadn't happened, because it didn't make sense.
However, he never really was sorry, he said he wanted me to know how much he loved me and it was my fault for making excuses with the phone. (of course!)
He began then a campaign of control. He would come round and SULK on my sofa. He would constantly criticise my parenting, and behave as though ds was a total threat to him. He was basically highly fucked up, jealous of my child, told me how awful my clothes were, how his kids (when I was finally allowed to meet them) were 'disgusted' with the fact I hadn't brushed my hair (I had, but it was windy) and then still in denial about his real nature, and thinking i must be the unreasonable one, I got pregnant.
Then it REALLY started to go badly wrong.
I won't go into detail now but he was appalling, horrible, cruel and very mean.
It was only when my mother came round after he'd rung, and found me crying again, and BEGGED me to leave him that I finally felt I had permission to give up on the father of my child. the emotional abuse was awful but nobody said I could leave, and I felt so stupid. This was roughly 7 months into a relationship and already I was a wreck.
He briefly made efforts to get me to see sense, as he called it, and 'what exactly did he do that was so bad?' etc etc but since ds2 was born he has not been round once. I stopped taking the shit, basically, and he went off to sulk and/or find some one else to bully.
Floods - I am just like you, have no idea how to react properly to stuff because I have no baseline idea of normal. (i prob have aspergers too, fwiw - just realised a few months ago)
Be kind to yourself because this guy certainly isn't worth your tears. PLEASE don't talk to him again. Don't just ay 'oh I thought you'd gone to sleep' because he'll interpret that as you trying to gloss over what is patently NOT ON. He's think he's got away with treating you like crap.
I am guessing he ahs a controlling mother. He certainly has a problem with women.
Heis a knob.
HE IS a knob. I'm telling you this and I want you to get angry, right now, that someone has dared to treat you like that, and blow him off completely.
Let us know how you get on. (futurewise - I don't know how to find someone nice, but I think I might need counselling or at least to resign myself to a while without a relationship - as I choose wankers, too, and would rather be single than do that again)