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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My date for tomorrow night just textedd to say 'just so you know i am still trying to get out of something so i can see you tomorrow night'.... ARRRGGGHHHHH

63 replies

cheekysealion · 14/08/2009 22:08

To me that means dont really want to see you and i have had a better offer...

saw him about 4 times last month, he was full on then we had planned to spend weekend together he texted me the day before to cancel... didnt hear from him for 3 weeks until last friday... when he texted and called me.. said he cancelled before because he was getting scared of how he was feeling about me?? but he really thinks we could be good together etc etc... he then asked me to meet him tomorrow...

and now this

I dont know what to think now.. to me he should have sorted stuff out without me knowing about it and carried on with our plans or maybe i am being selfish

OP posts:
Hassled · 14/08/2009 22:10

He's playing silly games. Life really is too short and I'm sure you can do better. It should be fun, not a bloody mind game.

Rindercella · 14/08/2009 22:15

Nope, I don't think you are being selfish at all. You are setting your expectations at the correct level - why should be made to feel like he's had a better offer?

Sorry, it doesn't sound very promising. You are worth much more than that.

juicychops · 14/08/2009 22:17

sounds like he is hinting at you to say 'oh dont go to any trouble, no need to cancel your plans'.

like hassled said, life is too short

Original poster
cheekysealion · 14/08/2009 22:31

i hate not knowing what my plans are and what i am doing....

feel like saying ok go wherever... and that will be it then the chances have gone

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 14/08/2009 23:01

said he cancelled before because he was getting scared of how he was feeling about me??

That alone is enough to bin him off. Any man who really likes you will want to see you. If he doesn't want to see you he either - doesn't really like you enough and is stringing you along, possibly dating other people at the same time (very possible) or - has big emotional issues.

Either way - I'd text him and tell him not to bother. Ever. That was a very weird thing to write, he's setting you up to cancel on you for some reason and I don't think you should stick around to find out what.

Personally, I'd text him and say 'look, don't worry about it, if you have something more important do to then do it', if he has a genuine something going on and really likes you he'll call to explain, if not - meh.

brimfull · 14/08/2009 23:05

I agree with kat

text him and tell him to bog off

YanknCock · 14/08/2009 23:06

Does sound like he's setting it up so he can cancel at the last minute. Also, he sounds like a knob who has no respect for your time. I'd text him and say 'don't bother, I've got other things to do'.

IdontliveinaYurt · 14/08/2009 23:06

To me that message makes it sound as if he is married/living with someone

"something to get out of" -sounds to me like another woman

I would ditch he sounds annoying

mamas12 · 14/08/2009 23:09

Grrrr text he can come if he wants to but you've had a better offer

aseriouslyblondemoment · 15/08/2009 00:23

wtf?!
NEXT!!!!

SolidGoldBrass · 15/08/2009 01:23

Yup, another vote for dumping him. Fairly strong indicators of 'married man' tbh and if that's not the answer, the others are
a)'Mental twat with bizarre issues so you will have to spend a lot of time listening to him whine on about what his therapist said'
b) 'nasty manipulator who wants to see just how desperate you are and how many hoops you will jump through for a sniff of his willy'
c) 'bloke who is dating/texting/emailing a variety of women and picking the best offer on any given night'. This is the least awful possibility if you have not actually made any agreements with each other about monogamy, but given the stuff about being frightened of his own feelings (is he frightened of his own nose? his own willy?) it's sadly the least likely option.

dollius · 15/08/2009 07:59

Another vote for "don't bother, I've got other things to do" here.

What a waste of your time.

warthog · 15/08/2009 09:16

tbh i just wouldn't reply. at all. leave him hanging and don't waste anymore time on him.

Original poster
cheekysealion · 15/08/2009 10:20

I did text him last night.. to say i need to know... and he replied he would let me know this am...
but he is sure to cancel like you say he has set it up to cancel.. if he cancels do i reply?? need your help girls for something cutting or maybe i will ignore him...

I am 99% sure he is not married having spent lots of time at his home. and i know someone he works with in same office...

he is just a Twit...

OP posts:
Lizzylou · 15/08/2009 10:23

Is he a football fan?
The Premiership starts today......

Original poster
cheekysealion · 15/08/2009 10:24

did think of that he loves footie... but his team play tomorrow!! but guess that means nothing

OP posts:
Kitsilano · 15/08/2009 10:30

"He's just not into you"...

aseriouslyblondemoment · 15/08/2009 10:34

why on earth did you text him?
you're allowing yourself to be treated badly here
if you have any ounce of self respect you'll have nothing more to do or say to this man
sorry to sound harsh here but if he was interested nothing would stop him from seeing you and a time/date would have been fixed and without a 3 week lapse in the meantime
please stop over analysing this he is not worthy of your headspace!

Lizzylou · 15/08/2009 10:34

Perhaps his mates team plays today, or he wants to watch the new Match of the Day tonight?
Stranger things have happened!
If he does cancel, I'd just count it as a lucky escape, at this stage he should be going all out to impress you, not cancelling with daft excuses.
Go out with your friends and have agood time anyway

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 15/08/2009 10:37

Argh - that text last night will have just fed his ego! Text him and tell him to bugger off. Once he knows he can keep you dangling then he will do it every time - do you fancy spending every Friday in a state wondering if he's going to bother gracing you with his presence?

He's a twat and you can do better.

Original poster
cheekysealion · 15/08/2009 12:06

thanks all i needed that good shake.. I will not reply when he texts me... you are all right we should be at the exciting stage and this is def not exciting at the mo

so what do i do if he says he can see me????

OP posts:
fabnewlife · 15/08/2009 12:08

Tell him thanks but no thanks and that you are not prepared to wait on his texts as to when or if he can see you.

PuppyMonkey · 15/08/2009 12:09

Tell him you've had a better offer.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 15/08/2009 12:24

ignore and don't reply

mrsboogie · 15/08/2009 12:28

please text him and really casually say something, sorry - have been made an offer I can't refuse for tonight - will have to cancel I'm sure you will understand, too good to pass up on.

that way you are getting in first and making it clear that he was no big deal.

do it!

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