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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friendship is going down the pan and I don't know why

79 replies

rickman · 15/05/2005 22:04

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sallystrawberry · 15/05/2005 22:08

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Gobbledigook · 15/05/2005 22:08

How strange. I don't know - I had a friend who just suddenly lost interest after we'd been really close. We were really good friends for a few yrs and though me having ds1. When I was pg with ds2 she was pg with her dd1. We were still close all through our pregnancies but after the babies were born she would just never be around to meet up, always busy (but I knew she didn't really have any other mummy friends). I kept emailing now and then but her replies were always really short and abrupt. I got the distinct message she wanted me to leave her alone so that's what I've done and that was 2.5 yrs ago

It's really, really odd - it doesn't affect my everyday life - I've got tons of friends and a great network of them with children, but I do every now and then wonder what on earth happened there. It's like I need 'closure'! I can't remember doing anything to upset her and she wasn't backwards in coming forwards so she'd have told me.

If i were you, if I happened to see this friend I'd bring it up - just take a deep breath and tell her you are upset by the impression you are getting that she doesn't want to know you, have you done something to upset her. If you don't see her (like I didn't with my friend) just leave it and put it down to a bad experience

beansprout · 15/05/2005 22:09

Sorry to hear this rickman. Some people just like to be best friends very quickly and then they back off. Not sure why they do it, but it happens. Sorry that she isn't brave enough to just be honest with you.

hunkermunker · 15/05/2005 22:09

I would be tempted to ask her if there's a problem - non-confrontationally, just a kind of "I'd noticed you didn't seem very happy lately and I wondered if I could do anything?"

fireflyfairy2 · 15/05/2005 22:10

Is there any chance you could ask her what she thinks you have done to upset her?

Has she children of her own? I know my SIL hasnt any kids and this is the reason she doesnt talk to me anymore
I know its not the easiest thing to do but you need to know what her problem is! Do you think there may be something going on in her personal life at the minute that is making her act like this? good luck whatever you decide to do about it.

hunkermunker · 15/05/2005 22:11

You don't have a mutual friend who's stirring, do you?

Original poster
rickman · 15/05/2005 22:15

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Original poster
rickman · 15/05/2005 22:15

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hunkermunker · 15/05/2005 22:18

I hope you don't have a mutual friend stirring - don't give it another thought either.

It sounds like you may have hit the nail on the head with the deserving cause thing - some people are just plain odd. Alternatively, there's another reason she's not happy to discuss with you - has she not got a son and you have? Could that be it?

Original poster
rickman · 15/05/2005 22:20

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hunkermunker · 15/05/2005 22:21

That's a tricky one, Rickman - I'm not sure what to suggest. Do you think she'd blank your children?!

Original poster
rickman · 15/05/2005 22:23

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mytwopenceworth · 15/05/2005 22:34

I dont know how to put this without coming across bad. you said that at one time she couldnt do enough for you and she has been a great support and has leant you money etc? Now I can tell from your posts how grateful you are for her friendship and that it means a lot to you and from what you have said, you would love to pay her back in some way and be there for her. But, perhaps she doesnt know this? Could it be that she feels that she has given and you have taken and the friendship has been one way. I am NOT saying that is how is HAS been, or being nasty in any way - I want to be quite clear on this to avoid giving offence!!!! but it is possible that SHE feels this, do you think?

Original poster
rickman · 15/05/2005 22:39

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Pruni · 15/05/2005 22:41

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Original poster
rickman · 15/05/2005 22:44

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charliecat · 15/05/2005 22:44

I would think that someones said to her that youve said something nasty about her/her kids whatever.
Cant think why she would drop you so quickly, or jealously?
ARRRRGGHHH arent people funny sometimes?

mytwopenceworth · 15/05/2005 22:45

I hope I didnt offend you rickman, i wasnt making assumptions about you at all, just maybe something going on in her head that hadnt occurred to you, (people can be funny sometimes)but from last post sounds like youve made all the effort to let her know, like you say not a lot more you can do if she wont talk to you. suppose all you can do is tell her you care and you will be there for her when she is ready to tell you whats the matter, then leave it at that.

mytwopenceworth · 15/05/2005 22:46

could be anything really, from jealous of your sofa, to thinks you fancy her husband, if she wont talk......

Pruni · 15/05/2005 22:47

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Original poster
rickman · 15/05/2005 22:48

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rickman · 15/05/2005 22:49

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MarsLady · 15/05/2005 22:51

I had a friend who stopped being a friend when I no longer "needed" her. When our relationship went onto a level pegging she didn't like it. I also had another friendship end when I was no longer "needed". I felt as though she had taken all that she could from me and then suddenly she was telling lies about me and not talking to me. It hurt a lot, but I moved on because I have lots of friends. I have a best friend, but that is a recent thing. I don't know what to say Rickman except for the fact that sometimes people just move on or away and they don't take us with them. I'm sorry that you've lost a good friend and I really hope that it is only a temporary thing.

charliecat · 15/05/2005 22:51

Hmmm...could you ask her, say youve noticed shes been avoiding you and youdd like a straight answer? Poop in my pants at the thought of it, but you might be braver

charliecat · 15/05/2005 22:52

P.S get on my nonsmoking thread, dont avoid it, join it!