is incest neccessarily always bad?... sorry this is sensitive.

[namechanging2008]

been told today that some very close family members are involved in a relationship.

i started off thinking my god this is so wrong, but feel they talked me round.

sorry for namechange, im totally at sea now.

they are very closely related, same age, both consensual, both determined their love will be enough, they know it means they cant have children.

i cant believe it. they want my support.

i dont know what to do.

i want to tell them its ok, but is it?

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

incest is bed because it is normally abuse. that is very bad. It is considered bad by society. It is something we are programmed to hate in order to avoid genetic problems caused by repeated close breeding (I think).

It's a very well known that siblings who have not grown up together can be attracted to one another. If this happens they might strike up a relationship. The intensity of their feelings can confuse and overwhelm them.

[BitOfFun]

Well the link is there so you can find out. Might help, you need to know more about it.

[Jaquelinehyde]

Twins? Then no it really isn't ok.

It must be very upsetting and confusing for everyone involved.

[MaggieBeauVirgo]

GSA is an inappropriate sexual attraction to a newly discovered relative.

These twins were brought up together?

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

Seriously? Why is it okay?

GHU.

[lljkk]

Did they grow up together or were they separated for large part of their childhood?

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

On so many levels wrong... I feel bad for them, they are going to invite ALOT of abuse and ridicule if it ever got out.

[NorkyButNice]

Personal anecdote (not of incest so don't worry).

Last month my half-brother who I'd never met before came to stay for a couple of nights (I was given up for adoption by our mother before he was born).

The "energy" between us was the strangest thing I've ever experienced - there was a definite attraction, and a spark that would normally be tempered the years of sibling exposure and rivalry.

If I weren't a happily married lady then I can well imagine that something could occur if we spent time getting to know each other (and had a few drinks).

[MaggieBeauVirgo]

Well, maybe they will get it out of their system. It will run its course, like a 'normal' relationship. I suppose telling them not to makes them feel even more of a unit.

Namechange2008, if this is your own brother and sister, and I gather as much, then I really feel for you...

[namechanging2008]

no we were all separated, we had periods of being together, when my mum could handle it but it was infrequent and disjointed. mostly we all lived apart, but did see each other now and again, recently (last 5 years) we've been in touch more.

hecate... its definitely is not abuse, they are both strong minded and very clear about what they want.

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

GSA is genetic sexual attraction. it's very well known. Look at BOF's post - she has a link.

Are they wrong? well, it is illegal and people are disgusted by it. This is likely to make life very hard for them. they will have to live a lie won't they? The pressure of this will tear them apart in the end and leave them worse than they are now.

They are perhaps drawn together by their past? are they both very damaged people? Perhaps they could be helped by counselling?

[DollyPS]

doesnt matter its wrong and they can get into trouble with the law if others know of this.

[MaggieBeauVirgo]

Norkybutnice, there was a woman on rollercoaster forum recently whose husband traced his birth mother, and to start off with all was fabulous. Then he met his half-sister and he ended up admitting to his wife that he had sexual feelings for his new sister. He was confused about that, and angry at himself, taking it out on his poor wife, who had done her best to support him through long journey to find birth mother. It was all very sad. But, reading the links that were posted to support that girl on rollercoaster, I think what her husband was going through was almost inevitable I now believe that.

[namechanging2008]

thanks maggie... i feel like ive let them down, im the eldest.

norky... thats really interesting, why do you think you felt like that if you dont mind me asking.

i feel so rubbish, they were so happy and i was so shocked.

[Doha]

Oops

Very taboo in our culture

BUT

life is short-they are hurting nobody--no chance of offspring.

At risk of being flamed----

Let them be

[ilovemydogandmrobama]

It's illegal for them to marry, but not sure what the position is for them to have a relationship? Morally wrong, but not sure about legally?

Definitely morally a taboo subject, and think that initially there were reasons why close relations couldn't/shouldn't marry and reproduce. Genetics is one of them, but also that it is repugnant that a family unit where the love of a brother/sister mother/father is pure and non sexual, it would be horrifying to enter any other sort of relationship into the close family unit.

As they grew up apart, there's probably still a deep love for each other. There are stories about twins who have been apart since birth and despite never living with the other, mirror each other as far as characteristics.

They are confusing a love for each other with sex. It's difficult, but you have to emphasize that it's wrong for them to have a sexual relationship.

[BitOfFun]

There was a utting Edge documentary on it that you may be able to find online. I note that criminal prosecution may ensue from this link, so perhaps you should arm yourself with some facts if they want you to help them?

[MaggieBeauVirgo]

namechanging2008, I'd say find out as much as you can about it. If you stop short of supporting them, then don't go the other way either.

I'd advise them against sterilisation or a vasectomy!! What's wrong with pill and condoms?

Even if they do absolutely love eachother, the pressures of having a taboo secret, being unable to have children.. it may cause problems in the relationship.

If they have both had a chaotic upbringing (sorry), then, maybe, maybe, they can give eachother the security and a kind of supersaturation of family love for a few years.

I'll admit I don't know but I don't think it is necessarily definitely bad bad bad iykwim.

[BitOfFun]

Cutting Edge, sorry!

[BitOfFun]

Life imprisonment, it says, is a possibility under the law.

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

ilove - sex with a sibling is illegal.

[Doha]

Norky-l could have written your post myself--it is so scaringly identical to my situation.
The initial meeting and attraction hit me like a thunderbolt....

I couldn't understand why until l heard about GSA.

[MaggieBeauVirgo]

Very true Dittany. They would have the same conditioning about incest as everybody else. It must be distressing for them. I think if they can put that aside, then nobody else could talk them out of it.

[namechanging2008]

thanks for replies, sorry DS just woken up, have to go and settle him.

will read more replies.

quickly... they have had chaotic upgbringing, ive never seen them so happy as today.

they definitely know they will not have children (this may be because of what happened to us tho they love my DS).

i just would like to know WHY it is wrong? for them, i mean. i want them to be happy. there is no one else close who would be affected apart from my mother and she is sectioned now and has never been a positive influence in our lives.