is incest neccessarily always bad?... sorry this is sensitive.

[namechanging2008]

been told today that some very close family members are involved in a relationship.

i started off thinking my god this is so wrong, but feel they talked me round.

sorry for namechange, im totally at sea now.

they are very closely related, same age, both consensual, both determined their love will be enough, they know it means they cant have children.

i cant believe it. they want my support.

i dont know what to do.

i want to tell them its ok, but is it?

[aRLcat]

Yes, sibling incest is legal in both France and Sweden with Sweden appearing to be the even more accommodating.

I haven't yet found stipulations regarding other familial relationships but given siblings are genetically closest, I would imagine other incestuous relationships are also legal.

[ilovemydogandmrobama]

So, mother/son and father/daughter would be legal?

[BitOfFun]

This BBC article gives some idea as to the legalities. Interesting.

[whomovedmychocolate]

ilovemydogandobama - oedipal incest is illegal everywhere I believe. But I'm willing to bet it happens more frequently than you'd imagine.

OP - I think whatever you say or do this will play out in it's own time. Don't judge them as a couple but as individuals behaving as individuals. Perhaps in a month or so they will decide it's a passing thing, perhaps they won't. If they don't I doubt you will see them much as they'll probably want to start again somewhere else where they are not known. Think you've probably all had a shitty time being judged all your lives without us all barrelling in (even if you did invite it).

[aRLcat]

No idea ilovemydog, I was trying to proffer suggestions to the OP specific to her and her siblings specific situation

The perception and definition of 'incest' varies wildly but within Europe, parent/child sexual relationships are considered abusive.

I would suggest if you have any particular interest in the general moral attitudes, sociological views or law of parent/child sexual relationships, that you research such points yourself!

[namechanging2008]

so sorry, been settling DS and trying to make sense of it all.

thank you all so much for responding.

my loyalties lie with my family. they arent hurting anyone except themselves, surely?.

i am maybe unconventional in my views but am trying so hard to find if it is wrong, they seem so happy. just had a text from my sister saying they love me and they are sorry if they have hurt me.

they are both such amazing people.

sorry not had chance to follow links, i will do so in the morning when my head is clearer.

[namechanging2008]

i think the biggest thing is im worried they will be hurt by this, what people will say. or they'll let each other down somehow.

[paisleyleaf]

I used to know someone who found out as an adult that his parents were brother and sister.
(He did have some mild learning difficulties and mental health problems)
That relationship never ran it's course or fizzled out.
I don't know about counselling, it can be hard enough when you know you've got a problem and feel you might benefit from it.
The siblings in the relationship don't think they've got a problem.

[ilovemydogandmrobama]

aRL- I was querying your statement that 'other incestuous relationships also being legal..'

[namechanging2008]

you're right paisley, they dont think it is a problem, but thats probably because they dont know what "normal" is, im not sure if i do in my heart either.

i think im so worried that its eggs all in one basket for them both. every thing else has gone wrong for them, if this doesnt work then how will they feel, about themselves, each other?

sorry everything is spinning in my head, think i need to get some sleep.

[aRLcat]

ilovemydog, if you required clarification about anything I have said you were fully capable of looking it up yourself, I presume?

Please don't intentionally misquote what I have or haven't said!

I'm not quite sure what you are trying to draw me into or why but my posts were a genuine attempt to make suggestions which may have been of use to the OP and her siblings.

I'm not particularly interested in a discussion with you, nor do I feel the need to justify any statement you choose to fabricate

[BitOfFun]

aRLcat, not trying to be rude, but it's normal enough to ask for clarification (it's just more fun and chatty apart from anything else than taking time off the boards to go off and google) - it seems to me that you have bitten ilovemydog's head off rather, and she didn't seem to be inviting it, IMO.

[aRLcat]

BoF, I wasn't particularly interested in feeding someone else's sense of fun via chat about the OP's situation which I can't for one minute imagine is fun for her.

I proffered a suggestion which was queried, taken out of context then queried again followed by misquoting and further querying.

Amidst heartfelt and genuine posts from OP and others I feel stating my preference not to be drawn into such a discussion is quite appropriate, thanks.

[edam]

namechanging, I'd give them the information about genetic sexual attraction and ask them to think about it.

OK, they may have good reasons based on past experience to shy away from counsellors or figures of authority. But it is worth them knowing they are not alone, and that there is more going on here than merely happening to fall in love.

[BitOfFun]

ok aRLcat- I thought what you posted was interesting, I just thought that you'd over-reacted is all.

[Mumcentreplus]

I'm not into the close family sexual/romantic relationships.. sorry..cousins,siblings,aunts & uncles,nephews and nieces..they have a tendancy to fall in love especially if they did not grow up together..they substitute sibling/relative love for romantic love..they are attracted to each other because they are alike..they are family

[dizietsma]

I think it's fine, so long as there's no abuse and it didn't start when they were both kids. Certainly not my cup of tea, but none of my business what two consenting adults do in private, as far as I'm concerned.

I'd be cautiously, very cautiously happy that they were happy. I think it's likely that it wont last, but if it does, and it's a healthy relationship in every other way, then why shouldn't they enjoy the happiness they find together? Consensual adult incest is a victimless crime IMO. It's a massive taboo, and they will face many challenges from transgressing it, but that's their choice to make.

[clemette]

What dizietsma said.
Was wondering about the practicalities - will they hide it from outsiders? It is not unusual for siblings to live together so there is no real reason why other people would need to know I suppose.
Senidng you best wishes because it must be a lot for you to deal with.

[regal]

hi all just joined up, read all the messages on this subject and i think you's r being really nice and supportive of namechange, me too, my heart bleeds for her, but i cannot believe some people are actually saying its fine,,,, eh! longs they dont have children and they rnt hurting anyone !!!!!...... no it is not fine

[LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune]

Just because something is illegal and people find it disgusting that doesn't make it wrong.

As far as I am concerned as long as I didn't think there was any abuse or advantage it wouldn't bother me to find out a couple are brother and sister, as I don't have any brothers I can't really comment about how I would feel if it was within my own family.

[namechanging2008]

thanks so much everyone for all your messages. I understand both views, ie. its wrong and also its ok if they're not hurting anyone.

i've thought long and hard about it all night. this is not something they themselves havent thought long and hard about and agonised over. i cant imagine the courage it must have taken to tell me.

i love them. i want them to be happy.

i've asked to see them again today to talk.

just what im going to say i dont know.

[lisad123]

Idont think they will ever be accepted, twins having a relationship I dont agree with it, especially when you think how many people have to give up their "love" for someone because of moving away, jobs, its wrong ect. They are in for a huge shock and a bumpy ride.

[namechanging2008]

but what makes you say you dont agree with it lisad... because its socially unacceptable?

[ScaredOfCows]

They have clearly made their decision, so you being supportive or not won't change that aspect of it. So with that in mind, being supportive can only make it easier for you and for them, and is probably the only way that you can continue to have a close relationship with them.

The practicalities of their situation are mind bogling, but presumably that have thought very long and very hard about how to present to the world.

For what its worth, I think you are being great about it. You are clearly putting your love for them as your siblings above all else, giving them unconditional love in other words. They are very lucky people to have that from you.

[Doha]

Namechanging they are lucky to have you for a sister, you so obviously love them both so much.
I think you do know deep down what you are going to say because you want them to be happy. Support them in what ever way you can and if it all goes pear shaped be there for them to pick up the pieces.

I dont envy the position you are in and you must be torn between whats "right" and what makes them happy

Sending you my love for this afternoon.