Living in an extended family

[Extended]

When friends find out that I am living as part of an extended family I always get asked lots of questions about how marriages and family life work in this "unusual" setting. Write a daily blog they said, so I did. Post it every day to mumsnet they said, so I did.

But zero, nil, zilch interest shown

No comments, no sign that anybody reads it. Are my family too unusual to be of interest?

Not unusual for me. I lived in an extended family for 8 years. I haven't come across your thread about your extended family, which is why I haven't posted anything.

Sorry never heard or seen your blog.

What is so unusual about your family that you "blogged" it ?

Extended, how did you market your blog? I'm sure, had I heard about it through MN, or other mainstream media then I surely would've picked it up and read about it and indeed responded with comments.

sorry I don't understand why your friends thought people would find it so interesting. Is your family full of colourful personaliteis?

The blog is of course fairly new because I have only just understood the technology involved. My daughter is also blogging from the perspective of the youngsters.

diana-livinginaextendedfamily.blogspot.com/

and

mumsnet.com/blogs/extended/

By way of background:
I live with my husband Richard and daughters Dawn and Diana. Diana who got married last year to Paul and they both work in the National Health Service and they live with us. Also sharing the house are my sister Clara and Brother-in-Law Mike plus their two children Helen and Sue. Helen and Sue are both in their 20?s and are respectively an IT professional and a teacher. To complicate matters Mike and I had a long term sexual relationship before Richard was on the scene and Mike and I remain very close and are what you might call ?best friends?.

Not really your typical nuclear family!

I would advise you not to post such identifiable details such as names and professions on a public website.

I see you are also popping up on various threads to bring attention to your "blog" and your "unusual" family.

You are coming across as rather strange.

Err, I would prefer unusual rather than strange. One comes across a somewhat critical while the other is more statistical.

And there was me promising not to sound like a teacher. Nash teeth.

Well I have my brother living with us atm and he is doing my head in so I take my hat off to you.Do you ever get any peace/privacy?

I didn't realise you could blog on Mumsnet.

Sounds interesting, though I must admit my overriding reaction to reading your post above was 'poor Richard'.

Sounds to me as though you're just advertising your blog rather than having a valid query here

This all sounds very made-up to me.... someone is trying to pitch a sitcom or a novel by making a blog first and advertising it widely so they get lots of hits?

Maybe its like you see on reality shows - 'All my friends told me to enter, they said im a great singer etc etc' when really they are just trying to spare the feelings of the poor person that sings like a drowning cat?

I think some folk are being very unkind in this thread. It can take a lot of bravery to post about an unusual lifestyle and if people start to feel inhibited about doing so even in mumsnet.com then I think we should all feel a degree of disappointment.

We read all sorts of (true) stories on this site but if there is one that doesn't ring true we are at liberty to ignore it. What I don't think is OK is to attempt to openly cast doubts on the morals, motives or methods of other members.

I know of at least two groups broadly similar to that described in this thread except they have sons so cannot be exactly the same folk. Seems fair enough to me.

Perhaps "extended" has been a bit overenthusiastic in promoting her blog but I gather she is new to the group so let's cut her a bit of slack. Please

Im not saying that it isnt true - just trying to explain why she hasnt had so much interest.

BottySpottom wrote ?Sounds interesting, though I must admit my overriding reaction to reading your post above was 'poor Richard'.?

Why so?

Richard is surrounded by people that he loves and that love him. He works at a job he enjoys and is good at. The multiple income streams that an extended family generate mean that any financially bad years for the farm that happen from time to time don?t really matter.

Noddyholder wrote ?Well I have my brother living with us atm and he is doing my head in so I take my hat off to you.Do you ever get any peace/privacy?

We don?t tend to go in for privacy in quite the way that some folk seem to. Of course we do have various social areas that seem to come in and out of fashion on an irregular basis. The two rooms with a TV only get much use in the winter and the dining room/homework room sees less use now all the girls have finished school. The kitchen is easily the busiest room and the study is only used for business rather than leisure.

We generate our privacy within these public spaces. If Dawn is sitting with her Uncle Mike on the ?talking chair? in the kitchen it means do not disturb or eavesdrop on their conversation. If Helen or Sue are sitting on a straw bale with their Uncle Richard in the green barn it means the same thing. Both happen several times a week. If any of the married or engaged or over 18?s are in their bedrooms with the door closed it means ?DO NOT DISTURB ? PRIVATE TIME?!

It works for us.

And are you hoping for a column/book-deal from said blog at all? < nosey >

I am very sorry if I broke some unwritten rule about not promoting blogs within this part of the site.

All the blog does is provide a bit more information about the topic but if people think it makes the topic too commercial I will stop doing it.

MaryFromBrum is right in what she seems to be saying. I either have to tell it as it is, warts and all, or not tell it at all. Having plucked up the courage to start I would rather not stop now.

why do you think anyone outside your family would care who sits on hay in the green barn and does whatever?

[genuinly baffled]

BitOfFun wrote "And are you hoping for a column/book-deal from said blog at all?"

Not now, not ever as far as I'm concerned. Don't need the money, and don't want to expose family to resulting prying, probing and sociologists.

Would always go with majority vote at weekly meeting of course. Always been our way in such matters. 30 years+ has cemented our proceedures. (Sounds pompous but not meant to!)

If you don't want to expose your family to prying then why on earth are you writing a blog and trying to get people to read it?

Mary - Extended is as 'new to the group' (huh?) as you are- only posts from today for both of you.

On every post you extended has made today, she has linked to 'her' blog (though all posts are written from her DD's pov)- she has apologised, but has not redacted those posts which would be the appropriate thing to do.

Also- you have been writing this for 1 week- that's hardly any time for people to notice it. Plus, no comments does not equal no readers.

Extended- you don't sound pompous- just stilted and cliched. FWIW I know quite a few extended families- they are hardly unusual.

I need to more than I can articulate at this time of night.

Basically I'm tired of living in secret but not happy to come out completely. The blog was suggested as half way house but appears not to be working as expected.

So .... I might just vanish behind barricade again if the perceived hostility continues. Dawn might continue her blog - her choice.

So very like last time (3 years ago) except then it was ultra-religious neighbours that were the problem.